Yes, it's that time of year, and yes it's me with another wedding thread!
A colleague who is currently on ML (let's call her Becky) is getting married in the autumn and has sent out invitations in the last month. The majority of us from work have been invited only to the evening do which is absolutely fine, with a couple going to the whole wedding day (these are people she is especially close to, so totally understandable).
The problem is this: I work in a reasonably small team within a much larger department. There are 8 of us (9 including Becky) within a department of approx 40. 3 of the small team have not been invited. One has joined us since Becky went on ML, so understandably not invited. Another does not get on with Becky, the feeling is very much mutual so he wouldn't go anyway. The third (we'll call her Laura) is a very long serving member of staff who is very notably absent from the invitations. While the other two could be understood (colleague two wouldn't care that he wasn't invited), Laura will be very upset and hurt.
The reason Becky hasn't invited her is that Laura can be very outspoken, at times rude and always has an opinion about everything. I personally doubt she would make any kind of comment about the wedding itself, but she can be difficult. She thinks she is very liked and respected by Becky though, and her exclusion would come as a huge shock.
I realise there is nothing I can personally do to change this situation. On the one hand I agree that Becky can invite who she wants to her wedding. But on the other I don't think she realises just how uncomfortable a situation this is to be in. It will cause tensions in the team and the rift will perhaps not be repairable. If the invites are hidden from Laura, she will be upset we didn't tell her. If we tell her, she will be upset she isn't invited. Some colleagues are of the opinion that Becky can invite who she wants, others think she is being very rude and bridezilla-ish and the other opinion is that she just being plain spiteful for the sake of it. Becky, while a lot of fun, can be quite cutting at times. She is also feeling very left out of the team while she's on ML as we do socialise together, but afaik she has been invited to things, obviously with newborn twins she hasn't been able to attend. There are thoughts that she is excluding Laura because she feels excluded herself.
So what is reasonable/unreasonable here? Should Becky be able to invite who she wants, or should she be fair to the team?
Some potentially relevant info:
- Laura is unaware she is the only one not invited.
- This is not about numbers. We all have plus one invitations and she has invited a manager from another team as well as a couple of people from other departments (neither of which she is close to).
- Becky is senior to Laura.
- Becky's manager feels it is very unfair, but has refused to approach her with this (I guess rightly as it isn't really a work issue and Becky is on ML until Christmas).
- Some team members are feeling uncomfortable enough to be thinking of withdrawing their acceptance and not going to the wedding.
- The wedding is a significant distance from where we work (we are in Bedfordshire, wedding is in Suffolk) so we would all travel together - meaning at some point presumably, Laura would hear of the arrangements.
Opinions? And any advice!