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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hurt that someone brought out a bday cake for someone else on my bday

137 replies

happy362 · 01/07/2014 13:59

I was at my partner's family bbq on my birthday. The bbq was pre arranged but everyone did know it was my birthday and they did all say they hoped i would have a good day and a happy birthday when i came in which I thought was nice.
I didnt expect any cards or presents. When the food was finisihed I helped take some plates into the kitchen and I saw a birthday cake and didnt say anything as I thought it was supposed to be a surprise. My partners aunty came into the living with the cake and then announed that the cake was for her sister whose birthday it was in 4 days time and could we all sing happy birthday.I felt really embarrased that I had thought the cake was for me and then felt so awkward singing happy birthday on my actual birthday to someone whose birthday it wasnt!

My embarrassment turned to hurt however as I felt that was a horrid thing to do. Maybe it was just a general oversight and she didnt think, but I cant help but wonder if she just didnt want the cake to be shared with me.

My partner has apologised to me over it but no one else has said anything. They just acted awkward.

This event has really upset me. Am I too old to be being upset about my bda? am i unreasonable?

OP posts:

littlegreenlight1 · 01/07/2014 14:01

Meh - in the grand scheme of things it doesnt matter but Id have felt a bit embarrassed (through none of own fault) in the same situation - which is what makes it rubbish.
Sorry - Happy Birthday!

youbuggerz · 01/07/2014 14:01

I understand this, how awful! The aunt is obviously a bit thoughtless

Smelsa · 01/07/2014 14:02

Ugh, that is quite horrible. You aren't too old to be upset by blatant rudeness. How mean of them.

mommy2ash · 01/07/2014 14:03

she wanted to do something nice for her sister for her birthday and as the whole family were together it was a good time. maybe your partner should have thought of it and bought a cake for you. I wouldn't worry about it though hope the rest of your day went well

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 14:03

i wouldnt have expected anything but i was really touched at them getting me a bday cake and really happy about it........then it wasnt even mine :-(

OP posts:

Joysmum · 01/07/2014 14:04

I'd have been mightily pissed off too, more so with my DH who not only didn't think to do the same but also didn't point out that it was actually yours that day.

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 14:04

they must have known if i saw a bday cake on my bday i would think it was for me

OP posts:

diddl · 01/07/2014 14:04

Did the Aunty know it was your bday?

Why didn't your partner speak up & make sure that everyone sang HB to you first since it was your actual bday?

Flexibilityiskey · 01/07/2014 14:06

YANBU. I would have been hurt in that situation. I'd have hoped for at least the odd card, or a cake. You can get a birthday card for 50p or less these days so its not a lot to expect!

Fatteningviolet · 01/07/2014 14:06

Love you to bits! Isn't it just the way though that the person who has done nothing wrong (ie you) feels embarrassed and awkward whilst the thoughtless caaaaaaah floats serenely on by.

I don't blame you a bit for feeling awkward and let down, but you have done nothing wrong so hold your head up and enjoy this

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/07/2014 14:07

What an odd thing for them to do. It is entirely possible that your partners Auntie had no idea it was your birthday before hand, and had bought the cake as a surprise for her sister.
However someone should have told her when she arrived with the cake that it was your birthday too. It would have been so easy to get you and the other birthday girl to sit next to each other and sing happy birthday to both of you and present the cake as a shared offering. Then sliced it up after signing and share with all guests. That little bit of thought would have gone a long way. That or she could have given it to her sister privately without making a song and dance about it.
I bet everyone there felt very awkward too.
Just chalk it up to your partners aunt wanting to look like she was really spoiling her sister, and you just got over looked in the process.
Don't let her spoil your birthday.

mrstiggy · 01/07/2014 14:07

I would have expected to have been included in that, and would have been a little hurt also. A belated Happy Birthday to you happy

kentishgirl · 01/07/2014 14:08

It was rather thoughtless of them all, but in the bigger scheme of things if they are nice to you I think you'll have to let it go. I'd be more annoyed at your DH for not leading them in singing for you - and in not getting a cake.

It is upsetting though. On my 21st birthday all my family were in a restaurant and a cake was brought out - for another table. My hopes were dashed too. I got apologies, but I still remember it :-(

AnnieLobeseder · 01/07/2014 14:08

Urgh, that's nasty, OP, and I'd have been hurt too.

DH is a twin, and we went to a BBQ at his brother's house on their 40th. I took a cake that had both their names on it, SIL had got a cake that only said BIL's name, and when she got everyone to sing happy birthday they only sang it to BIL. Granted it was their house and their friends, but since they are identical twins it was quite obvious we were celebrating two birthdays. It was very weird and I was so angry for poor DH.

At the very least, if there was a cake for the aunt, there should also have been one for you.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 01/07/2014 14:08

You should've sang "Happy birthday dear auntie x AND ME-EEEE, happy birthday toooooo US!" at the end.

I am learning how to be more thick skinned and outspoken in later life. And I'm loving it.

Happy birthday

OHforDUCKScake · 01/07/2014 14:08

I can be quite over sensitive sometimes, and yes this would have really stung.

I was having a BBQ for my 30th and my friend asked she could bring her friend (Id never met) and it was her birthday that day too! We could celebrate together! Er, no fuck off its my 30th.

As it turned out I got the norovirus and spent that night throwing up and pooing my pants. Perhaps it was Karma for being a selfish twat.

OP YANBU.

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 14:12

my partner was fantastic on my bday. he didnt get me a cake because he knows im not a fan of bday cake and wouldnt want people singing to me. it sounds hypocritical, but eventhough i dont like bday cake or people singing to me, i was still touched and happy that they had decided to do something for me that they thought i would like. for it to then not be for me hurt me and made me feel stupid,

when it happened my partner did actually say it was my bday too and his aunty just said oh yes it is but they still never said happy birthday or said lets share the cake. they obviously didnt want it shared

OP posts:

DeWee · 01/07/2014 14:13

Would the aunt have known (well enough to remember without being reminded) it was your birthday in advance?
Even if she had, she might well have assumed that your dp would get one so would have felt stepping on his toes if she'd got a cake for you.

I would have thought that after singing to his aunt, then it was up to your dp to say "and it's happy's birthday today, let's sing to her".

Don't really get why "felt so awkward singing happy birthday on my actual birthday to someone whose birthday it wasnt" though. Fair enough to feel a bit (privately) embarrassed that you'd thought the cake was for you, but I don't understand why it was awkward singing to someone else on your birthday. I've had it a few times that situation and doesn't worry me."

diddl · 01/07/2014 14:14

Was there any malice on the part of the Aunt, though?

I don't really think that she did anything wrong.

She wanted to give a cake to her sister & say happy birthday.

Should she not have done that?

diddl · 01/07/2014 14:16

Having seen your last post I think that you are way overrreacting!

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 14:16

his aunty knew a few days beforhand it was my bday and said she hoped i had a nice bday on the day so definetly knew

OP posts:

RiverTam · 01/07/2014 14:17

not if it meant deliberately excluding the OP, no. It's my BIL's (DSis's DP) birthday the same time as FIL's - if we had both of them over I wouldn't then produce a cake and say it was for BIL - it would be for both of them.

Daisymasie · 01/07/2014 14:18

I don't think there was any malice on the part of the aunt, but she should have made it a joint birthday cake when she realised it was also OP's actual birthday that day. Tactless and thoughtless, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 14:19

its not the fact i dont like people singing to me tho,at the end of the day most people dont actually like when people sing happy birthday but they are touched by the thought and happy people care.

maybe she did think dp would get me a cake...but she still brought a cake out on my bday for someone else and then i had to sing happy birthday to someone else. i would never ever have done that. i feel she should have brought it out for both or us or at least when told it was also my bday that she could have said lets sing he happy birthday too.

OP posts:

diddl · 01/07/2014 14:20

So you didn't want a cake & people singing to you-so what's the problem?

Everyone said "happy birthday" when you arrived.

What do you mean by they didn't share the cake?

That Aunty's sister took it home?

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