Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to be hurt that someone brought out a bday cake for someone else on my bday

137 replies

happy362 · 01/07/2014 13:59

I was at my partner's family bbq on my birthday. The bbq was pre arranged but everyone did know it was my birthday and they did all say they hoped i would have a good day and a happy birthday when i came in which I thought was nice.
I didnt expect any cards or presents. When the food was finisihed I helped take some plates into the kitchen and I saw a birthday cake and didnt say anything as I thought it was supposed to be a surprise. My partners aunty came into the living with the cake and then announed that the cake was for her sister whose birthday it was in 4 days time and could we all sing happy birthday.I felt really embarrased that I had thought the cake was for me and then felt so awkward singing happy birthday on my actual birthday to someone whose birthday it wasnt!

My embarrassment turned to hurt however as I felt that was a horrid thing to do. Maybe it was just a general oversight and she didnt think, but I cant help but wonder if she just didnt want the cake to be shared with me.

My partner has apologised to me over it but no one else has said anything. They just acted awkward.

This event has really upset me. Am I too old to be being upset about my bda? am i unreasonable?

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 01/07/2014 15:12

Oh, and to answer your question YANBU to feel upset. In the same situation it would make me feel like they were sending a distinct "you are not family" message.

And I'm not one for celebrating adult birthdays in general!

diddl · 01/07/2014 15:14

It's terrible that Aunty took the cake home!

She didn't even give it to the person she made it for??

ShadowFall · 01/07/2014 15:20

YANBU to be upset about this. I'd have been upset and feeling very overlooked if I'd been in this situation.

Regardless of how little I liked birthday cake or being sung to. It would still sting that someone else was having all this fuss made about their birthday when no-one was making a similar fuss about mine.

It could though be just very thoughtless behaviour rather than deliberate meanness. Unless they've got a habit of this sort of thing, best to try and give them the benefit of the doubt and try to forget about it. Easier said than done though!

Cretaceous · 01/07/2014 15:20

I don't think it's really anything to dwell on, though. It's unfortunate, but really just one of those things that happen all the time through thoughtlessness. Unless you think the whole family meant to send a hidden message out to you? Perhaps the aunt's sister really needed cheering up, so the aunt was preoccupied by that, rather than thinking of you as well.

livelablove · 01/07/2014 15:21

I can totally see why it was upsetting, you thought they had made a kind gesture and felt touched, so you are bound to feel upset when you realised that they hadn't after all. Extended families can be very disappointing sometimes. Sending you a belated birthday and

Xenadog · 01/07/2014 15:24

I has this happen to me in front of the whole school for an assembly. On that day it was a big birthday for me but the next day it was someone else's even bigger birthday and they had been at the school for ever. Everyone apart from the person running the birthday assembly knew it was my birthday and I had To join in with singing happy birthday too. I felt a bit of a twat but knew it had definitely not been done maliciously.

It was just an oversight and I didn't really mind but then loads of people came up to me later and asked why I hadn't been involved - felt worse then.

OP try's to forget about it. I'm sure it wasn't meant to upset you and it was just unfortunate.

ApocalypseThen · 01/07/2014 15:25

I think it's a bit weird to get you to sing happy birthday on your actual birthday day to someone else who's birthday was four days in the future.

rustnmarty · 01/07/2014 15:27

Ok this is far to similar to be a coincidence but the EXACT reverse of this thread, posted from the aunties point of view was a MAJOR thread on Baby centre WYOO about a fortnight ago !!

Everyone flamed the OP to death for not acknowledging your birthday !!

So either this is real and a hilarious coincidence or.......

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:28

nope they didnt get me a card but i wasnt upset about that. my aunty 10000% knew it was my bday. wish people would read the post before commenting. she had known in advance.

the bbq wasnt the sisters birthday party. her bday wasnt for a few days. if it had been then of course it would have been different.

OP posts:

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:31

diddl the aunty whose bday it was took it home not the one who brought it out

OP posts:

sydlexic · 01/07/2014 15:31

YANBU, it would be common courtesy to include anyone whose birthday it was and supply a cake big enough for everyone present, or do it somewhere else.

KatieKaye · 01/07/2014 15:34

Aunty is a bag
She knew it was your birthday but persisted with the cake for a birthday the following week?
How tactless of her.
Does she have form for this?
Don't celebrate with them next year.

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:36

i certainly wont be spending my bday with them again.not taking the risk of being made to feel like rubbish again.

OP posts:

rustnmarty · 01/07/2014 15:37

Omg its the same ! Is auntie quite young ?

Ludways · 01/07/2014 15:38

Mine and SIL's birthday are close together, it doesn't happen every year but often I'm sidelined for her by the IL's. I know she's their dd but I've been in their family for frigging eternity, just acknowledge the fact I'm singing HB to her on my own bday, not hers. Two cakes wouldn't kill them!

Our dc's are also close together and if parties are held exactly in the middle, please acknowledge my dc's along with SIL's, they are your GC too.

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:38

rustnmarty dp's aunty is about 45 i think. her oldest daughter is 19.

OP posts:

diddl · 01/07/2014 15:39

"diddl the aunty whose bday it was took it home not the one who brought it out

Well it was mean not to share!

If it was supposed to be saved for her bday then I think it should have just been given discreetly.

The whole point of singing & presenting a cake is for everyone to share, isn't it?

I do think it's sad that no one included you in the singing.

I don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with singing HB & presenting a cake on someone elses bday though.

hollyisalovelyname · 01/07/2014 15:40

Strange people your dp's family.

rustnmarty · 01/07/2014 15:41

Aren't you remotely interested in the fact your aunt appears to have posted this exact situation on another forum ?
It made for very interesting reading I must say.

Batmansbuttocks · 01/07/2014 15:44

It sounds like an intentional insult to me, and I would also be hurt. Sorry. Do you think they might not like you?

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:44

rustnmarty i presumed you must have made a mistake. would be funny if she had tho lol. altho i doubt she has thought twice about it tbh

OP posts:

Original poster

happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:45

oh they dont like me. they think im a bit snobby which im not. i dont think it was deliberate but i think choosing to not include me was deliberate

OP posts:

Batmansbuttocks · 01/07/2014 15:45

Oh I wasted my time...didn't read the last few posts.

PeachyParisian · 01/07/2014 15:46

I wouldn't have gone to someone else's BBQ on my birthday full stop. Why didn't they offer to make it your birthday celebration when they found out?

They are either thoughtless or spiteful

DioneTheDiabolist · 01/07/2014 15:47

YABU OP. You don't like b'cake and people singing Happy Birthday to you. Your DP knows this and may have told his family the same, so they didn't sing to you and they didn't get you a cake. They sang and gave cake to a family member who does like cake and birthday songs. The fact that they "acted awkward" after indicates that they felt a weird about it, but they did what they thought you wanted.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6