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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hurt that someone brought out a bday cake for someone else on my bday

137 replies

happy362 · 01/07/2014 13:59

I was at my partner's family bbq on my birthday. The bbq was pre arranged but everyone did know it was my birthday and they did all say they hoped i would have a good day and a happy birthday when i came in which I thought was nice.
I didnt expect any cards or presents. When the food was finisihed I helped take some plates into the kitchen and I saw a birthday cake and didnt say anything as I thought it was supposed to be a surprise. My partners aunty came into the living with the cake and then announed that the cake was for her sister whose birthday it was in 4 days time and could we all sing happy birthday.I felt really embarrased that I had thought the cake was for me and then felt so awkward singing happy birthday on my actual birthday to someone whose birthday it wasnt!

My embarrassment turned to hurt however as I felt that was a horrid thing to do. Maybe it was just a general oversight and she didnt think, but I cant help but wonder if she just didnt want the cake to be shared with me.

My partner has apologised to me over it but no one else has said anything. They just acted awkward.

This event has really upset me. Am I too old to be being upset about my bda? am i unreasonable?

OP posts:
ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 01/07/2014 15:49

I wouldn't have gone either as you may kind of want it to be about you when someone else has planned the event for different reasons.

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:50

i dont expect them to make it into a bday celebration for me. i decided to go as i enjoy bbq's and have generally enjoyed their company. i do think they may not like me but im not sure. his aunty has made a comment about me being snobby which i find laughable. however she didnt say it to my face.

the other members of his extended family really like me

OP posts:
greyslates · 01/07/2014 15:51

I'd love to see a link to the other thread if anyone can find it!

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 15:51

dp didnt tell them i dont like a fuss of bday cake lol. he didnt mention anything except that it was my bday

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 01/07/2014 15:51

It's very odd.

Reminds me of when ds had his 10th birthday party. We had it at XPILs because they had the space. As soon as we'd finished singing happy birthday, xmil whipped ds's cake away and announced that we would now all sing happy birthday to (63 year old) xfil, whose birthday was a fortnight earlier.

So we all awkwardly did, she brought out a cake, he blew out the candles, and we all sat there like Shock

Hijacking a 10 year old's birthday party for a grown man whose birthday it was not, was bloody weird.

Your dp's aunt was odd too. As you said, it would have been fine if she'd made it a joint "happy birthday", but not to acknowledge yours was odd.

Daisymasie · 01/07/2014 15:55

Can you post a link to the babycentre thread?

AnnieLobeseder · 01/07/2014 16:26

Wow. Babycentre has the worst search engine in the world! It gives you pages of results but goes crazy if you click on the second page. I give up.

Someone link please!!

fromparistoberlin73 · 01/07/2014 16:48

i would NOT have stood for that OP

ITS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY

develop assertivness skills Grin

aunt is a twat

thatstoast · 01/07/2014 16:59

Dying

thatstoast · 01/07/2014 17:01

Dying to see the other thread, that is. Someone please link. Tried searching but baby centre site hurts my eyes.

diddl · 01/07/2014 17:07

"Dying" Shock
"Dying to see the other thread, that is. PHEW!!

KatieKaye · 01/07/2014 17:32

I think if rather be "snobby" like you, OP than downright rude like the two aunties!

[ imagining auntie '2 going home and eating the whole cake by herself]

You could announce at their next gathering that it is your unbirthday, whereupon DP produces a cake, a clown on a unicycle and the Vienna boys choir to serenade you. All the better if it coincides with baggy aunties actual birthday.

CSIJanner · 01/07/2014 17:36

The thread has been shut down on WYOO for abuse at the moment, but if OP see's the profile of the other threads author, she could probably figure out who it was.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 01/07/2014 17:41

Ouch. I'd be hurt too.

Odd it wasn't shared, rude and hurtful. Costs nothing to be kind does it?

Happy birthday

rustnmarty · 01/07/2014 17:47

I can't bloody find the thread on baby centre now. Crappy crappy search engine !!

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 18:11

I have been private messages by someone who said the thread on babycentre was deleted because people were beings abusive to the op lol. I guess we'll never know!

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 01/07/2014 18:12

rustnmarty what can you remember about the aunt's first post on the Babycentre thread? What was her reason for posting about the incident? Also, was it the aunt whose bithday it was, or the one who brought out the cake etc.?

BackforGood · 01/07/2014 18:17

YABU and over sensitive.
It's not your partner's Aunty's job to get you a cake - it's up to him.

We usually have a celebration of some sort on the weekend nearest to my ds's birthday. My ds's birthday is the day after my nieces and 2 days before my sisters, so sometimes it falls on one of their birthdays, but it's only my responsibility to provide a cake for him - their families sort out things for them.

You sound like you are about 7, tbh.

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 18:19

To be fair backforgood. I'm not annoyed she didn't give me a cake. I'm aware that is not her job. I'm hurt that she brought a cake out for someone on my birthday and didn't include me

OP posts:
BackforGood · 01/07/2014 18:26

So, if you wanted a cake (which you said you didn't) and people singing to you (which you said you didn't), then why didn't you arrange your own "do" for your birthday ? Confused

You can't seriously be suggesting that nobody else is allowed to celebrate their birthday because it happens to be your birthday ?????

4seasons · 01/07/2014 18:34

You are never too old to want your birthday to be remembered and I think they were tactless and thoughtless .....so very happy birthday to you from me . But it hurts doesn't it ?
My FIL forgot my birthday last year even though he had everyone else's marked on his calendar ( in the kitchen where I was doing his cooking , washing up etc .!) . We invited him to stay with us for a week on his birthday and arranged a lovely meal out and I got him a cake etc. I didn't mention my birthday at all ( it was a few days before his ) . My DH happened to mention a theatre trip we had gone on to London for my birthday treat and apparently FIL said to him ..." Oh dear , I suppose I had better get her a plant or something ".Nice....

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 18:41

nope backforgood i dont expect others not to celebrate their birthday just because it is my birthday. but i also dont expect for someone else to have their birthday celebrated on the day and me be left out. that is not a kind thing to do

OP posts:
rustnmarty · 01/07/2014 18:41

The OP on the baby centre thread was the aunt who threw the BBQ. She was posting after the event. She was asking whether she had been thoughtless. Her version was the nephew and girlfriend turned up to the party.
After the food she bought out a cake for her sisters birthday and they all sang happy birthday. She then realised/remembered it was the nephews girlfriends birthday but didn't rectify it. It wasn't specifically the sisters party it was just a BBQ .

She wanted confirmation she hadnt done anything wrong. The consensus was she had.
It didn't help she wasn't erm....fond of the girlfriend and started drip feeding a bit.

It got terribly heated lol. It was great !!

diddl · 01/07/2014 18:47

So the Aunt hosted the BBQ?

Thing is that the other Aunt's birthday wasn't really celebrated, was it?

Singing & a cake!

And let's face it-no one stood up for the OP!
(that must have smarted)

Original poster
happy362 · 01/07/2014 18:48

my dp's aunties were at the bbq but it wasnt hosted by them. it wasnt even in their house. it was at another member of the family's home

OP posts:
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