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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should offer to help?!

237 replies

YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 30/06/2014 22:06

I have a friend of 10+ years we both have young DC's of the same age for at least 5+ years I've been doing dinner for us both by kind of being nominated by here I.e she'll say do you want to do dinner, well discuss then she'll expect me to take it out of my freezer, prepare it, cook it, wash it all up etc.

It's kind of getting to the point where I'm wondering why she never once offers when I do my food shop we go together and she comes round about 3 times a week at the minimum where I will then do her DC dinner as well as mine using double the amount of food I normally would and then do her dinner along with mine so once again using double the amount of food, I'll also end up bathing her DC here too and putting him to sleep till she goes home.

AIBU to start to get a tad annoyed that I'm essentially doing my food shop for a family of 4 when there is only two, I have to pick up her dc's towel because she'll leave it on the floor, cook the dc's dinner with no help, wash it all up then do the same for her. She never offers to wash up but says she can't cook so won't do dinner at hers and doesn't have sky so we have at least 2 nights a week where we watch the same programme so she has to come round or not see it.

AIBU? I most probably am I'm in a pants mood Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 02/07/2014 19:35

Thank you,

I'm in my early twenties and everyone else between 30-45 so they were all talking about work and already had their own cliques and that.

But I'll go again DS liked the toys and that so can't be that bad

OP posts:
Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 02/07/2014 19:35

Thank you,

I'm in my early twenties and everyone else between 30-45 so they were all talking about work and already had their own cliques and that.

But I'll go again DS liked the toys and that so can't be that bad

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/07/2014 19:39

Don't let that put you off, we have younger ladies in our group (early 20s) we talk about anything, TV, life, weather etc

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/07/2014 19:52

There's usually a bit of a mix at the couple of groups I take dd to.
It's hard when you can see that other ppl have already bonded. I decided I didnt need to make actual friends tbh just to spend some time with dd and ds where they could play and I wasn't always off doing housework. I enjoy just having these other women around me and listening to their stories about their work and kids etc. And as it happened one of the other mums and I hit it off and we often arrange playdates. she's a fair bit younger than I am.

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 02/07/2014 20:10

I won't let it put me off, don't worry :)

I'm hoping my DS will make friends whilst their too

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/07/2014 20:14

Yay!

Aeroflotgirl · 02/07/2014 20:49

Fantastic Smile I love it when Mumsnetters make a difference and support. We are real people behind those user names and even though we caning be seen we are there mostly always to offer support.

diddl · 02/07/2014 21:25

Often it's through the kids that you get friends with other mums, isn't it?

PurplePunkPrincess · 02/07/2014 21:29

LTB (leave the bitch)

Bogeyface · 02/07/2014 22:19

Often it's through the kids that you get friends with other mums, isn't it?

I was thinking that. 2 of my best friends are people I met because our DD's were friends. It came from playdates etc and now they have gone their own ways and we are still friends!

Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2014 11:46

Hi op how are you all today? Have you heard from your 'friend'

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 03/07/2014 19:50

Still no word.. The bug my DC has got us from her and I've now got it too Sad not even a "hope he's okay". Sad

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/07/2014 20:07

Oh no bless you, hope your ok. I hate that bug I really do. Well that shows you she's no good friend, just out fir what she can get from you. I hope the time away from her has made you realise thus,and the penny is finally dropping and has made you stronger.

Thebluedog · 03/07/2014 20:14

Just read the first part of this thread with an open mouth in disbelief..

She sounds just like ex dh and he was a classic emotional abuser.

Glad to see you've had a change in attitude towards her...

Good luck

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 03/07/2014 22:18

Thanks

OP posts:
GarlicJulyKit · 04/07/2014 13:50

Get well soon! Flowers and [soup] Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 05/07/2014 14:36

How are you today, have you heard from 'friend'

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 05/07/2014 16:52

DS is still poorly I'm okay.

Heard from friend last night and told her everything she said she was sorry and didn't realise she was not helping and said it won't happen again, she rushes around after work and generally forgets. She wished I told her earlier And hasn't let it go this far

So all good

OP posts:
diddl · 05/07/2014 17:04

Well let's hope so, Op.

But be prepared for things to either carry on as before or fairly quickly revert that way1

Clutterbugsmum · 05/07/2014 17:27

Heard from friend last night and told her everything she said she was sorry and didn't realise she was not helping and said it won't happen again, she rushes around after work and generally forgets. sorry that's bull shit.

If she does come around to yours straight from work does she forget to feed, bath and put her children to bed. Of course not. She just used to doing everything for her.

Stop doing it for her and her children for a week or two I'm betting her DC don't starve and become dirty and unwashed.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/07/2014 18:32

I'm seconding that she's talking bullshit.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/07/2014 20:31

Well op don't buy that, let it not come to that. Be assertive and take no rubbish. She should not be forgetting to bath and feed her child Hmm. Take the good advice on here, don't be afraid to ask her to pay her way.

BerylStreep · 06/07/2014 11:21

I'm glad you have spoken with your friend and that she was receptive to what you had to say. I hope things change for the better, but I think you need to give some thought as to how that is going to happen.

Are you leaving it in her hands to change things, or are there any steps you can take to ensure this imbalance doesn't happen again? For example, your friendship seems to revolve around watching TV programmes, shopping together and eating. Can you suggest that she only comes round once a week for the next couple of weeks, and you record the programme (or she could get Sky herself). I think you need to get out of the way of bathing her child, and cooking for her.

magoria · 06/07/2014 11:42

Oh come off it how can she not realise she comes to your house, eats your food, does not contribute to the cost, does not help into the making or the clearing.

That was a platitude. She may pull up her socks to lull you but make sure you watch for her slipping back.

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 06/07/2014 12:44

She will be bathing her own child and picking the towel up after him.
She will be bringing their own food and washing up after themselves.

OP posts:
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