To think friend should offer to help?!

[YouSayBelloISayPoppaye]

I have a friend of 10+ years we both have young DC's of the same age for at least 5+ years I've been doing dinner for us both by kind of being nominated by here I.e she'll say do you want to do dinner, well discuss then she'll expect me to take it out of my freezer, prepare it, cook it, wash it all up etc.

It's kind of getting to the point where I'm wondering why she never once offers when I do my food shop we go together and she comes round about 3 times a week at the minimum where I will then do her DC dinner as well as mine using double the amount of food I normally would and then do her dinner along with mine so once again using double the amount of food, I'll also end up bathing her DC here too and putting him to sleep till she goes home.

AIBU to start to get a tad annoyed that I'm essentially doing my food shop for a family of 4 when there is only two, I have to pick up her dc's towel because she'll leave it on the floor, cook the dc's dinner with no help, wash it all up then do the same for her. She never offers to wash up but says she can't cook so won't do dinner at hers and doesn't have sky so we have at least 2 nights a week where we watch the same programme so she has to come round or not see it.

AIBU? I most probably am I'm in a pants mood

She doesn't really like my DC sleeping at hers, he can get out the travel cot and can open her DC's draws etc. I've child locked mine for this reason but her DC doesn't do this so she won't which is fair

She comes round, stays all day, eats your food, watches your sky and allows you to bath and bed her child.

She offers you no money for the food, and doesnt bother reciprocating (by the sound of it) in terms of child care.

What exactly do you gain out of this? Do you not have many friends at the moment? I ask because I wonder if you are frightened of her dumping you which is why you put up with being used like this.

Its rare that there is a unanimous AIBU thread, but you have managed it. You are being used. Start saying "No".

A simple "look, I love having you over but I cant afford to keep cooking for us all, so either you need to contribute to the cost or go home before dinner". If she gets an arse on then you know that she is more interested in what she can get out of you than your friendship.

She's lovely she's a great friend bar this, helps me when i'm in hospital, our DC's usually get on great, same sense of humour ect

Yeah. It really is all about her isn't it.

She's never going to change her behaviour because you have practically given her a gold leafed invitation to take the piss out of you.

She's not a friend, she's a lazy scrounging loser.

I expect if you stood up to her and told her you wanted some money for all the food or you said that you expected her to bring food or order a takeaway, you'd suddenly start seeing less of her.

Jeez, how are you putting up with this?! She's taking the piss. You must be saving her a fortune!

FIVE YEARS three times a week???!!! Good grief, OP!

Please repeat after me: "This is going to have to stop. I've been feeding you and your family for five years, you never pay and you don't clean up. You've taken more than enough. Don't come round any more."

I literally have one friend that has a DC = Her, I lost all my friends when I had my DC and they went to uni, work, new friends, didn't want to be around a baby etc.

Tell her to go home

If we get takeaway and have to go halves if I don't have the exact change in my bank to transfer it, I'll have to pay it back another time and she'll remind me all the time

Hah! She's not 'around a baby', she's around a hotel!

You say you have one friend but this person is NOT your friend. This is not how friends treat friends. You can make other, nicer and less usey friends. You can.

Oh love, I know how it feels. The same happened to me when I had DS.

But if you binned this user off and used the time she spends at yours to get out there to toddler groups etc then you would soon find some new friends. She is using your fear of loneliness against you and you are so frightened of having no friends that you are letting her.

Better a short period of no friends than this lazy arsed scrounger monopolising your time, your home and your money.

I bet it'd be cheaper to hire a babysitter to come & watch Sky with you!

Have you any family nearby?

YANBU. Stop with immediate effect. She is a piss taker of the highest order.

Oh and did I read right? She has a DP?

So you are a single parent supporting this mans family on your (presumably) benefits that are paid for a single woman and a child?!

Thats absolutely fucking disgusting. This woman is no friend to you, believe me!

But if you have a takeaway, there is no way you should be paying any! That should be how she pays you back. She is outrageous. Does she ever bring anything?
One of my friends always hosts when we do lunch or drinks or dinner (it's not often) but I take her flowers & prosecco regularly.
At the very least, she should be doing all the washing up every single time.

I can't add to what has already been said.

Google co-dependency, it might really open your eyes.

lady I have a friend who always hosts and we do the same. We take dessert sometimes, always wine and then the next time we go out we always get her a couple of drinks. Its what you do!

I am utterly gobsmacked that she expects the OP to stump up for half a takeaway.......I am literally struggling to find words to articulate how I feel about this level of scrounging!

She comes in the morning and doesn't leave till bedtime?!?! No wonder you don't have any other friends! Try taking a "holiday" from them to break the habit. It sounds exhausting!

family 20 miles away at least NC with any local family which she knows.

I'm only annoyed because she kind of got annoyed at me that I was apparently being negatively about career paths, we're very different money wise and I told her how hard it was on my mother when we moved with a mortgage, kids etc and how tight we lived as 2 bed houses where I live are around £300,000 and she earned £45k a year so we basically sat in silence whilst I did her dinner and she watched the programme then she left saying "i don't know what I've done to piss you off so im going".

You say "I have to". Erm, no you don't

She sounds like a cocklodger... but without the benefit of sex.

Great, let her sulk and don't bother letting her back in to your life.

I am a bit confused by your post about finances though. Do you have a £300k mortgage?

"i don't know what I've done to piss you off so im going".

May I suggest a text along the lines of "I will tell you what you have done to piss me off. You treat my home like a personal, free, hotel. You happily eat my food and pay nothing towards it. Sit watching my TV, let me bath your child and put him to bed and then have the brass balls to expect me to pay half of a takeaway once in a blue moon. I am glad you went, dont bother coming back."