To think friend should offer to help?!

[YouSayBelloISayPoppaye]

I have a friend of 10+ years we both have young DC's of the same age for at least 5+ years I've been doing dinner for us both by kind of being nominated by here I.e she'll say do you want to do dinner, well discuss then she'll expect me to take it out of my freezer, prepare it, cook it, wash it all up etc.

It's kind of getting to the point where I'm wondering why she never once offers when I do my food shop we go together and she comes round about 3 times a week at the minimum where I will then do her DC dinner as well as mine using double the amount of food I normally would and then do her dinner along with mine so once again using double the amount of food, I'll also end up bathing her DC here too and putting him to sleep till she goes home.

AIBU to start to get a tad annoyed that I'm essentially doing my food shop for a family of 4 when there is only two, I have to pick up her dc's towel because she'll leave it on the floor, cook the dc's dinner with no help, wash it all up then do the same for her. She never offers to wash up but says she can't cook so won't do dinner at hers and doesn't have sky so we have at least 2 nights a week where we watch the same programme so she has to come round or not see it.

AIBU? I most probably am I'm in a pants mood

Well sorry but it's not a fake post or anything like that.

I personally would distance from her, she is a user and akes advantage of your kindness. I would stop having her over and meet outside the home.

If I distance myself I'll have nobody though, DC doesn't start nursery yet and i don't work

You need to, there are better people out there. Better be on your own tan with someone who uses and abuses you. I would go to Sure start groups or, do some volunteering when your ds stars school. Inam afraid she is no friend.

Meet outside the home, in the park or soft play

aero as I said I don't like groups.

I often suggest parks etc, she normally doesn't want to.

Well tough if she wants to see you it should be outside the home. Your better off without that user you say. Practice saying no you feel much better for it! Be more assertive, she is cheeky, you ask her for food money, or tell her to wash up! If she says no, she is no friend of yours.

Suggest meeting at a cafe, park, soft play if she says no don't meet. She wants you for what you can do for her and gives nothing back. There are two types of friends: drains and radiators, drains take but never give, radiators give but ever take, you have a drain on your hands.

You want to go to the park, she doesnt so you dont go?

Who made her boss of you?

did you read the list I posted above?

I know you feel like she's your only friend. But there will be other people you can make new friends with.

Just set down some boundaries. If she's a real friend, she'll respect them.

I'd start asking her to help pay for the meals for starters. Tell her you'll cook if she buys, and vise versa.

bogeyface I never said I didn't go. She'll just wait to I'm home or she'll come but won't enjoy it.

Like tomorrow she said she was coming to a activity with the DC so they could do it together now tonight she said she's not coming

Sheciscrudecand cheeky with you, making you pay half thectakeaway and reminding you if you owe her, you askmhervfor food money and to help,with the washing up. Grow a backbone, younwillmfeel better for it!

Fair enough.

Did you read the list?

If she says se s coming say your busy, or will meet at such and such a place or at hers. If she says no don't meet her.

She wants to come to yours because she wants treat your food and use your electricity. She knows your sift and won't say anything

I realise that this hard for you but what about saying "oh can I come to yours today? I have (insert major job here, say steam cleaned the carpets, pulled out the cooker to clean behind it...) so we cant be at mine!" and see what she says.

If she says "Of course, no problem" then fine, you just need to deal with the food/money issue. If she says no, or moans then says yes but makes it clear that dinner will not made for you and you have to leave by a certain time, then it is very clear that she doesnt give a shit about your needs, just hers. A few tests like that may help you see how you are being used.

She's a cocklodger without any benefits

This is not normal - how can you bear the lack of privacy. I can't stand unannounced visitors.

She's very rude so just be firm rude back. Arrange to meet in public places and then don't let her come home with you

I can go to hers however the DC's will be told off for going in her/her DC's bedroom's, closing doors getting things out etc. She'll do them dinner then we'll have an issue over ours as she'll ask me how to do it, say she can't ect so i'll end up doing it. She'll also want to come to mine cause she only has freeview so the things we watch and have dinner over won't be happening

There is no law against saying "No, I dont want to" you know.

Omg, grow a backbone and tell her to sling her hook! She is no friend if yours. She's a lazy, greedy freeloader. How can she have dc and not know how to cook???

Be unavailable to her - tell her she can 't come round, you're busy. Jeez.

We live minutes away, my DC love her DC and vice versa it's not fair on my DC to never see her DC because she refuses to cook.

OP did you read Bogeyface's list? What do you think?

Sounds to me like you are basically happy to 'buy' this person's friendship through the meals, care for DC and so on rather than face up to some hard truths. I understand it's hard when your DC get along but ultimately she is not your friend. She is more of a frenemy than a friend, undermining your confidence, criticizing your DP and taking advantage of you.

I would just distance yourself little by little so you get some space from her. She has her feet well and truly under the table with you so it'll take a while to dislodge her! I would be busy next time she calls, say your TV subscription is temporarily suspended or your cooker is broken. Whatever. Just find some other things to do for a while until your DC start nursery and you can start work or find a way to get out more.

It's a very unhealthy friendship that is going nowhere. There is probably no point in confronting her though as she knows perfectly well what she's doing and is just assuming you'll never stand up to her. Just let the friendship fizzle out and move on.

I don't have time to read everything but, ehhhhh?????? No way.

Can't believe that you would actually think this is okay.

She is not a friend. Sorry that you don't have any others but unless you go and join in with the group's then you won't make friends.