how to handle an expressing mother in class. WWYD?

[susanjones123]

NC because this will definitely out me to any colleagues or students.

One of my students (I'm an HE lecturer) had 6 months off recently to have a baby. She's now returned to study which is great and we are delighted to have her back. The department has been very accommodating for her and let her miss classes, leave early when necessary, bring her baby to meetings etc.

So far, so fine.

She's still BFing and using expressed milk when her DH does the feeding. She uses an electric pump. The problem is that she uses the pump in the classroom. I don't mean in the actual class, during the lectures but at the beginning when everyone is arriving and sometimes during group work activities. I, personally, find this very off-putting (not putting me off my teaching but just generally quite off-putting) and other students have commented quite negatively.

As the main academic she has contact with, I feel as though it falls to me to have a word about this but I'm really unsure how to handle it.

I bottle-fed both of mine from day 1 so I'd really appreciate the experiences of people who have BF on this, please.

Well OP, the fact that you're so willing to explore all the issues surrounding this says it's probably a good thing that it ended up in your lap so to speak.

How old are these students? I am shocked at the ones who think it's OK to tell their lecturer that they think it's disgusting or it turns their stomach.
Once the issue is resolved I would be taking them to one side and making sure they realised that these reasons DID NOT contribute towards helping the Mother find alternative arrangements.

For how long is the mother in classes? At 6 months unless she's away from her baby for quite long stretches (say more than 4hrs) she probably wouldn't need to express at all, or she should at least her some flexibility.

Did she not meet with HR or OH on her return to college? If so, they should have asked her whether she needed support for BF/expressing, or she should have offered the information up. I don't think it's your responsibility to find her an appropriate room, but since the issue is effecting your class it would be nice of you to do a bit of background work for her.

To the Mother I think you simply need to say that it's distracting to express during group sessions. What she does before class is her own business I suppose.

slithy Classes are two hours. She's generally always expressing at the start and then 7/10 will express for a period during, when we do group work activities. The pump is, as others have said, a kind of low background hum which is quite loud in a quite room but it's ok when they're all chatting and getting on with the tasks.

My problem is (a) I wish I'd said something at the start of teaching rather than leaving it 6 weeks as I now feel like by saying something I'm changing the precedent IYSWIM and (b) I shouldn't be the one chasing this up and having a word with her/ the other students.

lhailqueenmab Mon 30-Jun-14 13:41:20
The bigger picture here is that if this mother is determined to bf and cannot find a way to make it compatible with attending college

I would be very surprised if it was impossible for the college not to find somewhere she can do this which is not in the middle of classwork. There needs to be accommodation on both sides.

I expressed for my DCs and would have loved to be able to discreetly pump in public. Would have made a whole bunch of things much less stressful.

I think it's fair to insist on her not expressing during group work if the noise makes it difficult for others to work. But when she's expressing between classes I think asking her to use a specific room is a bit much. If you have fast let down I could see how you could get a lot of expressing done in the regular few minutes between classes, but having to go somewhere specific would make it a big palavar and probably mean missing some class time.

Especially since she's being discreet I think you should tell your other students to suck it up. Though talking to her and asking what would help her is always a good idea.

I would just ask her not to use the pump during class time due to the noise. Other than that I can't see a problem.

I failed at expressing so admittedly know little about it. I did bf for 10 months though. Once baby was 6 months, I wouldn't say I was bfing more than once every 3 hours.

But is it necessary to express twice in a 2 hour period to keep supply up? Does anyone who has expressed successfully know?

I don't have an issue with her sitting at the start doing it.

But in a group work context, smaller group, time taken to set up pump etc, the noise involved - I can see completely how that is off putting and think it should stop. If it is vital she pumps then, then she should be going somewhere where it won't disrupt others.

Again, the lecturer would not be able to continue in her normal work environment while pumping, (I doubt many people would), why should a student if there is a suitable alternative.

I think I'm handing in my Lactivist Militant Breastfeeding Nazi (yes, I had the T-shirts!) credentials because i would it completely inappropriate, too. Hope you find a solution soon, SJ123.

susan, is it just your class she attends or are there others? Is she squeezing in expressing sessions between several classes?

I'm off to a meeting now, sorry!! I'll update later tonight or tomorrow if/when I hear back from HR!

xx

You know you can't win whatever you do unless you ignore her, don't comment and let the rest of the students be unhappy about it. Is it worth the risk of hassle in your job?

Alternatively, try and pass it onto HR to deal with, or the Student Support Officer. I'd be surprised if the college doesn't already have suitable facilities in place.

I wonder what her reasons are for using the pump in the classrooms? Time pressure?

Agree officer - but I don't think that the equality laws stretch to allowing the use of an electric pump anywhere, in the same manner that bf can be done anywhere?

I can't understand why the student herself didn't approach you, or another appropriate member of staff, and discuss being given the use of a private room somewhere to express.
I mean she's an adult and should surely be a bit pro-active in making suitable arrangements to feed her baby?

Maybe the student didn't have a problem Vintage?

Someone else asked about refrigerating and this is baffling me, too. If I expressed like that I'd have to have a cool bag with ice packs to carry around; what I actually did was store the cool bag in a fridge at work before and after expressing. And then it's a pain to keep the pump reasonably sterile in the conditions that OP describes, whipping it in and out to attach to nipples between classes, it'd be quite hard not to get contaminated & to keep the milk cool in this weather so it will still be safe to use next day or freeze for later. The pump itself needs to be carried in something secure so that it stays reasonably clean without making a dripping mess between pumping.

How much stuff is the poor lady hauling around with her?

The thing is the term must be nearly finished for OP and by September the baby will be on solids & won't need so much milk, so the problem should solve itself it they can just find some wee accommodations in mean time.

No, but it might have occurred to her that a lecture room with students coming in and out wouldn't be the most appropriate place and maybe find out if there was somewhere a bit more private. It wouldn't bother me if someone was expressing beside me but I can still understand that some students might find it uncomfortable.

I think whatever you do you will have a fight on your hands. If she doesn't have a problem with doing it - which surely most women would - then she's not going to take kindly to being told that others do.

See, I think she is doing this on purpose to make a point to the other students. The baby is 6 months old and it seems very unlikely it would be so hungry that it would need feeding twice in a two hour session including during group work (a tiny baby yes). Why could she not use previously expressed milk at this time? She is just pushing the boundaries to see what happens and to make it clear she is now a 'mother' as opposed to just a student who happens to be a mother. Or perhaps she was told to pump hourly to get a good supply and is now taking it rather literally.

I have had students bf, bring babies to 2 hour classes, colleagues bf in meeting and so on- never once have they whipped out an expressing machine which is quite hard to attach and difficult to be discreet about (noisy)- plus what happens to the milk in that two hour period- does she feed the baby or just store it for later? If the latter, that is quite yuk. I haven't seen any of my friends or colleagues ever pump in front of me, which makes me think it isn't the norm at all.

However, despite the inappropriateness, it is entirely your work's fault for not arranging somewhere private and appropriate for her to feed and it's a shame this wasn't discussed with her before she started back- we have ILP's for students with any type of issue and this should have been arranged with her.

Your work better act quickly before she makes a complaint.

Also don't feed back any information about what the other students said, their remarks and concerns are equally inappropriate.

How can she make a complaint if she hasn't even approached the college to explain her needs?

And it should not be your fight. This is an HR issue, all you need do is pass all the facts to HR. It's up to them to sort out.

Just to clarify, is the baby there during this time (not all babies feed directly from the mum), or is she expressing to store later? If the latter, you also need to provide her with somewhere to store the milk, as someone upthread said, two hour apart pumping doesn't sound very sterile at all and the first lot of milk will be sitting about for two hours.

Vintage she could allege bullying/harassment by the other students. I have had a student do this on far less evidence than the disgusted looks/complaints and mutterings that are probably going on in this seminar.

OP- I think you just need to hand the whole issue of your students' complaining over to HR.

Not in your job remit to pander either to them or her I'd have thought. If my students complain to me about someone else in the class I'm teaching and it's not something directly to do with what happens in lesson times, then it goes up the food chain.

You don't need this hassle.