how to handle an expressing mother in class. WWYD?

[susanjones123]

NC because this will definitely out me to any colleagues or students.

One of my students (I'm an HE lecturer) had 6 months off recently to have a baby. She's now returned to study which is great and we are delighted to have her back. The department has been very accommodating for her and let her miss classes, leave early when necessary, bring her baby to meetings etc.

So far, so fine.

She's still BFing and using expressed milk when her DH does the feeding. She uses an electric pump. The problem is that she uses the pump in the classroom. I don't mean in the actual class, during the lectures but at the beginning when everyone is arriving and sometimes during group work activities. I, personally, find this very off-putting (not putting me off my teaching but just generally quite off-putting) and other students have commented quite negatively.

As the main academic she has contact with, I feel as though it falls to me to have a word about this but I'm really unsure how to handle it.

I bottle-fed both of mine from day 1 so I'd really appreciate the experiences of people who have BF on this, please.

What. The. Fuck.

Leave her and her milky jugs alone. She's not hurting anyone.

Jesus it's the whole etiquette of BF thing that I never get. When I was BF I just got my boob out and got on with It. Whether people felt uncomfortable or not was frankly not my fucking problem.

I don't think it's appropriate to do it during lectures or group work if it's noisy.

Not sure what harm she is doing expressing before class though, especially if there isn't currently anywhere else suitable?

If she's got an electric one, it may be that she needs a plug?

Why don't you offer use of your office, or staffroom?

If she was that worried about it, she would have asked ^^, surely? She obviously doesn't care what the other students think, does she?

A few of the students have commented that the noise is off-putting during group work but more have actually said that it's just not the time and the place. I am inclined to agree. TBH, I'm just being a wimp not wanting to deal with this. Also, I'm pissed off at my HoD that I'm the one having to deal with it but that's a whole other story!

For those of you that have asked how she gets herself sorted, she is quite brilliant! I watched her (discreetly) of course, get herself unhooked adn tidied up before class and she took about 45 seconds, didn't see any nipples or anything... marvellous woman!! I'm not sure what she does with the milk afterwards.

I'm impressed she can.. somebody walked in on me once when I was expressing a feed in my own house and it was like turning off a tap I couldn't get another drop.

An electric pump is disruptive so you can maybe use that excuse to give her a comfy room to do it in. Don't send her to the toilets, expressing or nursing in a toilet is grim.

Bf is massively different to using an electric pump thought

"I find it hard to believe anyone would do this"

Yes, me too.

Are you a name changer OP. I see this is your only thread.

I too don't see the harm with a comfy chair and fridge in a more private room.

What does she do with the milk she expresses at the start of the lesson, does it not need refrigerated right away?

I should say that she has a top on which has slits down the front, in the breast area so she just puts the pump in these slots which latches on to the nipple I assume.

I'm kind of torn on this... I understand the awkward situation you have been put in OP. IMO, the best solution would be to offer her somewhere private, quiet and comfortable to express, rather than in a classroom.
Don't get me wrong, bf in public doesn't put me up or down... Seeing a woman doing it is no issue, it's more the noise of the machine and the amount of exposed boob that may make other students feel uncomfortable.
In most situations, I would tell anyone who felt awkward around fb to do one, however I think expressing (especially with an electric pump) is a lot less discrete and in this case, I think the opinions of other students should be taken into account.
I feel for you though, what a difficult situation to deal with!

Nicki Yes I'm NC- epic risk of outing from this thread!

I bf and expressed. I bf everywhere but wouldn't have expected to express everywhere. For one, it is noisy, potentially messy and if there is somewhere private to do it, surely that is better. I wouldn't have wanted the world to see my nipples being squeezed and stretched into a funnel! A bit I dignified tbh.

I am all for public BFing but think this goes too far.

I was an extended (and very public!) bf-er and I pumped, but pumping in public like that is not on. It's not about feeding your baby, it's about being professional, which I think is appropriate in an educational setting. That said, she evidently needs a place to do it, so I think you should investigate access to a private (non lavatorial!) space for her right away and tell her that she can use that place. Don't pussyfoot about it too much. Just tell her that you have made this space available for her need, and ask when she needs it etc.

OK, so if you're not seeing any nipples then what is the problem?

If it's too noisy during groupwork then fine - ask her not to do it then.

But if she can express before the class starts, then how is that disruptive?

Is it just the idea that she has breasts/milk comes out of them?

No slithy . It isn't.

The Op said she has namechanged for this thread NickiFury.

I breastfed my daughter for 6 years. (yes, you read that right)

Whatever kind of lactivist I am, what this woman and her "milky jugs" (dear lord above) is doing, is not appropriate for her fellow students.

The OP is doing the right thing by looking into a room for this woman, the college sounds like it's been more than accommodating thus far, so there shouldn't be a problem.

I think you need to clarify what it is you find off-putting. The noise of the pump? Or the boob?

Offer her a room to pump in in the same way that an employer would. I went back to work recently and didn't pump at my desk. I pumped in a room that they provided and put a sign on the door to say it was in use. They weren't shutting me away. They were VERY supportive of me BFing and even got upset when I said I'd pumped in the toilet one day.

Make sure the room is nice, offer her a glass of water.

Tbh I rather think everyone would prefer the baby there. I don't see this as against bf at all. Seperate issues.

Offices have to have a room available to nursing staff. Why don't HE institutions? Have you asked HR? Bit odd if first port of call is here, what did they say? Also how is she storing the milk? I would expect use of a fridge frankly. If a corporate multi national office of thousands manages it. I'm not sure your workplace has any excuse.

Thanks PotatoPolly This is exactly my dilemma. I'm absolutely in favour of BF. I chose not to BF for my own kids but I don't care if other people choose to and I'm happy to support BF women in my class.

But expressing is quite different and although she is discreet there are still the concerns of the other students to worry about.

I have emailed my HoD and said that the dept must provide her with a private and comfortable room. He's a useless twat but we'll see where I get with it.