how to handle an expressing mother in class. WWYD?

[susanjones123]

NC because this will definitely out me to any colleagues or students.

One of my students (I'm an HE lecturer) had 6 months off recently to have a baby. She's now returned to study which is great and we are delighted to have her back. The department has been very accommodating for her and let her miss classes, leave early when necessary, bring her baby to meetings etc.

So far, so fine.

She's still BFing and using expressed milk when her DH does the feeding. She uses an electric pump. The problem is that she uses the pump in the classroom. I don't mean in the actual class, during the lectures but at the beginning when everyone is arriving and sometimes during group work activities. I, personally, find this very off-putting (not putting me off my teaching but just generally quite off-putting) and other students have commented quite negatively.

As the main academic she has contact with, I feel as though it falls to me to have a word about this but I'm really unsure how to handle it.

I bottle-fed both of mine from day 1 so I'd really appreciate the experiences of people who have BF on this, please.

Those ppeople saying it doesn't matter if she has to wait an hour to express for some women it does, I got horribly and painfully engorged and was prone to blocked ducts and mastitis so had to eexpress before I got to that point. Or others with a low supply may need to express often just to get enough milk and keep supply stimulated.

Are we really descending to comparing breastfeeding to urination?

Workplaces have to make provisions for breasfeeding mothers, I don't see why an educational establishment should be any different.

Or maybe woman should just stop trying to continue breastfeeding after mat leave because 'it makes people uncomfortable'

I don't really give a flying fuck if I make people uncomfortable- that's their problem, not mine.

She's trying to do her best by her baby- how awful of her. I hope to god she doesn't see this thread.

"Are we really descending to comparing breastfeeding to urination?"

Well, we've already compared it to racism and the noise a disabled student might make upon entering the room. This thread has gone waaaaay beyond bonkers.

Hang on a minute. This isn't college. Let's remember that for a moment. The OP has said very clearly that it is HE. She's not a 16-17 year old. She's at least 18, married and with a baby. And she has probably taken out tuition fees to pay for these lectures.

Those ppeople saying it doesn't matter if she has to wait an hour to express for some women it does, I got horribly and painfully engorged and was prone to blocked ducts and mastitis so had to eexpress before I got to that point. Or others with a low supply may need to express often just to get enough milk and keep supply stimulated.

Did you honestly have to keep expressing every hour when your baby was six months old?

Maybe she doesn't need to express every hour for the reasons everyone is saying. maybe she has to express every hour to get enough milk to feed her baby the next day? Women don't just express to ease discomfort. The primary reason for expressing is to provide expressed breast milk for a baby!

Workplaces have to make provisions for breasfeeding mothers, I don't see why an educational establishment should be any different.

They may make provisions such as a private room and a fridge but I seriously doubt that any workplace would allow women to express milk during a meetings etc.

Women don't just express to ease discomfort.

Err.... you were the one who said that she might be expressing to ease discomfort, not me!

Oh sorry it wasn't you it was 5madthings.

myfairyking don't forget when someone compared it to a man getting his penis out

Yes some women do have to express for comfort and sometimes very frequently, I suffered oversupply and even at 6mths my babies fed OFTEN and bigger gaps would result in blocked ducts or mastitis.

Also as has been Saud she may need to express often to keep her supply or just to get enough milk for her baby.

Just because you or others didn't have to whatever doesnt mean that this woman doesn't have to, we are all diff and need to express at different intervals and for different reasons.

I find the whole situation quite strange. The Mother is obviously not at all self-conscious about breastfeeding or expressing. Good for her, though it is a very confident young woman who could express in front of her fellow students.

I therefore find it hard to understand why she has not come forward to explain her needs.

I therefore find it hard to understand why she has not come forward to explain her needs.

Perhaps she feels that her needs are fully met in the current situation.

[shrug] Maybe. It just seems odd. Has the OP returned?

Quangle babies' benefit from breast milk for much longer than six months! You sound very anti feeding a baby for longer than this. My little one was very ill at a year old and couldn't eat anything for a long time. The consultant said the only thing keeping them going was breast milk. Besides, brains are developing connections rapidly until three years so in an ideal world (and World Health Organisation guidelines) we should be breast feeding til at least then. Using the right combination of fatty acids etc from humans to 'develop' human brains not substitutes from cows or fish.

....could never get the hang of expressing though so no idea what I would have done if had to go back to work. I wouldn't have expressed in public with an electric pump as I would feel like a dairy cow in a milking parlour. Maybe she is doing it as a defiant 'look at me, I can do this' or maybe as a small cry for help or maybe she really doesn't care. I think most women would find expressing more efficient relaxed in a quiet room though.

Dear lord.

Hello everyone!

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to come back earlier and update. I had meetings all day yesterday and then my DS was taken ill yesterday evening and so I spent most of last night at A&E with him. He's fine, just a stomach bug apparently.

Also, no smartphone so had to wait until I was back at the PC to come on MN!

Right, so to update! The term is certainly over next week but these classes continue throughout the summer, although at a reduced rate, because these are MA classes and the year ends in September not June as it does for undergraduates.

So, HR have been in touch with me and have been quite useful actually. They have pointed me in the direction of a room which she's able to use which has an armchair, a TV, a fridge and some old books left over from the last occupant (used to be an office).

In terms of addressing the issue to the student herself, HR are a bit unsure but are adamant that it's not my job and should be taken on by HoD (fat chance). I was advised to first of all address my concerns about the noise in the group work and ask that she doesn't express during classroom work of any kind because of disruption of the noise to other students. Fair enough.

Far less clear is the general feeling of unease that other students have. As others have suggested, her expressing before and after class within eye sight of other students can't really be addressed as she isn't causing public indecency by exposing her breasts (whole other issue, please don't get me started) and she isn't disrupting class time.

So, the next step for me is to meet with this student and let her know that expressing during any class activities should stop but she's free to leave the room for a bit if necessary (although I don't want to push this too far) and she's welcome to use the spare ex-office before and after class if she needs more privacy.

I guess I'm just apprehensive because I have left it so long to talk with her about this. I should have said something in the first couple of weeks of teaching but I'm a junior lecturer and I don't find confrontations (wrong word but you know what I mean) with students easy, especially in situations like this when she's not done anyting 'wrong'.

Thanks so much for all of your comments and support

I should have said something in the first couple of weeks of teaching but I'm a junior lecturer and I don't find confrontations (wrong word but you know what I mean) with students easy,

This will get easier.

Just come from that angle that you have just found out about this room and realised that you should have made sure it was available to her before now. Then you can say that she's welcome to continue as she is if she prefers but you think it is best if she doesn't express during the group work any more but is welcome to use the room to express during that time if necessary. I guess the rest of her group could go with her if they would like to include her at those times.

tobeabat She's FT and she went off on leave at the end of the last academic year when all of the compulsory modules had been done. She's rejoined making up her credits from optional modules.

Gold Thanks for that- I'm told it'll get easier but I feel quite out of my depth at the moment! And, yes, I've got my 'party lines' sorted ready just in case!

Susan - do you have an answer or solution ready if she asks what about any work she misses whilst expressing? Other than that, I can't see anything that might be an issue, and I think you are handling this really well.

I know that she was offered 12 months leave so she'd essentially just pick up where she left off but she chose to just take 6 months and make up her credit through optional courses. This seems like the less logical option to me but I guess it was a fully-informed choice and I guess she took expressing/feeding into account

I really think you should push this with your HoD. It's absolutely NOT FAIR for this to fall to you if it's not your responsibility.