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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being oversensitive or was this remark a bit.....odd?

156 replies

CiderLover · 30/06/2014 10:02

I am currently taking driving lessons, second lesson was yesterday.

I was struggling to remember how to approach a junction and my instructor was asking what the problem was. I replied that I'm not very good at multitasking and remembering the different things I need to do.

His reply

"What!!? You're a woman, multitasking is your thing. Women, can read, cook a meal AND make love all at the same time!" He then laughed.

It made the next few minutes quite awkward when I was already anxious!

AIBU to think his comment was inappropriate?

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 30/06/2014 10:03

Sack him and tell him why...the wanker.

MrsWinnibago · 30/06/2014 10:04

Only just noticed the "making love" bit! Shock [anger] AND complain in writing to his superior. NOT ON AT ALL!! Imagine if you were some 17 year old girl!

AtSea1979 · 30/06/2014 10:04

What missW said

bringbackfonzi · 30/06/2014 10:05

YANBU. This would have made me uncomfortable. How old is your driving instructor? Not that any age would make it ok or not, just trying to get a picture...

Coughle · 30/06/2014 10:07

Definitely inappropriate. If you're unsure, imagine if it were, ".. But you're black!" Or "but you're gay!"

Report in writing and sack!

TalcumPowder · 30/06/2014 10:09

Completely unacceptable comment. I wouldn't be getting in a car again with this idiot. If he's self-employed, I'd let him know why, and if he works for a larger company, I would write them a letter explaining why they have lost your custom.

Original poster
CiderLover · 30/06/2014 10:11

He works for a larger company, I'd guess he was late 40's, possibly early 50's.

I kind of laughed it off but when I told people their reactions proved that I wasn't wrong to think it was off.

OP posts:
nostress · 30/06/2014 10:13

Yabu, he was joking...

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 30/06/2014 10:14

Do you think he's a good driving instructor? If you're happy he's teaching you well then I'd probably let it slide this time, if there was an awkward silence then he knows it was an odd and inappropriate thing to say.

If you're not happy with him generally then I'd look for another instructor, rapport can be important especially if you're feeling anxious.

ithoughtofitfirst · 30/06/2014 10:14

Eurgh. What a stupid thing to say.

YANBU.

whilewildeisonmine · 30/06/2014 10:15

I'm sure it wasn't meant to offend you. Some people are just clueless and think they're being hilarious. Your silence rather than unstoppable laughter has probably made him realise he's not as funny as he thinks he is though.

Seriously, if he makes you feel awkward or uncomfortable then I'd think about finding a different instructor. Learning to drive can be an anxious time and you need someone who'll make you feel at ease.

lljkk · 30/06/2014 10:19

Unless he otherwise comes across as a generally sexist creep, I would have laughed & thought nothing of it.

MrsWinnibago · 30/06/2014 10:35

You can';t work in a teaching position and NOT be aware that it's inappropriate to make references to sex! That's fucking basic! It makes me MAD to see people saying "Oh he never meant it." bollocks. He gets a thrill out of it and rests comfortably in the knowledge that most women won't say anything.

I had someone try this with me and I said immediately "That's a really inappropriate thing to say to me and I won't be dealing with you again."

He was Shock but NOT because he thought his comment was innocent but because nobody had ever pulled him up on it!

WorraLiberty · 30/06/2014 10:37

That wouldn't have caused anything other than an eye roll for me and a quick retort.

But we're all different so YANBU if it made you feel uncomfortable.

Suzannewithaplan · 30/06/2014 10:45

It's just a really lame joke, I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think him somewhat vacuous

Suzannewithaplan · 30/06/2014 10:47

I don't think it's sexist or insulting, just the sort of stupid stereotype you'd expect from someone who speaks in clichés

HauntedNoddyCar · 30/06/2014 10:47

Start calling him Swiss Tony.

scarletforya · 30/06/2014 10:50

Make love.....euuuwww gross pig!

FraidyCat · 30/06/2014 10:51

He gets a thrill out of it and rests comfortably in the knowledge that most women won't say anything.

but NOT because he thought his comment was innocent but because nobody had ever pulled him up on it!

I see you are pyschic.

I had a girlfriend, many years ago, who when she was ranting would correct me when I told her what I thought, telling me what I really thought, and then go on to castigate me for thinking it. She used to consult pyschics, and felt she had some powers herself. In fact her pyschic told her so. Luckily it was a short relationship, she was lovely 90% of the time, but a (very scary) fruit-loop when she went into a cycle of anger. ("Looping" is the exact word I used to describe her mental process when angry to myself, something imperceptible to me would set her off, the small flash of emotion would trigger a bigger one within her, and so on in a positive-feedback loop. We could be walking along, have a pleasant friendly conversation, then within the space of seconds I would see the colour drain from her face and her expression change, and I would know what was coming...

Sorry for the digression.

Suzannewithaplan · 30/06/2014 10:53

Oops!
Didn't see the make love bit.
He ought NOT to have said that

FraidyCat · 30/06/2014 10:55

I suppose my point was that women who claim to know what other people are thinking scare me, and I avoid them.

Suzannewithaplan · 30/06/2014 11:06

We all make assumptions about what others are thinking, are you familiar with 'theory of mind'?

CumberCookie · 30/06/2014 11:13

My instructor was a bit like this, though not as far as the "making love" bit. I wish I had sacked him because it just made the whole experience even more unpleasant.
Get rid! Especially as it was only your second lesson - you don't need that!

ghostisonthecanvas · 30/06/2014 11:16

If that's his experience of women, he must be shite in bed. I don't think I have ever wanted to multitask during sex.

bin him. Definitely. He has made you uncomfortable. Its a confined space, you need to be able to concentrate and feel comfortable.

FraidyCat · 30/06/2014 11:19

We all make assumptions about what others are thinking, are you familiar with 'theory of mind'?

Yes, but only up to a point...

When someone tells us what they think, we don't all say to them, no you don't think that, you are lying, what you really think is this, then lay into them for thinking what we've just told them they really think.

People who "know" what other people are thinking in effect assign themselves the right to create the facts on all sides of an argument, and give themselves permission to act according to the facts they've just made up in their own head.