Am I being oversensitive or was this remark a bit.....odd?

[CiderLover]

I am currently taking driving lessons, second lesson was yesterday.

I was struggling to remember how to approach a junction and my instructor was asking what the problem was. I replied that I'm not very good at multitasking and remembering the different things I need to do.

His reply

"What!!? You're a woman, multitasking is your thing. Women, can read, cook a meal AND make love all at the same time!" He then laughed.

It made the next few minutes quite awkward when I was already anxious!

AIBU to think his comment was inappropriate?

Yuk, how creepy. I'd find a new one OP

a feminist rant

in other words a woman speaking out

why do we not learn to stfu

Haha, OP. I think we have the same driving instructor!

Always making comments about me being a woman along with various sexist stereotypes and that i just need to think like a man and get on with it. I think he thinks he's being flattering . He also uses the word retard (even after i asked him to stop) and frequently tells me all other drivers are idiots. Unfortunately i'm doing an intensive course so i've already paid him the money and my test is in a week, but i fully intend on telling him exactly what i think of his attitude once i've finished!

I would escape while you can OP!

Some people are just thick. I'd have laughed it off and thought...'thick'.

I think it was unprofessional and in a situation where you are already stressed it was a mistake. It was probably a misjudged attempt at humour but it had a sleezy edge to it. People can joke all they want about themselves but when you start generalising and joking about other people i) you might offend someone and ii) you are no longer considering them as an individual but as a stereotype.

I agreed with PunkHedgehog.
A sexist joke. Which is inappropriate in itself, but also likely to be a sign that he's not a good instructor. If he believes that women fit a particular stereotype, he'll teach in a way that fits that stereotype; what you need is someone who'll teach you, and tailor their instruction methods to what you can do and the individual way you learn.

jalapenobusiness
My ex bf's dad was the loveliest man you could meet but had the worst sense of humour imaginable. He would have said something like this thinking he was hilarious! But had a wife and a family and was one of the nicest blokes you could meet. To think he might get into trouble like this with one of his silly / outdated statements... Makes me very worried. This man might have a family - I just don't think one off hand comment should be held against him.

Perhaps you should be brave and kind, and warn him he's offensive, then! The fact that he has a wife and family isn't relevant, and doesn't excuse him or anyone else.

There are millions of other example he could have used there was no need for sex to be brought into it.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if it made the op uncomfortable then it was out of order

pinkfairy84 Uh oh, you mentioned the 'f' word.

I think some of these replies would be a bad example of feminism, although then again, I'm not a feminist myself. It gets taken to ridiculous extremes these days.

I wonder if the driving instructor realises the outrage his comment has invoked.

How can you be a woman and not a Feminist?

Are you against women then Numanoid?

yes you are right

a woman has no right to feel uncomfortable about a sex joke made by man at anytime

Those hairy legged ranty feminists have no sense of humour and make it worse for women

How can you be a woman and not a Feminist?

Are you against women then Numanoid?

Because I feel the term has come to be associated with women who see everything as a slight upon them. This is not aimed at any posters here, it's mainly through posts I see on social media sites, or comments made by apparently feminist friends and acquaintances, and certain 'celebrities'. Feminism I have no problem with, although I don't have to be a feminist. Equally I could say, since you aren't a masculist, are you against men?

Personally, I think everyone, male and female, should have equal rights. If you read my previous posts, you would see that many times I said if the OP, or anyone, felt uncomfortable due to that comment they have the right to mention it, and to change instructor.

I find it funny that people think I'm against feminists or anyone who feels the joke was inappropriate, yet are getting at me for being okay with it, when I've said countless times you have every right to find the comment offensive.

And before anyone thinks I'm actually a man... I'm not.

The sexist stuff wouldn't have bothered me, I would have just rolled my eyes but the making love comment? No, that would have made me very uncomfortable.

In my (unfortunate) experiences, comments like that, where some wouldn't take much notice, generally lead on to more.

Bin him, he is an arse. Who talks about sex with someone they have only seen for an hour or so previously and who is their student. It is inappropriate and I think he is 'testing', much like a child does.

I binned my first driving instructor. He didn't say anything but he used to turn in the passenger seat to look at me and lean in. I was 17 and there was no need for it at all. He made me very uncomfortable so I didn't continue lessons with him.

If it made you uncomfortable, then that is reason enough to not go back.

Numanoid with all due respect, the term has become associated with women who "see everything as a slight" by those who would prefer women were "kept in their place."

The hijacking of the title of Feminist is part of the problem. If you can't see that then you need to do a bit of reading.

My driver instructor was essentially a pervert who told filthy jokes all lesson. I was a 17 year old girl. I only passed when my uncle, who was actually focused on the job in hand, gave me some lessons.

Bin him and get another one. Horrible attitude.

The hijacking of the title of Feminist is part of the problem. If you can't see that then you need to do a bit of reading.

I do see that... which is why I said it has been made that way by certain people.

I read The Female Eunuch (although I thought it was possibly a little extreme, but I may be wrong) and a few reports and articles when I was at school. I visited the Women's Library in my city a few times as well for further info (it's quite nice, not only information on feminism, but events etc. as well. Only problem - it's located down a dark, out of the way side lane :/ ). I just didn't feel the need to become an active feminist.

I'd love to actively campaign for so many things (I admit, I used to do this a lot when I was a teenager), but I don't have the time to do so much these days. To call myself a feminist and only post on social media about things that bother me, would make me a bit of a keyboard warrior and not bring about change. So I don't think I'd be of any help, unfortunately.

For those of you who are actively trying to bring about change, I say good on you, as I genuinely admire you for fighting for equality. :) I just try do what I can, as a general rule for all causes I support.

numanoid I'm on your wavelength

Thanks fifi :) Just realised I'd written a bit of an essay, I need to put a long post warning!

Numanoid "only" posting on Social Media about Feminism isn't to be sniffed at. Social Media reaches a far wider audience than any meeting in a pub's back room ever did.

Obviously the circumstances of this individual comment involved a woman and a man, alone in a confined environment. But the remark itself does not necessarily make it a strictly feminist issue.

I am imagining that many men, alone with another man, in a similar environment where the one paid to teach said something like "Men are not good at multi-tasking but tend to concentrate on doing one thing at a time, whether that be driving a car, reading a book or making love" would be made to feel uncomfortable.

A quid pro quo the same remark made by a female instructor to a male pupil might, depending on variables, have the male pupil cringing with embarrassment.

Its just inappropriate to mention "making love" when you are alone with someone, unless you know them very well and know they won't mind. The sexist remarks are a bit iffy too but more annoying than offensive.

Chelsy exactly!

He does have a point though.

MrsWinnibago I don't think my posts would do much use as it's not a cause I'm committed to, so don't post about it. Although I completely agree, it is a brilliant tool for reaching far and wide. I needed opinions and stories from people on the other side of the world whilst studying, and wouldn't have had a great chance of doing that without FB groups. Some of that touched on gender roles, without it being the topic at hand, so I suppose it affects on a great number of things.

Chelsy I agree. :) I think it's interesting how feminism has become involved though, it's interesting how many things can be brought up by one event.

FearandClothing I wish, I couldn't multitask to save myself. :(

He said Make love! Looking at it ... He might have even paraphrased an old comedian's line or a "funny" joke he's heard before. Have any of you seen Frankie Boyle?! This is not offensive stuff

I just spat my tea out. Frankie Boyle not offensive?

www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/7568997/Frankie-Boyle-offends-mother-of-Downs-syndrome-child.html

metro.co.uk/2013/03/07/frankie-boyles-top-10-controversial-gags-from-katie-price-to-madeleine-mccann-3530889/

I also said to the instructor that it feels like I will never get the hang of this. He replied "If my ex wife can drive, anyone can! Its nothing to do with intelligence"

!

Oh yeah. The slipping of the "ex-wife" into the conversation, so you know he is (a) not married and (b) not gay...