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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being oversensitive or was this remark a bit.....odd?

156 replies

CiderLover · 30/06/2014 10:02

I am currently taking driving lessons, second lesson was yesterday.

I was struggling to remember how to approach a junction and my instructor was asking what the problem was. I replied that I'm not very good at multitasking and remembering the different things I need to do.

His reply

"What!!? You're a woman, multitasking is your thing. Women, can read, cook a meal AND make love all at the same time!" He then laughed.

It made the next few minutes quite awkward when I was already anxious!

AIBU to think his comment was inappropriate?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2014 22:20

This is not offensive stuff!!!!

If it offends someone, it's offensive. I wouldn't be especially offended if a comedian said it on stage (though I would probably think "what a wanker, doesn't he realise it's not the 70s any more"), but it's inappropriate in the extreme for a driving instructor because it's just the two of you in a very confined space. Not as intimate as your gynaecologist, perhaps, but still pretty damned personal. You have to trust this man when he tells you to pull off the road into a quiet cul-de-sac to practice manoeuvres, not worry about whether he is going to try a few manoeuvres of his own! He will be getting you to drive at 60mph down a main road, so hopefully will not start groping while you're doing it because slapping his hand away could cause an accident. Basically, you don't want your driving instructor to be a sleazeball. Well I don't - maybe some would love it.

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 22:21

I want you all to stop the hate.... Take a deep breath... Close your eyes (ok maybe you can't read this if you close your eyes, but get someone else to read in a calming voice) ....
You want to drive. You book a lesson. You glide happily into the car,,, the man says "I hope you'll be good at changing gears, lanes, speeds and hands at the same time! Well you are a woman! You should be able to iron, wash up and make love all at the same time without breaking a sweat"

Now imagine that man is ......
PETER KAY!

Are any of you so offended that they should lose their job?!

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 22:24

If it offends someone it's offensive?!!!!

Well let's all just stop speaking FOREVER cause God Knows we will all offend someone at least 5 times a day!! I do not believe that this man MEANT to offend anyone. Why would he?! Would he WANT to lose a client? Probably not.

Smelsa · 30/06/2014 22:25

And there's nothing to suggest he wouldn't. He isn't going to get sacked anyway if his bosses are anything like you lot! Maybe a nudge away from that kind of stuff at work if anything.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2014 22:29

... and how do you know the OP isn't a teenager? She didn't say (unless I missed a post).

ps I have absolutely no interest in being taught to drive by Peter Kay, in an imaginary world where I hadn't been driving since he was in preschool. (I'm not even sure there'd be room for both of us unless it was a very wide car.) If I want to learn to drive I hire a professional driving instructor. If I want comedy I buy tickets for a show. And if I want sexual remarks I'll hire a gigolo, thank you very much.

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 22:33

If his bosses are reasonable and fair minded nothing will happen -thankfully. My ex bf's dad was the loveliest man you could meet but had the worst sense of humour imaginable. He would have said something like this thinking he was hilarious! But had a wife and a family and was one of the nicest blokes you could meet. To think he might get into trouble like this with one of his silly / outdated statements... Makes me very worried. This man might have a family - I just don't think one off hand comment should be held against him.

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 22:35

So your driving instructor must never attempt to make a comedic comment to you? That is a stipulation?
No jokes !!!!

Smelsa · 30/06/2014 22:37

No sexist, racist, political, homophobic or religious jokes unless you know your audience extreeeeemely well. Isn't that the general rule?

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 22:42

Good general rule. Agreed. But he said "oh come on you must be good a multitasking because...." So it might have been sexism but he was saying it was a positive.

He wasn't saying "you're a shit driver cause you're a woman!"

Smelsa · 30/06/2014 22:44

So?

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2014 22:48

No, he must never attempt to make innuendo to me. There's a difference. Plenty of other things in the world to laugh at. Some subjects are best avoided in some situations, that's all (said I, the world's greatest motormouth Blush). Most adults can get their heads round that with a bit of training. As someone already said on this thread, it's far more likely he will get a bit of a talking to from his boss than anything more drastic.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2014 22:50

Or, exactly what Smelsa said.

FreudiansSlipper · 30/06/2014 23:01

Well he did not seem to apologise I am sure he was aware that the op felt awkward but as it was a joke what is there to apologise for he found it amusing

yes let's all just put up and shut up. and of course you can only be offended if that was the intention Hmm

FreudiansSlipper · 30/06/2014 23:03

and I agree with what Smelsa said

jalapenobusiness · 30/06/2014 23:03

ps I have absolutely no interest in being taught to drive by Peter Kay, in an imaginary world where I hadn't been driving since he was in preschool. (I'm not even sure there'd be room for both of us unless it was a very wide car.)

How very Fat-ist!
I'm so very very offended. I shall never take lessons with you!
The above is a joke.
Sure it offends someone !
That's life.

FreudiansSlipper · 30/06/2014 23:06

What has choosing to pay to see or watching Frankie Boyle on TV got to do with the driving instructor. He is a comedian, the driving instructor is being paid to teach the op to drive not test out his jokes and if he does think of himself as a bit of a joker he knows what can and can not be said but choose to ignore that

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2014 23:23

I'm fat, 's nobody's problem but my own But if someone else made that remark about me it would be rude, and if someone who I am paying to provide a service made it they would not be paid to provide a service for me again. Businesses cannot afford to offend customers. Whilst a few are just looking for an excuse to be offended, and there's not a lot you can do about them, for the rest of the population there are some fairly obvious subjects which might reasonably be expected to cause offence. Making sexist, and sexual, remarks to a female pupil would I think be on most people's list. It's not a huge deal but it's annoying, and there's no reason why a customer should have to just suck it up and pretend to be cool about it if they don't like it.

Personally when I was a stroppy teen taking driving lessons I'd probably have made some fairly excoriating riposte and never thought of reporting it. Fortunately all the instructors I had any dealings with were extremely polite and professional, even though it was the 70s.

Lottiedoubtie · 01/07/2014 06:16

But he said "oh come on you must be good a multitasking because...." So it might have been sexism but he was saying it was a positive

Seriously? head desk

LoveBeingInTheSun · 01/07/2014 06:21

Why is ok for a stranger to make a sexual reference? Was he tring to suggest you should be able to drive and do something sexual at the same time? I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with him again in this situation. Your attention and focus should be on the road not what he might say next.

Numanoid · 01/07/2014 09:11

Was he tring to suggest you should be able to drive and do something sexual at the same time?

...No. He made a joke, which has been blown out of all proportion.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/07/2014 09:32

Just to add my voice and counteract all the 'lighten up, poor guy, just a joke' bollocks; this was completely inappropriate and I wouldn't see him again. I'm 33 and this would have made me very uncomfortable.

pinkfairy84 · 01/07/2014 14:50

Right or wrong some of the reactions from you are ridiculously over the top. Yes it was a bit of a unwise joke to make but it doesn't justify getting hysterical over it and launching in to some feminist rant like he should be on a registered offenders list. Maybe he thought it would make her laugh and relax in to her lesson a bit more. Get over it. It was a poor choice of words and no more than that.

chrome100 · 01/07/2014 14:56

I really couldn't give a fuck about that comment. I think you are over reacting.

Lottiedoubtie · 01/07/2014 15:03

Yes it was a bit of a unwise joke to make but it doesn't justify getting hysterical over it and launching in to some feminist rant like he should be on a registered offenders list

Am I included amongst the 'feminist rafters'?

Do you really consider my opinion to be a rant?

Lottie's Opinion: it was a joke that is sexist and it's ok for the OP to both feel uncomfortable, and sack the driver if she wants to. She should tell him why so that he might learn something about his instructing/speaking to female pupils.

Is it really me that has blown this out of proportion?

MrsWinnibago · 01/07/2014 15:08

Not wanting some strange man to mention sex to me is not "ranting" thank you. It's knowing my boundaries and expecting them to be respected.