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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to send kids to my Mum's so their step Dad can "have a break"?

153 replies

somanymiles · 28/06/2014 21:48

My DH and I had planned to spend a few days away next week and my kids were to go to my Mum's. However, we decided we were too skint to go away and would do day trips instead. He still expects my kids (who are his step children) to go to my Mum's so he can "have a break" from them. They are 12 and 15 respectively and pretty good, not rude or badly behaved. They already spend one or two nights a week at my Mum's or sister's house (Friday and Saturday this week). I think it's a bit much to expect Mum to have them for three nights when we won;t even be going away. He is in a massive sulk because he was looking forward to having a break from them. We have Wednesday-Friday off and they will be going to my Mum's on the Friday. AIBU? Should I ask Mum to take them anyway? They will be away for all of August visiting their Dad, so he will be getting a break soon anyway. We will still have DS3 with us who is three years' old.

OP posts:
Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 28/06/2014 21:51

How about he goes back to his mum and you can have a lovely time with your kids and a break from his mardybumness?

SallyMcgally · 28/06/2014 21:52

YANBU. That sounds very mean on the part of your DH, especially as you will still have their sibling with you so it's not childfree time anyway. I don't like that distinction he's establishing between his step-children and child. And, as you say, if he's got the whole of August without them then he's even more unreasonable.

HecatePropylaea · 28/06/2014 21:53

Is the 3 year old his biolofical child?

Either he sees you as a family unit or it cant work.
Its not you and him and the kids he has to tolerate. That is so unfair to them.

Finola1step · 28/06/2014 21:54

Well... We all need a bit of quiet time without the kids says she who hasn't been out for an evening with DH for ages

But your DH is being excessive. The dc already go to your mum's two nights a week. Is this every week? If so, why?

And they will be at their Dad's during a large chunk of their summer holidays.

Does your DH see your dc as part of his family? Or are they a necessary inconvenience to put up with until they turn 18?

bloodyteenagers · 28/06/2014 21:56

He wants a break?
Then he can leave then. Have as much of a break as he wants. The rest of you can enjoy yourselves without the selfish, mardy child spoiling the atmosphere.

Finola1step · 28/06/2014 21:58

Just re read your OP.

Sorry, this really doesn't sit right with me. He is sulking because he thought he was going to get a break from your dc.

People need a break from work, from the daily grind of housework, child care, shopping, cooking etc.

Needing regular breaks from two nice kids? Really? I think he is telling you something here and you need to listen.

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 28/06/2014 22:00

He was probably looking forward to some quality time with you. It doesn't make him a twat to be disappointed.

Chunderella · 28/06/2014 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weatherall · 28/06/2014 22:01

I don't see a problem with this.

(We are a step family)

Original poster
somanymiles · 28/06/2014 22:02

Yes, they are an incovenience that he puts up with. TBH while this bothers me a lot, I also realise that it must be hard to share your life with two children that are not yours. If there are any step parents out there who woud care to comment that would be helpful. The 3 year old is his biologically.

OP posts:
Original poster
somanymiles · 28/06/2014 22:03

Sorry weatherall, didn't see yours before I posted!

OP posts:
racmun · 28/06/2014 22:03

At first I thought fair enough, it is nice to be child free time but then as I read on you're having your daughter anyway I think he is being mean

FightingFires · 28/06/2014 22:04

I think he's probably disappointed about not having time just the two of you. That's nice sometimes. Do you not fancy a just the two of you break? Why not? I think YABU.

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 22:07

But it's not just the two of them. The 3y will still be there

MrsDiesel · 28/06/2014 22:08

I think some people are missing the fact they they will still have their three year old anyway which totally changes the tone of the post.

I think he is being horrible and if he need a break for his step children he can bugger off somewhere and have one!

Just curious but why do your children spend two nights a week out of the home and does your younger child go with them?

SallyMcgally · 28/06/2014 22:08

I'm a stepparent, but my DSCs are now adult and have left home. We were the nrps. But if I had ever wanted to intimate that I needed a break from them, or wanted them out of the house, I'd have been told immediately (and rightly) that it was their home and no way. And as for expecting my DH to favour his children with me over his children with his EXW - absolutely no way. I usually defend stepparents on AIBU. Absolutely not in this case.

ChasedByBees · 28/06/2014 22:10

He is being horrible. He has the whole of August. It can't be great for your DC to feel that they are just tolerated.

Chuffchuff · 28/06/2014 22:11

Tbh if I needed a 'break' from the DC, it would be a three year old rather than older children who tend not to be so 'full on' anyway.

And speaking from experience, 'blended' families can only really work when all dc are treated equally. Your H is so blatantly favouring his bio child that I assume this isn't the first time he's done so. Not on, IMO.

overthemill · 28/06/2014 22:12

I think he's being a bit of an arse BUT I am a step parent to two beloved stepchildren and I do really like it when my DH and I go away just with our dd. It's a different kind of break doesn't happen very often but I do like it. And I also like the holidays we have with the two of them as well! Just a different experience . My 2 dcs are adults now. ( 21 and 18) but still come away with us. They live 50/50 just about with us and with their mum when not at uni .

Original poster
somanymiles · 28/06/2014 22:13

My three year old has never had a sleepover away from home, so it was never the plan for him to go to my Mum's. He will be in nursery during the day though. The big kids often go to my Mum's on a Friday as we have Friday night dinner there and they don't like going home late on the bus plus will get spoiled by Mum in the morning (chocolate pancakes etc). I sometimes stay too. They like going to my sisters' too because she lets them play video games, stay up late etc. It's usually one night a week, just happens to be two this week for one reason or another.

OP posts:
overthemill · 28/06/2014 22:13

Btw some years the dcs have 5 or 6 holidays as they have huge extended family they all go away with.

SureFootedWhispher · 28/06/2014 22:13

I understand completely his feelings, but I think he is getting 'a break' anyway.

I sometimes feel sufficated with my stepchildren, but they are 18 & 20 and do nothing to help out. DD is 2.6.

RhondaJean · 28/06/2014 22:13

Well I can kind of understand because I would be sulking if I thought I was getting a couple of days without my kids and it didn't happen - and they are my own biological kids - but then you mentioned the 3 year old.

Original poster
somanymiles · 28/06/2014 22:16

Fightingfires - I do fancy some quality time with him. But it just seems odd to ask my Mum to have them for three nights when we are not even away.

OP posts:
SquigglySquid · 28/06/2014 22:17

I also realise that it must be hard to share your life with two children that are not yours.

Oh the poor thing. Coming into a relationship knowing full well there were kids. He knew what he was getting into. He doesn't deserve a medal for simply putting up with you kids.

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