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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take teenage DD on holiday to Disneyworld Florida?

302 replies

NotSureAboutThat · 28/06/2014 21:02

I have booked our first ever overseas holiday to Disneyworld Florida in August. It is a major thing for us and we have saved for it for a long time. There will be myself, DH, DD1 (age 20) DS1 (age 18) DD2 (age 17), DS2 (age 9) and DD3 (age 7).

It is costing an absolute fortune but is a trip of a lifetime for us. Due to the cost, we have said to the older DCs that they need to have saved enough money to pay for their food, accommodation and spending money. They all have jobs and still live at home although DS1/DD2 only work part time as they are at college. They earn enough to be able to save enough though.

Yesterday, I had a massive argument with DD2 as she is not saving any money and I told her she is not coming unless she can pay her way. She said fine she won't come then. I was furious at her mouthing off so taking her at her word, I have changed the plane ticket in her name to that of DD1's friend who has said she will be delighted to come and will pay for her ticket so we at least get some money back on it. DH agreed with this as he does not want her to come due to her disgusting attitude in general. She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us!

I have told her that she will have to stay with my sister while we are away as I am worried she will have people around while we're not here.

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today.

WIBU?

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 28/06/2014 21:30

The flight changing and the contact lenses have pushed this one past the brink of credibility.

You should have said she spends all her money on her phone, and that you haven't booked the ticket yet.

Maybe i could write the next one for you?

Loungingbutnotforlong · 28/06/2014 21:30

I feel sick about this- that poor child. FFS she is 17- no doubt being a pain but she lives with a stepfather who clearly makes it plain that he doesn't want her around , and a spiteful bitch of a mother who has clearly put her bottom of the pile. You'll be lucky if she ever forgives you for this!

TheBloodManCometh · 28/06/2014 21:30

I moved out at age 17, taught at a school in South Africa for 6 months and then travelled on my own for 6 weeks.
I came back to the UK and found an apartment to rent and got a full time job.

17 years old is not a child and more than old enough to save money for holiday spending.
More than old enough to understand consequences too.

HilariousInHindsight · 28/06/2014 21:30

I smell lies.

If it is not then her step dad and Mum are assholes and she deserves better. Her mother won't even stick up for her .

I hope it's fake as if not I feel for that poor girl:(

JamJimJam · 28/06/2014 21:31

If this is for real - you sound awful. Could you really enjoy your holiday under these circumstances?

Rebecca2014 · 28/06/2014 21:31

This is fake.

This girl gets 320 a month and pays 120 a month in rent so 200 pound left over and with that she pays for contact lenses and spending money yet OP expects her daughter to save up 500 pounds??

Try harder next time troll.

musicposy · 28/06/2014 21:31

She pays you keep when she is still studying for A levels? Bloody hell, poor kid. And step daughter or not, your DH has no business wanting to not take her.

It's not like they have left home or are earning full time. If you couldn't afford to pay for the whole family properly you shoudn't have gone at all.

I do hope your relationship with your DH lasts for the rest of your life because you certainly aren't going to have daughters for support.

londonrach · 28/06/2014 21:31

Your poor dd. I'm shocked at you. Your update has confirmed you have been very yabvvvvvvvvu to her. I hope you wake up and start treating her better before you lose her forever or you don't care as you have the other children. No wonder she hates you all. Please give your dd a hug from me. I feel for her. Poor kid. I hope she's got some good friends as she need them to make up for lack if family support. You sure you not someone writing an article?

ilovemywestie · 28/06/2014 21:32

She pays you £30 a week keep? Well if she does then she can't have much left over to save then can she! So you are asking her to save up£500 in a few months to pay for the holiday plus give you £30 a week housekeeping still....oh your poor daughter Sad She is 17, she is NOT an adult! She's still at school and your DH (her step dad) doesn't want to to come anyway...words fail me. You and your husband sound terribly mean and nasty.

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:32

Your 17y child who is in education and does not have a proper job pays you £120 a month board?!

Really!

Surely a Saturday job at that age is for pin money, not to pay board to parents to stay in the family home?

razmataz · 28/06/2014 21:33

So hang on, your DH is step dad to your three eldest? And those three have to pay their own way? Way to make them feel like second tier family.

She earns £80 pw and has to pay you £30 board already? At 17?

So you're expecting her to save up £500 for this holiday, which would be every single penny she earns for 2 1/2 months?

You sound horrible. And so does your DH.

Lordofmyflies · 28/06/2014 21:33

I am actually surprised you charge her £120 a month when she is still in education and only 17! To then expect her to pay her way for a family holiday is really unreasonable.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/06/2014 21:33

Just wow! Are only the 2 younger your DH's? He hasn't paid for the trip, he has paid only the airfares. If he didn't want to take his SC he should have made that clear, otherwise he should have picked a holiday he could afford to take you all on. The older DC saving their own spending money is one thing but to tell them they have to pay their own food and accomodation, I wouldn't go on this 'family' vacation if I were them

solvendie · 28/06/2014 21:33

I think that you could've helped her save by asking for a set amount each week to put away for her. If she refused, you could've reminded her of her responsibilities towards the holiday and given plenty of notice to her that she would not be going if she didnt save enough.

To give a one time, final warning and immediately transfer her ticket - YABU.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/06/2014 21:33

This is op's first post on MN.

Move along everyone. We know what this is.

AgaPanthers · 28/06/2014 21:34

Also earning 80 per week as a 17 year old in fulltime education would be pretty much a full time job. (NMW is 3.73 per hour)

Total bollocks.

Captainbarnacles1101 · 28/06/2014 21:34

I hope this is all fabricated for the sake of that poor girl! If not I hope she moves very far away from that horrible woman and her husband

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/06/2014 21:35

I might have done a search to check op's posting history.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 28/06/2014 21:35

Very cruel. I hope it casts a long shadow over the entire holiday. She is 17 FFS. Which is about the age you have acted here. Obviously fairly shite family dynamics too. I feel very very sorry for your poor DD.

TheBloodManCometh · 28/06/2014 21:36

Wait - I missed the accommodation bit.
Paying for own spending money and food, perhaps. But her accommodation?

And you charge her rent and she's still at school?!

She earns £80 in a PT job and you are taking £30 of that?
Bloody hell, OP Shock

£500 is a lot of money to HAVE to save for a holiday

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:36

Thebloodmancometh - legally a 17y IS a child.

And this is a 17y child who is still at school/college and one who is already having to pay to live in her family home.

You may have lived a different life and loved it but for many people a 17y is still a school child.

campingfilth · 28/06/2014 21:36

So she is legally still your responsibility and you are getting CB for her as she is still in education and you charge her rent???? What a fucked up family you are. Tell you what give your daughter my details I feel I;d be a better family for her than you.

I do not know a single person that charges a kid rent that is still effectively in school. I think you need to seriously look at how you and your horrible husband treat her and then you will have your answers for her behaviour. No way would I allow any man to treat my child with such obvious contempt!!

TheBloodManCometh · 28/06/2014 21:38

AgaPanthers Not necessaerily. I earnt about £60pw at a weekend job in a shop at 16/17 (6-7 years ago). Doesn't have to to be NMW.
But yes, starting to smell like a troll

Floggingmolly · 28/06/2014 21:38

It's hardly the holiday of a lifetime for your kids if they're being forced to pay their own way... Hmm. You sound like a miserable old trout, I'd opt out of spending a holiday with you, too.

JustSpeakSense · 28/06/2014 21:39
  1. your 17 year old daughter pays you £120 board Shock
  2. your DH 'didn't want yet to come anyway'Shock
  3. you will be taking a friend in her placeShock
  4. you expect a 17 year old to save enough to pay for her own food, accommodation and spending money on your trip of a lifetimeShock
  5. you plan to have a trip of a lifetime without a member of your familyShock