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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not take teenage DD on holiday to Disneyworld Florida?

302 replies

NotSureAboutThat · 28/06/2014 21:02

I have booked our first ever overseas holiday to Disneyworld Florida in August. It is a major thing for us and we have saved for it for a long time. There will be myself, DH, DD1 (age 20) DS1 (age 18) DD2 (age 17), DS2 (age 9) and DD3 (age 7).

It is costing an absolute fortune but is a trip of a lifetime for us. Due to the cost, we have said to the older DCs that they need to have saved enough money to pay for their food, accommodation and spending money. They all have jobs and still live at home although DS1/DD2 only work part time as they are at college. They earn enough to be able to save enough though.

Yesterday, I had a massive argument with DD2 as she is not saving any money and I told her she is not coming unless she can pay her way. She said fine she won't come then. I was furious at her mouthing off so taking her at her word, I have changed the plane ticket in her name to that of DD1's friend who has said she will be delighted to come and will pay for her ticket so we at least get some money back on it. DH agreed with this as he does not want her to come due to her disgusting attitude in general. She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us!

I have told her that she will have to stay with my sister while we are away as I am worried she will have people around while we're not here.

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today.

WIBU?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 28/06/2014 21:18

Come back and tell us you're going to make it right, OP.

You did ask for MN's opinion after all, and you've definitely got it!

ExcuseTypos · 28/06/2014 21:18

Is this a joke?

Saracarbonera · 28/06/2014 21:19

OMG I think you YABVVVU. Above all she is your daughter and still a child. This is suppossed to be a family holiday of a lifetime and she's going to be left out of that. She's going to hate you in the future.

Anotheronebitthedust · 28/06/2014 21:19

wow I wrote that when there were only 2 messages, and by the time it posted there were loads!

Actually, I also agree with whoever above said it was harsh to make any of the older children pay their way (apart from spending money) while the youngest go for free after all, it's not their fault you didn't go away when they were young.

shouldnthavesaid · 28/06/2014 21:19

I'm 22, work full time and couldn't imagine saving enough money for this.

I feel really sorry for your daughter - missing out on the trip of a lifetime over one argument? She's seventeen, FFS.

In so many years she'll be married with children of her own and won't be coming on holidays with you - you'll regret your decision not to take her then.

unrealhousewife · 28/06/2014 21:19

Of course YWBVU.

Get another ticket and make it up to her. She's still at school ffs. I doubt she would go now anyway.

Really you should have discussed this before buying the tickets. It seems from the outside that you did that on purpose.

MorrisZapp · 28/06/2014 21:19

Think you've nailed it AgaPanthers.

I really want to take DS to Disneyland when he's bigger, these big sums take some swallowing. Better start saving!

PumpkinPie2013 · 28/06/2014 21:20
Shock

YABVVVVU

She said it in the heat of the moment during an argument - we all say things we don't mean in arguments.

Your DH doesn't want her to go anyway??

It's no wonder her attitude is bad Sad

I think you need to book her back on immediately!!

thecuntureshow · 28/06/2014 21:20

Yabvvvvu. What a nasty thing to do!

In fact, so unbelievably cruel I'm going to say it's not true

Delphiniumsblue · 28/06/2014 21:20

I don't know how you can all enjoy a family holiday of a lifetime if one member is excluded. It would have been better to have a cheaper holiday.

SoonToBeSix · 28/06/2014 21:20

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todayisnottheday · 28/06/2014 21:20

I think you need to find a way out of this. Fair enough if you went every year but this is a one off. How you do that without letting down the friend I don't know. Next time try not to react so fast!

SoonToBeSix · 28/06/2014 21:21

Oh and yes YABVU

AnyoneForTennis · 28/06/2014 21:21

Hold on....... At 17 and still in education you will still be getting both child benefit and tax credits if you are under thd threshold

Do you get those for your dc?

TheAwfulDaughter · 28/06/2014 21:21

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Nalia · 28/06/2014 21:22

No wonder she seems to hate you.

You need to take the money from Friend's flight ticket and use it to buy another one for your DD. Unless you're OK with her moving out and never talking to you again.

Original poster
NotSureAboutThat · 28/06/2014 21:22

Gosh, thanks for the replies.

I admit I do feel bad about doing it now but I was furious at her. She spends all her money on contact lenses and clothes that she does not need. She earns around £80.00 per week.

DH is adamant she's not coming. In fact he did not want her coming even before this latest argument. He is her step dad and their relationship has never been easy. He has actually paid for the trip and I am not going to fall out with him over it.

OP posts:
findingherfeet · 28/06/2014 21:22

Yeah to be fair I wouldn't have wanted to go to Disney land at 17 especially if I had to pay my own way, would have preferred to holiday with friends for sure.

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/06/2014 21:22

YABmassivelyU

She's 17. You should never have expected her to pay for her own accommodation and food. If you can't afford it, go somewhere cheaper and take everyone. Or wait a few years until the older three are all proper adults and then take just the younger two (older ones welcome if they pay). Saving up to take 3 of your 5 children on the holiday of a lifetime is shit.

You've also masively over reacted to her heat of the moment outburst.

and DH doesn't even want her to come? Why does she hate you....I just can't think Hmm.

Show her this thread OP and then point her in the direction of the Stately Homes threads.

londonrach · 28/06/2014 21:22

Why would anyone make this up. I prefer to believe op that in this case she as Yabu to her dd. poor kid....

ilovemywestie · 28/06/2014 21:23

So you are just paying for their flights? Is that right? Your son is 18, daughter 17 so still at school/college and you are making them pay for all of that? I am shocked! YABVVVU!
My daughter is 21 and we still include her in family holidays and pay for her.
That is a truly wicked thing to do to her. Yes she's a grumpy teen at the moment and might be a bit rude but that could be dealt with in other ways instead of this awful spiteful thing you have done to her. This is such a horrible thing to do...you should be ashamed of yourself!

TheAwfulDaughter · 28/06/2014 21:23

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Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:23

Her own dad doesn't want her there anyway. :(

Will you really be able to enjoy your once in a lifetime family holiday with one child there?

And do you ever expect to get a nice relationship back with your daughter after this? She will always have that memory of being replaced in the family's once in a lifetime holiday by her older sisters friend.

At 17y she's not even officially an adult and she is still at school.

AgaPanthers · 28/06/2014 21:23

You can't change the name on flights anymore.

Actually OP, 8/10 on this one. Pretty good effort.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/06/2014 21:23

I'm not going to post what I really think because I'll get banned!

YABVVVVVVU!

I have a 17yo DS (and a 19yo DS) who earns £5 an hour in his Saturday job. I would never ask him to pay for his holiday to Florida, or even a camping trip, because he would be saving forever and not be able to do anything with his friends, or buy any clothes etc.

I think you are incredibly mean and you are going the right way to completely destroy any chance of having any relationship with your DD.

Oh, and BTW it is not the DD who is spiteful, it's the OP!