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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take teenage DD on holiday to Disneyworld Florida?

302 replies

NotSureAboutThat · 28/06/2014 21:02

I have booked our first ever overseas holiday to Disneyworld Florida in August. It is a major thing for us and we have saved for it for a long time. There will be myself, DH, DD1 (age 20) DS1 (age 18) DD2 (age 17), DS2 (age 9) and DD3 (age 7).

It is costing an absolute fortune but is a trip of a lifetime for us. Due to the cost, we have said to the older DCs that they need to have saved enough money to pay for their food, accommodation and spending money. They all have jobs and still live at home although DS1/DD2 only work part time as they are at college. They earn enough to be able to save enough though.

Yesterday, I had a massive argument with DD2 as she is not saving any money and I told her she is not coming unless she can pay her way. She said fine she won't come then. I was furious at her mouthing off so taking her at her word, I have changed the plane ticket in her name to that of DD1's friend who has said she will be delighted to come and will pay for her ticket so we at least get some money back on it. DH agreed with this as he does not want her to come due to her disgusting attitude in general. She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us!

I have told her that she will have to stay with my sister while we are away as I am worried she will have people around while we're not here.

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today.

WIBU?

OP posts:
londonrach · 28/06/2014 21:11

Wow I'm glad my parents never treated me like that. Aged 17 I was still enjoying family holidays. I don't remember paying anything but I wasn't working apart from paper round. I did the washing up and drying up every night. Best memories is those holidays. Despite what she says and the fact she can marry etc she still a child. I'd gave given her longer so if you needed the money taken so much from her per week yo return to her for holiday.....

Delphiniumsblue · 28/06/2014 21:11

I think you have been very unfair and am not surprised you have problems with her if you can do that.

YourBrotherInLaw · 28/06/2014 21:11

I think you are, sorry.

If you couldn't afford to pay for the family to go, why on earth didn't you book something cheaper and avoid all this angst and unfairness?

Rebecca2014 · 28/06/2014 21:12

Your daughter will also never forgive you for this. She is 17 years old, not even an adult and really you acted very childish.

But hey you got another 4 children so what does it matter if you leave one out! That is what your poor daughter will be thinking and I have thought it many times myself (I am the dreaded middle child)

londonrach · 28/06/2014 21:12

Yabu by the way. Your poor dd. hope she forgives you.

Higheredserf · 28/06/2014 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:13

I also think you were very quick to change the ticket details. No chance to change her mind. Done same day pretty much!

Realitybitesyourbum · 28/06/2014 21:13

Wow! You are MEAN! Expecting a 17 year old to pay for their own holiday. Do you actually want a relationship with her when she is an adult because that is the kind of nasty behaviour a child never forgets of their parent.

sunbathe · 28/06/2014 21:14

Sorry, but YABU. I wouldn't expect a 17 yo to pay their own way, even the 18 yo might struggle.

Spending money, yes, not food and accommodation.

Ihatemytoes · 28/06/2014 21:14

Yes, YABU. Very.

campingfilth · 28/06/2014 21:14

WOW just WOW you are expecting your 17 year old, who it at college doing A levels to pay her own way!!! No wonder she is snippy and nasty. This is your once in a life time holiday and you are paying for her younger siblings but expecting her to pay. Massively treating them differently then again no wonder she is being horrible.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU and don;t expect to ever have a good relationship with your poor daughter. I mean did you take her on a once in a life time holiday when she was 9 like you are doing to her siblings!!

findingherfeet · 28/06/2014 21:14

Aww I think this will really sour your special holiday, I would have understood you wanting her to contribute, spending money etc but accommodation?? and her own food??? Blimey Hmm

DraggingDownDownDown · 28/06/2014 21:14

I am normally all for teaching a lesson but making them pay for food, accommodation AND spending money...blimey. So youre only paying for flights then?

I think that is really unfair - definitely can understand saving their own spending money but food and accommodation....ummmm....not so sure.

But it could be my judgement is clouded as going to disney as a 17yr old would be my idea of hell.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/06/2014 21:15

You are quite unbelievable op.

Wow. Just wow.

CuthbertDibble · 28/06/2014 21:16

You don't waste much time! One teenage strop and less than 24 hours later she's been replaced on the trip.

In principle, I have no issue with what you've done but I really think you should have given her a few days to back down, apologise and be allowed to rejoin the party. She's only 17, she's still at college, she only has a part-time job, you are still responsible for her.

Notfootball · 28/06/2014 21:16

Yabu, I feel sorry for her. Whole family plus friend going for first long haul holiday without her. She's only 17 and I think I was a bit of a cow at that age but I cannot imagine that my DM would do something like that.

Anotheronebitthedust · 28/06/2014 21:16

Sorry but I think that is really nasty. I understand your reasoning, and anger, and of course it wouldn't be fair if you had allowed her to go for free and her older siblings had to pay their way. But you could have gone about it another way.

I don't know how often she works/how much she earns, but 1 shift a week at minimum wage would be £40-50 per week, so £200 ish by August, if you impressed on her that you were deadly serious, she could have not spent a penny until then and have at least some of the money needed. Or, if she still didn't save you could have just paid for her there, but made it clear she wasn't getting any pocket money/christmas or bday presents/driving lessons etc until it was 'paid back.'

Surely if your daughter's friend is paying for her ticket but not her accommodation/food, you are not actually making much money back, but just spending it on someone who isn't even your family?

I just think, if this is your one special, overseas, family holiday, you will be talking about it for years and years to come, have photos on display, etc, and all she will remember is that she was left out and some random friend came instead. She's only 17, all teenagers mouth off sometimes, they don't mean it!

Bobbybaby · 28/06/2014 21:16

Wowwww. So you had an argument with a teenager and within 24 hours replaced her on your first and only ever family holiday?? Sounds like you moved pretty bloody quickly on that one and in anger...wonder where your DD gets her spiteful streak from?

Annunziata · 28/06/2014 21:17

Hmmm, this is the only time OP has ever posted....

AgaPanthers · 28/06/2014 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 28/06/2014 21:17

Wow what a fucking horrible thing to do. Either you payfor all the kids or none - chose somewhere you can afford. No harm asking them to contribute but to change her ticket? I wouldn't expect her to forgive you.

razmataz · 28/06/2014 21:17

Gosh I think that is horribly cruel of you.

I think it is very harsh to expect your three elder kids to pay for their accommodation anyway - not as if they are mid 20s, they are still studying!

Being a bit of an arse aged 17 is totally normal, and I think it's really spiteful and nasty of you to leave her out of the holiday based on one stroppy comment.

YAB increadibly U and if you don't fix this, I think you'll damage your relationship with her forever.

Gerberama · 28/06/2014 21:17

Don't think you abu to ask older kids to contribute, as long as the amount you are expecting them to save is achievable and realistic on their income. However you shouldn't have changed the tickets so quickly, would have been better to wait a couple of days then discuss again. She must feel awful that the whole family are going without her!

BoldBlackCherry · 28/06/2014 21:17

Yanbu in asking your adult/working children to pay their way (to most people Disney/Florida is very very expensive, I know on mumsnet it's the norm but ffs it's probably costing near on £10k) but Yabu to have cancelled her ticket and offered it to someone else that quickly. You should have waited until you had calmed down and discussed it with her before doing what you did. She will probably never forgive you, I know I certainly wouldn't.

It's a trip of a lifetime that she is going to miss out on. Family memories that she won't be part of and that's just not right.

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:17

MorrisZapp

It's costing us approx £1000 per flight this summer.
The villas are about £450-500 a week for a big 4 bed with pool.
Tickets (Disney, US and Space Centre) are costing us about £400 per adult (over 10yo is adult price)

Food outside of parks are not that bad. In parks dearer.