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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take teenage DD on holiday to Disneyworld Florida?

302 replies

NotSureAboutThat · 28/06/2014 21:02

I have booked our first ever overseas holiday to Disneyworld Florida in August. It is a major thing for us and we have saved for it for a long time. There will be myself, DH, DD1 (age 20) DS1 (age 18) DD2 (age 17), DS2 (age 9) and DD3 (age 7).

It is costing an absolute fortune but is a trip of a lifetime for us. Due to the cost, we have said to the older DCs that they need to have saved enough money to pay for their food, accommodation and spending money. They all have jobs and still live at home although DS1/DD2 only work part time as they are at college. They earn enough to be able to save enough though.

Yesterday, I had a massive argument with DD2 as she is not saving any money and I told her she is not coming unless she can pay her way. She said fine she won't come then. I was furious at her mouthing off so taking her at her word, I have changed the plane ticket in her name to that of DD1's friend who has said she will be delighted to come and will pay for her ticket so we at least get some money back on it. DH agreed with this as he does not want her to come due to her disgusting attitude in general. She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us!

I have told her that she will have to stay with my sister while we are away as I am worried she will have people around while we're not here.

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamus · 29/06/2014 02:20

Seriously people. Read the damn thread.

Cerisier · 29/06/2014 02:35

OP I am not surprised you are still upset by it decades later. It was extremely grasping and nasty behaviour by your DM and SF.

I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Itsallabout · 29/06/2014 02:46

Maybe the Op wrote it as a reverse as it was more comfortable emotionally for her to do so and to try to detach her-self a little from it.

Whatever her reasons, who are we to judge why?

Op, I'm sorry this happened to you and understand how it would have affected you in life. It cannot have been easy going nc from your Mother and Sf so well done for having the strength.

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 04:06

Your poor daughter. God, you didn't even "sleep" on this did you, just changed her ticket name within hours...I wonder if secretly, you don't want her to come, because you can save more money asking the friend of your dd1!!

I can understand paying their way, but on a part time job you want her to pay for her food, accommodation & spending!! Wow!

At the very least, mine would be asked to save for spends only. So sad.

I hope you enjoy yourself while pushing your youngest teen out of her family. You must feel so proud to have made this stand against your child.

She is spiteful and nasty to her siblings and seems to hate all of us! I wonder why op. if you exclude her like this often, I wonder why Sad

She could not believe I had actually changed the plane ticket and is quite upset about it today. That surprises you, doesn't it? Do you think she doesn't have any feelings at all?

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 04:23

Why don't you point her to the stately home thread, op?

Do you make her buy her own food at home? All her meals? How much does she earn? How much do you take of that for board?

You sound like my mum. First job, first weeks pay 120.00, she took 60.00 board, 10.00 utilities & made me buy any 'special' food I wanted (i.e marmite - which I kept in my room, which pissed her off, as she thought I should share it) then the same every week after that...any wonder we don't talk anymore. And at that time I was paying council tax too. She used to moan that I never went out anywhere (so she & her latest dh could have 'quiet time'), I told her I couldn't afford to!!

I know Disney Florida is expensive but even so... Yes it is, but like you say, even so! I would have chosen a destination that I could have afforded accommodation & flights for ALL my children & just asked the older one to save for their spends.

I have been the excluded child. MY grandparents were allowed to take my sister away, but not me (I was younger, by a year, but even when I was older, they refused) I wasn't allowed on school trips, to do after school activities. Yet my sister got it all. Sad You have no idea how that feels unless you have lived it. And it had nothing to do with my behaviour, because I was better behaved than her.

I just think, if this is your one special, overseas, family holiday, you will be talking about it for years and years to come, have photos on display, etc, and all she will remember is that she was left out Oh God, I didn't even think of that! All the talking, laughing, memories made....your poor dd, sitting, listening in... Sad Sad

She spends all her money on contact lenses What a shocking waste of money Hmm

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 04:25

In fact he did not want her coming even before this latest argument

And therein lies the SOLE reason you acted SO fucking quickly in changing her name! You would rather keep him happy than your daughter. You saw this as a golden opportunity to gain favour with your dick of a husband.

Stately homes thread, op....seriously. For her, not you.

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 04:30

Saving up to take 3 of your 5 children on the holiday of a lifetime is shit

Two of the 5, not three. the 20yr old, 18yr old, 17yr old ALL been asked to pay accom, food, spends. It's obvious what has been done here. I would bet both younger children are her dh's.

he is happy to pay for them, just not his step children. He is dividing the fmaily with op's help. He doesn't get on with the 17yr old. Perhaps he engineered this because he KNEW she couldn't save enough? Therefore, he is excluding her, but it all looks like it is her fault.

Another case of a woman putting sex before her kids.

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 04:52

They actually fucking did it, op? I am so sorry you had a mother like this...

NadiaWadia · 29/06/2014 04:58

I don't think making it a reverse did any harm. It was interesting. How is it 'trolling' when it really happened?

So sorry your DM and SD behaved like this OP. To ask a 17 still in full time education to pay for their spending money only (if they had a part time job) might be OK, but nothing more than that, definitely.

And to take 'board' money from said 17 year old, whom you are presumably still getting child benefit for, greedy and just appalling.

musicalendorphins2 · 29/06/2014 05:59

I think it is a pretty rotten way for a parent to treat a kid and I am sorry your mother allowed you to be treated this way.

TheBloodManCometh · 29/06/2014 08:27

Can people please READ THE THREAD before posting??

NickiFury · 29/06/2014 08:52

I honestly don't understand why people care so much that it's a reverse. Big deal!

Nasty just to focus on that when the OP is obviously hurting. Why is it so unbelievable? My own mother, from my very first month of earning took over half my wages off me for "board". I was also not allowed to use the washing machine or phone and rarely ate there. Bear in mind both my parents were working full time earning substantially more than I, living in subsidised housing (forces) and had very few outgoings. They were just greedy.

UptheChimney · 29/06/2014 08:53

She spends all her money on contact lenses and clothes that she does not need

She's 17 and still at school, and you require her to pay for her own contact lenses? Just for that, YABCompleteltyU

UptheChimney · 29/06/2014 09:20

Oh dear, now I've RTFT.

But still. OP your mother was BU. Very. Glad you're going on a lovely family holiday now.

anyoldname76 · 29/06/2014 09:24

I hate a reverse thread, there are a lot of people on this thread that could get banned for troll hunting.
I know you were the daughter, but pretending to be the mother is just low. Its like you want to watch people get all worked up just to validate yourself.
I'm sorry that you went through that as a child but you would have had a lot more support if you had just been honest about who you were.

forago · 29/06/2014 09:26

OP I know you're NC but make sure you get one of those postcards made up with you and all your children smiling and having a great time at Disney and sent it to your mother.

try not to dwell on what they did to you, horrible as it was and focus on having a great family holiday the right way.

piratecat · 29/06/2014 09:35

it's a reverse.

i quite like them they are lively.

grips grips get your grips here.Smile

StephenManganiseverywhere · 29/06/2014 09:36

there are a lot of people on this thread that could get banned for troll hunting

Well all they have to do to avoid that is erm, not troll hunt and just report as is made very clear!

OP, leaving aside all those that deal with death and illness, this is one of the most heartbreaking threads I have read. Good for you for moving on but believe me I understand that these thinks can still hurt years later!

pudcat · 29/06/2014 09:40

She pays me £30 a week keep, but is she is still in education you are getting Child Benefit as well for her.

piratecat · 29/06/2014 09:43

it's a reverse

ApolloniaVitelliCorleone · 29/06/2014 09:45

Wow just wow. If you can't properly afford a holiday then don't book it in the first place. Seriously you are making your older kids pay for food etc!!!!!! fair enough they should save for spending money at that age. Your daughter must be devastated. I can't express how wrong you are on this one!!

StephenManganiseverywhere · 29/06/2014 09:48

Echos piratecat

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Mrsjayy · 29/06/2014 09:54

Oh is it poor op that is a shitty thing to happen I didnt read thr full thread cos it is pages long, I hate reverses

Jinty64 · 29/06/2014 09:56

I fucking hate wasting my time reading fucking reverse AIBU's. They should spontaneously combust as soon as the word reverse is typed. Why, why, why not just post your question/query/AIBU.

YABVVVVU.

coldwater1 · 29/06/2014 10:04

Wow. I was working when my mother and step father took me to florida at 16. I just had to take my own spending money and they paid for everything else.