AIBU to want to be on the deeds of new house with DH?

[Gawainsgirl]

Basically my husband is very controlling with money. My credit rating is shot (made redundant last year).

He jointly owned the house we lived in for ten years with his mother, he and I split bills etc. It was mortgage free. They have sold this joint property, MIL has bought small house for cash, husband has put his cash on deposit.

Salient facts: no dc, I own nothing, I have no bank account and am unemployed, although looking. He earns a fair bit - c60k and gives me cash.

When we buy a house soon, with his proceeds, AIBU to want to be on the deeds as I'm his wife? Or am I worrying unnecessarily and should be grateful that he's 'keeping me'?

Nickname changed as sensitive subject. Thank you!

Why don't you temp? I always temped between jobs in the City and it's a great way to network too. If you're good you often get offered other roles (I did).

Also have you considered working as a PA? Events management was a core part of my job when I was a PA and am sure you'd have no problems getting a job.

Also I would have thought that if you are married you would be legally entitled to half the house anyway

As I said previously this is not the case. There are many elements of section 25 when it comes to the splitting of assets in financial remedy of divorce. It isn't a case of you are entitled to half.

:)

You will need to think very hard about a DRO. It is a serious step, is part of the insolvency service and should not be just done overnight without considerable thought and advice.

See, I think the debt relief order might be bad advice. It might solve a problem short-term in that you debts get written off but will you ever be able to get a mortgage in the future? You need to check that.

What happens if that fantastic job is just around the corner - back on £50k. Debts could be paid off in super fast time. You could build up your own deposit and either buy into the house your DH owns or if you don't stay together you could build up your own deposit.

It just seems to me you want the easy route out if you go for the debt relief order. Think long-term financial stability and security. You're only still young and have many working years ahead of you. Also, City firms don't like to employ bankrupts - and background checks will be done. You could screw up your future career if you're not careful.

Financial control = financial abuse. Why are you staying.

Step Change exists to answer these questions & give specialist advice. Free.

Garlic, it'll be on her credit file for 6 years. In that time getting any credit will be nigh on impossible let alone a mortgage. She has great earning capacity - she can't afford to mess up the chance of getting a great job in the future.

If her DH won't help her pay off the debts then maybe her mother can lend her the money just to stop the interest they put on these things. A job of some description needs sorting asap, I'd have thought. We don't know how willing the OP is to work in a job that isn't what she is used to. I find it strange she hasn't found something in the City temping for a year. Oriunda above did it and I did and twice it led to permanent roles. She wouldn't be deemed over qualified for temping.

Hahahaha to the poster who think an events manager gets £50k a year.

My friend is an events manager, central london, running events for big law and tax firms. She gets about half that. Way to go making assumptions!

I worked in the City 20 years giant. I also know people in the job, granted they've done it a long time, but yes indeed they do get £50k. In one case with bonuses more too. City is different to central London, in case you didn't know, the pay can often be different.

I know a couple of PAs on that too and production assistants with bonuses.

And you've made the assumption she was on one and not the other. Given it can be very very different it's a bit of a step to proclaim the OP's wage when she hasn't.

I would want to be on the deeds and I don't really see the point in being married if you want to keep finances separate. I don't really see why he is trying to keep you off the deeds anyway as if you divorce you would be entitled to some of the value of the house if you have been married for more than ten years.

giant, I took a guess on what she earned based on her saying she was a high earner and worked in the City as an events manager. I know a few events managers on £50k so what's your problem with my assuming she might be on roughly the same?

Just had a quick look on the internet and there are events manager jobs are coming up for over £50k. Yes, there are others on what your friend is on giant - i.e. half that amount. It depends on lots of things such as experience obviously plus City firms can pay more, often a lot more or it used to be the case. What was with the smug little laugh in your earlier post?

High earner does not equal £15k giant

Maybe I was being too generous with £50k but I know it's possible in the City. You wouldn't even be called a high earner but it's quite possible with a couple of job moves over a 10 year period with pay increases to be on that as an events manager in the City with or without bonuses. Central London is very different pay scale wise but giant maybe doesn't live in London so wouldn't have known that.

I actually know someone that does events on probably £100k but I didn't want to put that figure as that's more unusual. I took a guess that's all so why giant had so think she knew best and do the smug laugh I've no idea. I wouldn't call £30k a higher earner either if she worked in the City, £40k is pretty average so I went with £50k. It's really not that far-fetched giant.

If you are not on the mortgage then you are not on deeds. Simple as that.

You can get a will stating that you want a life insurance to pay off mortgage and the leave it to your spouse.

The mortgage company may even get you sign away your rights before granting mortgage.

You can draw up legal documentation but as your are financially contributing nothing then you should expect nothing.

VSeth- I think that the OP said that there isn't a mortgage so that isn't relevant.

Op, your not being unreasonable.

This is TREND ON mn LOADS OF people say one thing, and one or two posters come on the attack and say yes you are being U and the op, listens to them, not the masses!

Maybe you need Relate counselling, because you seem to have a different idea of marriage to your DH, its fine for those people on here saying they have withheld this and that and their spouses are fine with it ( lets hope they are) but its not fine to YOU,

Its YOUR marriage with YOUR dh and you dont seem to have the same ideas as him. this is the point...to me it seems really sad he is treating you like this, I see marriage as all in it together...I would not throw myself into it, to hold back X Y and Z, if I was second or third marriage with children, yes its a differnet matter to protect them.

Op, you and your DH are looking in different directions I once heard love is simply two people looking in the same direction.

£30k in the City is low earner (secretary, back office clerk etc). Higher earner would be £60k plus bonuses.

Your DH is sitting on enough money to purchase a property outright.

You and DH are living in rented accommodation currently.

One half of a joint bank account can't close it without both signatures.

You haven't tried to get a basic bank account since.

You plan to have the summer off before networking for a job.

Have I missed anything?

If the debt is 10k yet he has money sitting there ready to buy a house outright would it not be more sensible for you as a couple for him to pay them off. That way your credit rating gets sorted and you can address the overspending issue perhaps with help of Step Change et al . IVAs DROs , bankruptcy all have longer term implications which are best avoided. Whether he does it on the basis that you reimburse the "fund" when earning again is up to you to agree but I cannot see the point in your current situation other than it give him an opportunity to assert control.

Can you sign up with a temp agency, access update courses for IT etc through the jobcentre , volunteer and so to keep your independence and hopefully give yourself more options. If you start earning you really need a bank account. How is your JSA paid to you ?

Hi everyone, I had a serious chat with husband about how to go forward. He is reluctant to pay off my cc debts as he's concerned that I won't learn if he bails me out.

On work issue: I have registered with 3 secretarial temp agencies in the City, so hopefully I can start temping soon.

Regarding getting back into Events - anyone got any ideas on how to network with people who might need staff?

This thread has made me realise that the deeds are not the main problem, so thanks for walking me through it x

Hmm. Something to think about, OP, even if you don't want to share details on the thread. If I've got this right, while you were working you and your DH had no rent or mortgage to pay as he owned his house outright, and he has also saved enough to buy another one.

How much of your debt is to do with the fact that your H was benefiting from your high earnings while saving his own? How much of your wages went on things holidays and meals out that benefited both of you?

Of course that may not be the case - maybe you did spend all your money on hairdressig and fancy footwear and cocaine and champagne and maybe you have been irresponsible. However, your H now seems to be rather too fond of the idea of you as childlike dependent - having to ask him for money and put up with being told that you are unlikely to get another job. Does he do much domestic work, or are you told fairly regularly that this is now your responsibility in return for your keep?

One of the things that MSE recommends is that a spouse does not bail out their partner's credit cards if there are issues about spending.

I don't know if the debt is because of you being irresponsible, your partner being stingy or a combination but it isn't unusual.

If you go over to the MoneySavingExpert website and go on the forums, look for the Debt Free Wannabe board and they will be really helpful about the money side of things, there are a lot of lovely and knowledgeable people there.

As for the rest, it looks like you have different approaches to money at the very least and I think you have a lot of layers to untangle. Good luck