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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to be on the deeds of new house with DH?

143 replies

Gawainsgirl · 28/06/2014 07:41

Basically my husband is very controlling with money. My credit rating is shot (made redundant last year).

He jointly owned the house we lived in for ten years with his mother, he and I split bills etc. It was mortgage free. They have sold this joint property, MIL has bought small house for cash, husband has put his cash on deposit.

Salient facts: no dc, I own nothing, I have no bank account and am unemployed, although looking. He earns a fair bit - c60k and gives me cash.

When we buy a house soon, with his proceeds, AIBU to want to be on the deeds as I'm his wife? Or am I worrying unnecessarily and should be grateful that he's 'keeping me'?

Nickname changed as sensitive subject. Thank you!

OP posts:
splendide · 28/06/2014 07:44

My DH and I were in a very similar position when we bought but reversed (he was unemployed, the deposit was mine). I put him on the deeds, sharing property is part of marriage.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 28/06/2014 07:44

I'd say yes but with a document drawn up to say you won't claim on the % he's put in if you split.

LIZS · 28/06/2014 07:47

Yes you should go on the deeds as a matter of principle but as the house is a marital asset he would find it difficult to keep it for himself in the event of any split. However are you happy he is controlling financially, has it undermined your confidence to the extent that you cannot find work or he talks you out of applying ?

micah · 28/06/2014 07:55

Take it he's getting a mortgage for the property remainder?

Are you getting a joint mortgage? If your credit is shot will that make it impossible to get the mortgage at all?

I'd also check the banks rules- will they allow you on the deeds if you have no part of the mortgage?

I own my house, and dh is not on the mortgage or deeds. When we moved in, the bank asked him to get his own solicitor and sign a legal document that he had no claim on the house. This is because if something happens to me, they cannot evict dh if he has a claim on the house, and cannot force him to pay if he's not liable for the mortgage.

So I don't think you'd be allowed to on a mortgage property. If get yourself some legal advice if you can. I friend I think has an agreement where she contributes to the property, mortgage, bills, repairs etc. if they split she gets 50% of any increase in value.

I do think it's a tiny bit unreasonable to expect to effectively be given half a house when you aren't contributing at all. If you split in the future, a court will look at your contributions when deciding how to split marital assets.

What does your dp say? Surely that's the first person to ask?

KirjavaTheCat · 28/06/2014 07:59

Is he saying he wouldn't like you on the deeds?

KatieKaye · 28/06/2014 08:05

In Scotland it would not be possible to register with full indemnity a charge taken out by one party in a situation where the title sheet states that the subjects are owned by two parties. the application for registration would either be refused or it would be registered with an exclusion of indemnity. For this reason alone any lender would be extremely reluctant to grant a charge over the property. It could also create problems where the charge was called up - see the Supreme Court case of RBS v Wilson for details.

EverythingCounts · 28/06/2014 08:07

What's the history behind your credit rating being shot? Did that happen as a result of his being controlling with money?

Is he supportive of you getting back into work? Just seems that you would be in a better position all around if you were earning (easier said than done I know) and then could say you would contribute and could go on the deeds.

rollonthesummer · 28/06/2014 08:12

If this was the other way round and a woman on here had married a man with a shite credit rating who was unemployed yet wanted his name on the deeds of a house she already owned-people would be telling her to run for the hills!

splendide · 28/06/2014 08:18

Yes roll and calling him a cocklodger

financialwizard · 28/06/2014 08:27

Mortgage advisor here.

In England you have to be on the mortgage to go on the deeds unless you lodge home rights against the property or place a charge on, which is effectively the same thing.

Nanny0gg · 28/06/2014 08:32

So it is unreasonable for a married couple who have presumably promised to love each other and be together, to jointly own a house because one of them is presumably temporarily, unemployed? And one partner is only looking towards self-protection on separation?

So the only way to be in any way equal in a marriage these days is if both partners contribute financially and no other way counts?

Seems to me this is worse than the 1950s.

expatinscotland · 28/06/2014 08:35

No, it wouldn't, roll. This couple is married.

Original poster
Gawainsgirl · 28/06/2014 08:37

Thank you to all posters.

There won't be a mortgage as he's a cash buyer. My credit rating is shot as I went from being a high earner and high spender to being left with no income and credit card debts I couldn't pay. My fault.

I totally take your point regarding not having rights. He won't put me on deeds due to his wanting absolute control over all finances. I'm trying desperately to get a job but very lacking in confidence. Thanks again for all your feedback.

OP posts:
Doingakatereddy · 28/06/2014 08:38

Why have you been unemployed for 6 months?

Are there no jobs that would enable you to contribute?

If you got a job, you could possibly get mortgage for BTL property for example.

What is your plan to become financially independent?

Trooperslane · 28/06/2014 08:40

Why don't you have a bank account, op?

Original poster
Gawainsgirl · 28/06/2014 08:42

Doing, I am applying for anything and everything: low-income jobs won't take me as I'm "over qualified" and "will get bored" and I'm finding it hard to get interviews in my profession. My plan is to network like crazy in September and take any level role I see going!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gawainsgirl · 28/06/2014 08:43

No bank account as husband closed joint account and I can't get a new one without pledging income and passing credit checks, Troopers

OP posts:
Sidthesausage · 28/06/2014 08:45

You will be very vulnerable when you have children and are the main carer.

Sidthesausage · 28/06/2014 08:48

Contact various companies and do some voluntary work with them to help build your CV and confidence. Being seen is half the issue and often leads to work.

Doingakatereddy · 28/06/2014 08:53

No, I'm sorry but you could always have a basic post office account, you could be volunteering or contracting.

You can try the 'poor little me' approach for a while, but you're a grown woman and it's time to realise that perhaps you have got yourself in this situation & it's time to get yourself out.

BuggersMuddle · 28/06/2014 08:54

Why did your DH close the joint bank account?

Sidthesausage · 28/06/2014 08:55

If you aren't on the deeds, don't contribute to the mortgage but save until you can buy your own small ground floor two bed flat. Make the flat a buy to let and pass it off as a future pension for yourself so that you are not a burden on DH - or don't tell him about it at all! But actually that flat will be your safety net if you ever need to escape a financially abusive relationship. Property is likely be more expensive in 8 or 10 years and you may have less earning capacity due to having children.

HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque · 28/06/2014 08:55

If you are irresponsible with money and spend yourself into debt, even though you are on a high salary with no rent/mortgage to pay, then your husband is right to control the finances and not give you access to the joint account.

You obviously can't be trusted with it.

Sidthesausage · 28/06/2014 08:55

What are you trained for?