Oh fuck. Had a massive argument with ds. Said things I shouldn't. Now I don't know where he is

[snorkyorky]

It's pissing down. He doesn't have a coat or a phone. My husband has gone to look for him but he really could be anywhere. What do I actually do? He's 16. Just finished GCSEs

He will be home, go to bed and rest even if you don't sleep.

Sorry, but what do you mean by DS hates, really hates, DC2?

DC2 is nearly 4 years old have I got that right?

That statement has really concerned me, and if true, it seems you may have bigger problems in the family dynamic that DS1 eating their stepfather's dinner....

Gosh how sad. I can't imagine not going out to look for my son.

Can you overcome your reservations about contacting his father just in case he has been in touch?

Leave your phone on, though.

I do this if I go to bed when they are still out, even if we haven't argued. DD is 19

Can you text his dad? Just in case your son makes it to his house somehow in the night.

My DS went missing one night, no argument but long story and totally boring and too tired to explain.

we had gone out looking, needle in a haystack, drove two cars round for an hour.

Called police, they squad stop looking, you won't find him.

They came round, took some info, the little darling was found at mates at 6.30am, nothing wrong, police had to interview him as he was young and one said 'I bet your mum and dad were mad with you, mine were when I did this'

He will be fine, no one will cook tea like you do, so he will be back soon!

I would actually call 101 in these circumstances as he is a 'vulnerable' teen with no coat in pouring rain or means of contacting you. Explain that you are very worried about him. I really would not leave it any later.

Do you any friends/family with the use of a car who could drive around looking for him? Quicker than on foot.

You do need to let his Dad know. Could he have tried to hitch hike to him?

I certainly could not imagine going to bed .

Just leave him to cool off - he will come back when he's bored of being an arse.

It's a bit of rain in high summer, he won't melt

Even if he stayed out all night sleeping under a tree he would be fine. Don't stay up.

I'm sure he'll be ok, OP. Whatever he's doing, it won't be long before he starts missing home - that's where he's most comfortable and he'll realise it soon enough. Both my DSs did this and seemed to take great joy in worrying the hell out of me. (However on one occasion a woman knocked on my door and said he was at hers and he was fine and his welcome would start running out in a day or two! ) I never told him I knew where he was tho'.

He will come home when he has 'punished' you enough, as some one already said.

In the meantime remember that it was unreasonable for him to eat his step dads dinner and so you were right to tell him that.

Update us in the morning OP, he will be home. But remember don't make him the prodigal son.

You really need to call his dad.

I guess ds hates dc2 mainly because he was an only child for 12 years and resents the newcomer. Dc2 is completely normal for age which means sometimes he has tantrums over ridiculous things, sometimes he wets the bed or doesn't get to the loo in time, sometimes he spills his drink at the dinner table. Ds constantly calls him an idiot, tells him he's ugly, tells him no one likes him. 10% of the time he is also very nice but mostly he's either tormenting dc2 or locks himself away. But yes, it is actually all this which is starting to really get me down. Ds is currently just taking and taking. Causes arguments over the smallest non-event. I always aim to include him in everything we do but do obviously also understand that he might not necessarily want to hang out with his mum and 2 much younger siblings.

I have recently been keeping a very close eye on ds in terms of making sure he's coming back to us if that makes any sense. My mum doesn't like him much, finds him very rude, which he definitely can be. However, I'd felt recently that things had been starting to improve ESP now exams out the way. Just don't know why I went so ballistic with him this evening

Poor you, it must be so hard parenting a teenager. Can I ask how the "really hating" DC2 manifests itself? It's hard to see how a 16 year old could "really hate" a three year old. That must be very tough on you.

Sorry, cross post. Sounds very tough on all of you. How does your husband handle it?

He's probably sitting sulking round the corner/in the park/at a friends.

He'll be back once he's hungry enough.

I could imagine not looking for a 16yo or going to bed. I remember being 16 all too well. Let him seethe. The more he knows you are worried, the more he'll relish in his seething.

Don't assume he'll come back when he's hungry! I ran away from home for 6 days at that age over a row with my stepdad.

He's obviously feeling a bit unloved, justly or not. You not going to look for him because you need to BF baby isn't going to convince him otherwise.

He is being a teenager, but if he thinks you feel you have done wrong by having DS2, he will play on it. So he's rude etc.

As I said, don't make him the prodigal son. Don't run to the door and greet him.

He'll get over himself and will soon become protective on DS2.

At least contact his father.

I think the worry for me would be that as OP says he does not hang out much with friends outside of school and he does not have a phone with which to contact any of them, this together with the lack of a coat in pouring rain would bother me a lot. They also had a big row, obviously there are issues at home what with his hatred of his small sibling and he had just done his GCSE's which would have stressed him out.

Did he actually deliberately take DP's dinner OP or did he think it was his?

Does he have a good relationship with his dad and step dad?

Not sure how relevant it is really: I'm not really convinced he would have gone to his dad's. he gets on with him fine when he sees him but he rarely returns his calls and when I ask him in calmer moments whether he's got any plans to see him he never has. I left his dad for DV when ds was a few weeks old. He's a bully and I'd like to keep him out of it for as long as possible

Also wanted to ask the same question as dropping

Did he know it wasn't his dinner? Or did he do it on purpose?

Does he knows his grandma doesn't like him much? He probably senses it too?

This is really sad. :( you asked what you could actually do and then have given a reason why not to do every suggestion.

Who cares what ds dad thinks of you, you need to ring him and let him know.

Do you know the number of any friends? Can you call them and ask them where he might be/to contact you ASAP if he turns up at theirs?

I honestly do think your DH needs to get out looking for him (if you don't drive) and you should phone 101 for advice. I would also phone his father too - your personal relationship or lack thereof is irrelevant under the circumstances.

Once he is home and has cooled down, you do need to address the various issues - including his treatment of DC2. It's cruel. He may have some very valid issues but they cannot manifest themselves in unacceptable behaviour towards another very young child