Oh fuck. Had a massive argument with ds. Said things I shouldn't. Now I don't know where he is

[snorkyorky]

It's pissing down. He doesn't have a coat or a phone. My husband has gone to look for him but he really could be anywhere. What do I actually do? He's 16. Just finished GCSEs

[MimiSunshine]

EmilyElephant kids don't necessarily need to have heard it anywhere. The first summer I was home from uni. My sibling told me similar, they were used to being the "only child" and resented my presence back home.

OP I think your son needs a purpose, he sounds bored and selfish in the way teenagers can be.
I'm guessing you are fully supporting him (as he's a child) well I suggest he gets a job and a) starts earning his own money and getting some responsibility but also b) mixes with older peers. At the minute he's the usurped baby of the family so it's time he stopped feeling sorry for himself, meeting older peers who will think that ridiculous will be good for him.

But I do think you need to look at his behaviour and how you're dealing with it. Is he punsished or told off, or do you focus n counteracting it with your DC2?
My parents took that route and then used to tell me not to rise to it, inevitably I would eventually blow up at the bullying and then they'd tell me off (or so it'd feel like) for rising to it as I "should have ignored it".

That approach breeds resentmenton all sides, so I can't say strongly enough that he should be reprimanded each and every time. If he has pocket money then dock it every time he bullies DC2 but reward every time he's caring or helpful.

[Canthisonebeused]

And op still makes this about how difficult things are for HER and how HE needs to tone it down. I do hope you didn't tell ds that things are so difficult because your period has stared.

[BOFster]

Oh wind your neck in- how likely do you think that really is? You are generally a perfectly normal-seeming poster, so why is it that this thread has made you lose sight of the point of mumsnet, i.e. acknowledging that this parenting lark is often difficult and that we could all do with a bit of support? AIBU is not a licence to release DEFCON Twat.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Quote of the week goes to BOF

Hope things improve OP.

My only advise would be to try and find some common ground with DS and some one on one with him, when you can. Even if it's only listening to how great he is at once a week or so.

[EmilyElephantTrumpets]

minisunshine I agree that kids don't have to have heard it anywhere- my point is that he is hearing it from OPs admission. Double standards that's all.

[Simplesusan]

I think you need to speak to your ds alone. He needs telling Ina very cal manner that he should be doing some house work.
Also when his siblings get older they will be expected to do it too.

Remind him that when he meets a partner he absolutely must respect and love them and one of the ways to show this is by pulling his weight around the house.

It is very difficult for you to have to pickup the slack all the time when his biological father is off the hook so to speak, take a deep breath, spend time with your da even if just to say what was your day like.

Don't let the younger dcs interrupt this time.

Show dcs you love him ,but he must respect you and not take any of you for granted.