To think that something's wrong if u can't afford breakfast for your children

[Blossum123]

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast - the school have started a breakfast club and the children attend for free . Which is good.
Iv been on benifits but how can you not afford breakfast - it's surely the cheapest and easiest meal ? I know some children won't have breakfast but this isn't the case - she claims she can't afford it - makes u wonder what they get for tea

What a load of old bollocks. I had to report to school once on behalf of a friend of my dd that was being abused by her parents. They didn't ask me anything like that. You're full of shit.

OP, surely you know by now that it is not acceptable to judge people for failing to complete seemingly simple tasks like spending a few pence on some porridge for her DCs breakfast. It is not always cheap and simple to do this, for a variety of reasons, as explained above.

If you do want to judge your neighbour, find out how clean her toilet is and report back on here. If it is anything less than spotless 24/7, you will find unanimous support.

It doesn't matter if she is poor and cannot afford an endless supply of bleach, wipes, disposable toilet brushes, rubber gloves and cloths. There Is No Excuse.

You know an awful lot about someone you've ever met.

This has more holes than a piece of emmental.

You aren't concerned about breakfast club but you are concerned she doesn't feed her dc at other times?
Why? You don't even know her.
Most likely because she doesn't exist , but if she does you are a judgmental stirrer!

Her title is Behaviour attendance and pastoral care .*Up there^you said it was the Headmistress!You are bullshitting really aren't you?

Yes just like in the opening post when she said .....

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast -

Then a few posts later said she didn't say this, the children ask for food. So she has never constantly said she can't afford breakfast to anyone, that sentence is completely made up!

Then you say she drinks then a few posts later said she occasionally drinks with friends in the garden and you have never seen her drunk in charge of the children.
You then ring school and informs them the woman drinks when asked about her drinking habits.

It's just complete BS and stirring. Congratulations op you just probably made this woman's life 10x harder than it is already based on hearsay and you and your judge friends bitching...

So the facts are

The children ask for food.
The teachers feed the children by brining them in food, how would you know this? If the school have told you this they are breaking he rules, If thy haven't told you its hearsay.

She argues with her boyfriend - could possibly be in a DV situation.

She doesn't speak to any of you apart from banging on doors and asking who's grassed her up? Good for her, who can blame her.

The children are dressed appropriately.

She occasionally drinks with friends in the garden but now you have rung the school and informed them of her drinking habits. You can hear her shouting - so what some people are louder than others. I can her the mother of 3 under 44s shouting at her kids 2 doors away.

It's all just hearsay and exaggerating. You have no proof she doesn't give or offer the kids breakfast other than what the kids have said. Why would she not feed the kids in the school hols, she's never told anyone she doesn't feed them, by your own admission she has never said this. You have jumped to massive conclusions because the kids attend breakfast club and have asked for food of a neighbour who is probably offering nice stuff whilst bitching about it.

Now this woman based on hearsay and made up exaggerated BS is probably going to have her life made even harder than it is already. Well done

There are some people who are struggling in ways most can't even imagine. Some families count themselves lucky atm if they have a weekly £5 food budget. When you have that little, it can absolutely be a case of needing your kids to go to breakfast club so that you can at least afford to give them a dinner in the evening.

Food banks are busy for a reason. Food banks are in place for people who can't afford anything - people whose cupboards are literally bare. The number of people becoming reliant on food banks is an utter disgrace - nobody should be going to bed on an empty stomach, not when they live in the likes of the UK.

Don't judge this woman for needing to send her children to a breakfast club. My guess is she'll already feel very embarrassed about needing to without judgement from others.

It's very easy to wonder why people cannot afford to feed their children when yours are tucked up in bed on full stomachs. You don't know what financial hardships people are suffering. If you're a friend with a pound or two to spare, maybe you could occasionally pop a bag with some value bread and a tin of beans round to her when you know she's having a tough week? A neighbour of mine used to do this with me when I was struggling a few years back, and vice verca. If we knew the other was having a tough week, we'd pop leftovers into one another's house or grab an extra loaf or something at the shop. We got each other through some seriously shitty times.

Speaking as a person who can very much relate to anybody who has gone hungry to feed their child, who has had to choose between heating and eating whilst shivering through a Scottish winter that saw -17 on the thermometer, and who reads the likes of Jack Monroe's blog thinking, "I could have written that myself a few years ago!" - I would encourage anybody who is of the opinion that "feeding a family is always doable" to try living off a £5 food budget for the week to see how you get on. And when you start quaffing down pints of tap water to stem the hunger pain you feel, maybe, just maybe, you will start to understand how some people are currently existing.

YABVU.

it is hard to know why someone cannot afford breakfast. perhaps they took on too much debt, like a lot of other people, when times were good, and now they can't afford the repayments. there has notbeen a lot of financial education about in recent years.

maybe they spent it on luxuries when times were good and did not save for a rainy day.

maybe they have been out of work so long that the savings and careful spending has not been adeequate to keep them going. After a while clothes, shoes, household goods, all need replacing. Even second hand stuff is not cheap.

Maybe she is shouting at the boyfriend as she is at the end of her tether, underfed and stressed at trying to make ends meet.

May be they have been sanctioned by the benefits office for something out of their control?

Things like porridge are cheap to buy, but then need cooking so there is the expense of fuel.

We are short of income and I have been trying to cut back on expenditure and it is amazing how some months the money haemorrhages out of the account. We are very fortunate though to have savings, and family that supports us, and are nowhere near as close to disaster as others. we are also lucky to be able to afford some luxuries.. like icecreams and parties for the children.

""Anyway. It didn't happen. And if it did I would be very wary of a school that felt to appropriate to ask questions of a random stranger about their pupils and their families.""

I don't fully believe the situation is as the soap says, or this wasn't a judging attacking thread.

If the children are under a CAF and the OP phoned, she would be questioned. You get questioned if you call Careline, they have to glean as much information as possible.

There wouldn't be a discussion, but there would be questioned to clarify what you have witnessed, so the OP would be asked about the arguments, if she has seen the woman drunk and witnessed the children unsupervised inappropriately.

Otherwise, you have nothing flag up.

You've done the right thing, OP as long as you only report what you know.

But as I said, stop judging the people who are accessing the help that is available, it's much better than burying your head in the sand thinking "kids muddle through".

And you're still ignoring the repeated requests to use quotation marks when you quote other posters.

They look like this, by the way: "

You put them at the beginning and end of the post you're wanting to quote.

Then it makes it easy for everyone to follow what you mean.

Not exactly the same situation as I was pregnant with no dc thankfully but I have been in a much worse situation and not used food banks simply for the fact I couldn't afford to get there and if I had walked it was well over 15 miles
There are unfortunately times when people have this happen and 75p for bananas or 30p for reduced bread simply couldn't be found even by counting pennies
This wasn't even for a week it agent from October through to February you can't always plan we didn't even qualify for help from the job centre after I scraped for peterol money to attend the meetings begged browsed and yes I even stole worst of all
Dp was still working and I didn't tell him I ate nothing all day till dinner all that time while pg we ate morrisons own brand ready meals at £1 a go each night I spent £15 a week feeding us like that and it still broke the bank
Your friend may need help there have been plenty of mystery people putting money through doors etc lately or buy an extra bag of spuds and pretend you have too many so need to pass them on
Please don't criticise about m

"Personally I think feeding ur children is more important than anything "

Tell that to Housing benefit, Council Tax and the Job Centre, apparently humans can live off grass.

The turn around on HB is at least six weeks at the moment and if you are already under a court order, you have to top up your rent.

I meet (mainly Mothers), daily, who have genuine reasons why they cannot prioritise food, so the need is identified for clubs and vouchers.

The way school and SS budgets are at the moment, all spending is looked at monthly, if it can't be justified it is stopped.

SS aren't making up the fall shorts of "bad parents", there has to be an identified reason why that family should be supported.

It's certainly cheaper than taking the children into Foster Care, anyway.

Please don't criticise about money management sometimes there just isn't any to manage
Posted too soon damn phone

I can well believe it. How judgemental of you.

For some people it is a choice between breakfast and paying the heating bill. For a LOT of people, every day life is tough. There is nothing wrong with your 'friend' but there is something very wrong with the system. It's a disgrace.

It would be utter bollocks, which is why I didn't say that.

Everyone who tries hard enough can feed their children breakfast. When I was struggling with food bills I fed them before anything, if that meant going hungry myself, so be it. It comes before the heating bill, before the council tax, before the rent. All of those things can be sorted out, even if it means ending up in emergency shelter.
If your children are going hungry, you're fucking it up, end of story. Sure there are lots of reasons, but none of them are good enough excuses. I'd steal food before letting them go hungry.
This place is full of apologists that will ramble on and on about how its not their fault, but only the most idiotic actually believe that.

But Grockle, her kids are getting breakfast, at breakfast club, which the school offered to her.

No-one knows that she wouldn't feed them otherwise.

Such good advice. Stealing and not paying rent.

So you end up potentially homeless and with a record.

Just use a breakfast club I'd say.

If I decided to report every family whose child turns up here looking for snacks/food, SS would need to set up residence in our area.

Dd1 and co are constantly in and out for nutella on toast, ice pops and doritos.

Dd2's 2 new friends keep staring into my fridge in awe at all the yoghurts/fruit. They express surprise every time dd2 offers them a yoghurt or apple without asking me first.

Dd2's other friend turns up at around tea time at least 3 or 4 times a week.

I don't assume that all of these children don't get fed at home. I just assume that they don't get fed nutella, ice pops and doritos or that mum can afford main meals but snacks are rationed or that they know there is usually dessert of some kind and if they're here they'll be offered some.

Some of these kids may or may not go to breakfast club, that's none of my business. As long as they look clean and happy and not malnourished, I don't automatically decide they are neglected because they want to eat crisps or sandwhiches.

How old are dd2s friends doin?

I have a 9 and 6 year old and they aren't allowed to help themselves to anything from the cupboards or fridge or make themselves any snacks including fruit. They can drink water but that's it.
Not because of money problems just because I've always done that since they were small.
They would be thrilled to be offered whatever they likes at someone else's house - I'd probably be reported by op too!
I don't let them go inside the neighbours houses alone partly for that reason. They know that their mum likes to feed people and they take advantage if it am make me look bad.

One of them is the year above dd2, so she'll be 8 or 9, the other one looks around 11. They are brother and sister. They've only just started playing with dd2, although I strongly suspect that the brother is more interested in our X-box and the contents of our crisp cupboard than he is in playing My Little Ponies with dd2 and his little sister

The one who turns up for dessert a couple of times a week is 7.

I spoke to the head mistress at first as that is who I asked to speak to - she then passed me on to the pastoral care lady .

The lady who rung back this aft - I'm
Not sure who she is but she . I just told her the same as I t

Told the school .u may think it's bull shit and I'm exaggerating but I know iv done the right thing .

Why hasn't your friend ever reported her OP ?

Why hasn't your friend ever reported her OP ?

Because she is scared of her i think -

Oh right. Isnt the woman going to know youve reported her then ?

So you've now spoken to 3 people? The headmistress, the pastoral care woman and someone who called you back this afternoon?