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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that something's wrong if u can't afford breakfast for your children

260 replies

Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 21:51

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast - the school have started a breakfast club and the children attend for free . Which is good.
Iv been on benifits but how can you not afford breakfast - it's surely the cheapest and easiest meal ? I know some children won't have breakfast but this isn't the case - she claims she can't afford it - makes u wonder what they get for tea

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 26/06/2014 09:58

The school really asked those questions? Hmm

TheFairyCaravan · 26/06/2014 10:14

You see, or don't see, this woman once a week and you've reported her on such a small snap shot of her life? Shock

You know secondhand gossip about her from your friend, which quite well could be exaggerated and you've just stirred up a massive hornets nest!

Well done, OP, well done! Hmm

TantrumsAndBalloons · 26/06/2014 10:18

I don't believe for one second that the school asked you those questions.

ReputableBiscuit · 26/06/2014 10:23

It's all made up, isn't it, OP?

Birdsgottafly · 26/06/2014 10:29

" . A lady who co ordinate things is ringing me latter - unsure why tbh if they are already aware ."

Then they were already under a CAF and would of had Fanily Support involvement which will happen outside of school.

Good on the Mother accepting the help she needs, because that is what she is doing by sending the children to Breakfast Club.

She needs to stop being judged by the neighbours, this is what services are for.

NinjaLeprechaun · 26/06/2014 10:33

I'm horrified, frankly, that if the school was willing to discuss any student with a complete stranger.

I'm in the US, and the free lunch systems are different (obviously) but most schools here offer free lunches to any child under 18, M-F throughout all school breaks. It seems indecent not to, really.

As for those people who don't believe that it's possible not to afford breakfast and claiming that it must be because of drugs or drink, I've had times when my income was less than my rent and the waiting lists I was on for assistance were years long. I was honestly better off financially after we became homeless.
Missing meals to feed your child, and still not being able to give them enough to fill them up, is not an enjoyable experience.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 26/06/2014 10:36

Bull.

Shit.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 26/06/2014 10:39

Oh fgs she drinks in the garden sometimes and now you have told the school for drinks. Thank god your not my neighbour.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/06/2014 10:43

Major drip feeding

You sound more judgemental than concerned tbh

With regards to the breakfast, well if she's a waster who can't be arsed and spends money on fags and booze and let's school feed her kids then of course that's wrong.

If on the other hand she's in a right mess and this is the only way for her children to get fed properly then of course she should take it!!! Who wouldn't

But be damn sure you know what's going on before gossiping.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 26/06/2014 10:45

Children who go to breakfast club because there are issues with food/chaotic lives will most likely be paid to go to holiday club in the holidays, I know a family who has this paid as the mum has depression and can't get the children to school on time- the LA even pay for a taxi to take them there but they are always late for the taxi.

Some people do massively struggle to put into place basic things- food, on time to school, I would be very surprised if the school/SS weren't aware of issues with the family given what they have put in place.

My worry is that you are reporting hearsay and not what you have witnessed. I also don't think the school would discuss a pupil with you, but would write down what you said and pass it on.

Preciousbane · 26/06/2014 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambambini · 26/06/2014 10:53

If the school is feeding them breakfast and lunch and the mum seems to be struggling to afford to feed them, then surely it is a concern about how she is going to feed them extra meals during the holidays when she normally doesn't have to pay or budget for this.

Birdsgottafly · 26/06/2014 10:56

I agree re not reporting what is hearsay, or assumed.

Now all your neighbour needs to do is to stop having the children in her house for a good gossip mongering and report any out of control aggression.

Advice the neighbours, who all apparently sat in their homes whilst the Mother ran up and down the street "banging on doors", to do the same.

FWIW, most families that I have ever worked with, have been at crisis point because of undiagnosed, or neglected ( by services) MH conditions, it's only when they have children anyone gives a shit to intervene.

If the children have similar conditions, they are modtly ignored post 16, until they turn up under the CP system with their children.

HaroldLloyd · 26/06/2014 10:59

She's probably just going to have picnics with people who are normally to scared to talk to her and never see her.

Problem solved.

Original poster
Blossum123 · 26/06/2014 11:10

The school told me v little anf just said they are aware. The woman u spoke to mainly asked me questions - it's irrelevant if u believe it or not , or if u think I should of kept my nose out . Iv done what I thinks for the best and as fAr as I'm concerned that's it .

Thankyou to whoever it was who suggested contacting the school - seems more middle ground than ringing ss

OP posts:
D0oinMeCleanin · 26/06/2014 11:14

But what precisely did you report to the school? You seem to know nothing but second d hand gossip about this woman.

I assume the school already knew the children went to breakfast club. The rest is all assumptions and gossip.

Original poster
Blossum123 · 26/06/2014 11:19

If I was been nasty or making it up I would be saying she was drunk all the time , kids in rags.i think iv given a fair picture to the school .any concern is a assumption till it's proven .the school can decide for themselves

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 26/06/2014 11:21

Oh do come on, who exactly did you speak to at the school that asked you all these questions ?

Original poster
Blossum123 · 26/06/2014 11:24

My concern wasn't they attend breakfast club - it was that mother didn't appear to prioritise food so what would happen in the hols. These children were also fed by their teachers for sometime . Yes there clothes are perfectly adequate .
Personally I think feeding ur children is more important than anything . I wouldn't be drinking using my phone or have decent clothes myself if my kids needed feeding .

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 26/06/2014 11:26

The school would not, and never would, say they were aware of any child's situation at home to a complete stranger on the phone!

Original poster
Blossum123 · 26/06/2014 11:27

Oh do come on, who exactly did you speak to at the school that asked you all these questions ?

Her title is Behaviour attendance and pastoral care .

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossum123 · 26/06/2014 11:29

The school would not, and never would, say they were aware of any child's situation at home to a complete stranger on the phone!

It's really irrelevant if u believe that or not - I don't think she disclosed anything she mainly asked questions about the family and how I knew them

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 26/06/2014 11:30

*Oh do come on, who exactly did you speak to at the school that asked you all these questions ?

Her title is Behaviour attendance and pastoral care .*

Up there ^ you said it was the Headmistress!

You are bullshitting really aren't you?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 26/06/2014 11:31

I thought you said it was the headmistress?

Anyway. It didn't happen. And if it did I would be very wary of a school that felt to appropriate to ask questions of a random stranger about their pupils and their families.

That right there is a safeguarding issue. How can she discuss another family with you? And mention the mothers drinking?

differentnameforthis · 26/06/2014 11:51

You have reported them on the basis of your friend's words, you have no real idea if what she says is true, or exaggerated.

Your friend should be the one calling really.

They wouldn't even say that they were "aware of the situation", because that is suggesting there IS a situation, to you, a stranger which they aren't allowed to do.