To think that something's wrong if u can't afford breakfast for your children

[Blossum123]

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast - the school have started a breakfast club and the children attend for free . Which is good.
Iv been on benifits but how can you not afford breakfast - it's surely the cheapest and easiest meal ? I know some children won't have breakfast but this isn't the case - she claims she can't afford it - makes u wonder what they get for tea

[ILoveCoreyHaim]

Just read all your posts back. You haven't even talked to the mother but are on about emailing S's and ringing the school. The reason is because the kids have told you their mother can't afford breakfast.

In your opening post you say

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast

Then you replied to another poster

EatShitDerek Wed 25-Jun-14 22:44:58So this friends neighbour happens to tell you she cant afford to feed her children?She seems very open

No she isn't at all - it's her children who have told us

Sso what is it? Has she told you she has no money to feed them or have the kids told you and your opening post is
exaggerated wrong ?

[MadameDefarge]

Funnily enough, I can stand militant like, with butter-laden toast and bowls of cereal while offering scrambled eggs to ds on his way out the door, but he refuses.

Full School meal.

Different story when he comes home. Snacks. sandwiches. More Snacks. Dinner. snacks. dinner no 2 if he can sort it out for himself. More snacks. About 2 litres of milk a day.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

My child told everyone we so poor last year, she could only have vegetables from the garden and seeds from the birds cage.

We have no garden. We have no birds.

We did have vegetables and seeds. From the grocers up t'road. She was unimpressed with our new eating plan.

[Hakky]

I can believe she can't afford breakfast, my DSis is a social worker in a deprived area you really wouldn't believe how many people have so little money to get by on. I'm in a relatively priveledged position but I am shocked by the rising cost of my supermarket shop.

[Hakky]

I can believe she can't afford breakfast, my DSis is a social worker in a deprived area you really wouldn't believe how many people have so little money to get by on. I'm in a relatively priveledged position but I am shocked by the rising cost of my supermarket shop.

[MadameDefarge]

Its fucking hard to feed your family when in dire straits.

Where is the sympathy. the empathy? where is the sense of community?

A mum is struggling. she confides in a neighbour. what does that neighbour do? judge her as a shit mother, and goes onto MN to garner support.

[Hakky]

I've got a friend who uses breakfast club at school sometimes, on those mornings her kids have two breakfasts, could this be the case? I wouldn't judge someone whose kids go to breakfast club, if they eat 1/2/3 breakfasts does it matter? Any dietary intake is better than nothing

[Hubbubs]

Before you dare to judge her in public (online), walk a mile in her shoes.

I was once so poor I had to steal loo roll from customer toilets in shops. My children were on value dried dog food for breakfast back then (ok, ok, not really, but that's what own brand value cereals smelt like ) as that was all I could afford, but it free'd up money for a good dinner and pudding later after achool.

To be eligible for free breakfast club she will have been financially means-tested, so her situation must be quite distressing.
Presumably she is aware of free school meals.


I send a random Tesco Fairy out to people I know sometimes, just little basics and treats (which aren't delivered anonymously unfortunately as that would be ideal) just because it reminds me that 'there but for the grace of god' (insert own deity) go I..

[flyingspaghettimonster]

This seems so judgmental. My kids have free school breakfasts and lunches and it is a big relief as we struggle to afford these things on my husband's PHD teaching assistant wages. We are in the States and as British citizens we don't qualify for any assistance or welfare except the school meals.

This summer our situation is even worse than usual - no income at all for three months. They didn't have a position for him over summer and we aren't allowed to work on our visas. My kids got into a summer enrichment program for poor kids that feeds them two meals a dY and it is a huge relief because even though I am doing all I can to make a bit of money selling on etsy/eBay, we are absolutely broke right now.

So ican sympathise with the mother you are talking about. Bread is $2 here and milk $7 a gallon. Even pbjs cost money I can I'll afford just now. Luckily we have family who could help if we needed, but some people do t have that opportunity and for them just 30p or whatever you suggest up there is a struggle.

[SoonToBeSix]

Venture income support for pre schoolers and job seekers for over fives are exactly the same amount of money . Also parents of pre schoolers don't get free school meals so your post doesn't make sense.
They would receive approximately £100 a week in child tax credits on top of child benefit and job seekers.
However there may be bedroom tax or debt.
Op please don't judge others , just be grateful for what You have.

[differentnameforthis]

I agree with LEMmingaround in that if my neighbours were close enough (friendship wise) that I had their kids over for meals/to play, I'd be helping her out, not giving her a beating online.

If she wouldn't take my help, I would do it anonymously.

I have served people (I volunteer in a food bank) who haven't eaten for a couple of days, so their kids could eat. We gave one lady food & made her eat it right there, she was on the verge of collapse.

I am pleased that you have no idea what it is like to be struggling THAT much that you cannot afford to give your kids 3 meals a day.

Let's hope it stays like that, shall we, op?

[CheerfulYank]

What ouryve said. So many factors at work here.

And you can only use the food banks three times in the UK?

[differentnameforthis]

I would sooner go without food myself than make my children miss breakfast. I believe that most mothers would be prepared to skip meals so their kids could eat breakfast.

And how do you know that she isn't doing just that, reallytired? And seriously, how many meals can a parent skip before they become of no use to their kids? She owes it to her children to make sure she is able to function, surely? She has a right to eat as much as anyone.

There are very few people who genuinely have no money, and there are places they can go for help. And they are where, exactly? We give a client 3 visits a year. They can have around 12 items.

What do they do after that?

If I was in that situation I would contact a food bank Food banks don't give you a weekly shop each week. They give you limited items a few times per year, so what would you do the rest of the time, op? What would you do when the food bank tell you that you have used ALL your visits for the year?

You can buy a loaf for 50p I can make many breakfasts with that Just dry bread? Or do you have butter/marg? Perhaps some marmite/jam? How about the fiver for the electric so you can perhaps toast it?

Bread is NOTHING on it's own. Yes, it can be eaten dry as it is, but who would?

And porridge oats, again nothing on their own. They need milk, heat of some kind. Not being able to afford breakfast isn't just because you can't afford FOOD, you need stuff to go with it. Cheap coco pops need milk. Bread needs marg.

[OrangeOwl]

Yes I agree with hesterton it could be for the social support. Also it could be because that, for whatever reason, the children won't eat breakfast at home. Saying that they can't afford it could be what is said to people who are questioning why they are getting breakfast club for free, or it could be what the children have been told by their Mum.

OP, do not ring the school. They will already be aware of their reasoning behind giving the children free breakfast and most probably only the staff directly involved will know the reasons why. Its not something for discussion. Be thankful that these children are getting time to sit and have a breakfast, giving them a good start to their school day.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Do you know what Op?

I am thrilled for you that you cannot understand why someone wouldn't be able to afford breakfast for their Dcs.

You truly must have led a charmed life to be unable to comprehend how a person could be struggling so much financially, if you cannot understand that people can be in a situation where they have a choice between buying an adequate evening meal for the family or buying a kilo of oats.
Or knowing that, yes, they can buy the kilo of oats but they are on the emergency for the gas meter and cooking might mean that there's no hot water for the children to get ready for school. Or the electrics about to go out so if they top up the electric, they haven't got enough to buy bread, butter, bananas and an evening meal.

I sincery hope if you ever find yourself in a desperate situation, and have to make use of resources that exist for that very reason that you do not come across people like yourself. But you come across the very lovely people on this thread that have enough humanity to understand that although you might be trying your best, sometimes it isn't enough. And you need a little bit of help without feeling like the world is judging you for that.

And before you sit there thinking, oh no that will never happen to me? It's amazing how easily your life can change.

School breakfast clubs, FSM, food banks. All a reality and for some people a fucking life saver.

[Blossum123]

Hesterton
I wish she was more approachable - most of the neighbours are frightened of her .she has had a lot of complaints about her and her boyfriend fighting - she then went banging on doors demanding to know who had told on her .
I am pleased and think it's right for children to have the breakfast clubs - as iv said her kids where always round at my friends asking to play and then for food b4 school on a weekend.my friend did help but when they are comming round at 7 pm it's to much . My friend has helped but she is on income support or what ever it is now . When iv gone round and taken a pic nic iv deliberately packed extra as know they will be there .
It is the summer holidays that concern me .
A lot of people have said I shouldn't ring the school .if the school know what's going on and have no concerns what's the harm ?

[chilephilly]

While you're all cooking your porridge and making your toast - you need electricity or gas for that. Which means money. Which she probably doesn't have.

Well done to her for the kids going to breakfast club - there they have breakfast (obvs), but they also get to chat to their mates, get a space to do their homework, have access to people they can talk to about all the crap that is going on in their lives (those people will refer to SS if they think it's necessary) and generally have some time out from the chaos that is their home life. She is doing the right thing. Go her.

[Blossum123]

My friend hasn't reported her to ss despite knowing that the mum is often in bed and not supervising them for days on end because she is frightened of the woman.
We do try to help the kids but I only visit once a week and my friend has 4 children of her own to feed.

[Blossum123]

The children were fed by the teachers for some time - the children told us as loved the food one teacher brought in .

It seems it's the school that have suggested the breakfast club rather than mum looking for help .
That's why it seems she isn't bothered - and I'm concerned about the summer hols

[Blossum123]

Should say hours not days!!!

[Hakluyt]

"You are right that something is wrong when people can not afford to feed their children breakfast, but that "something" is not wrong with your friend. It is wrong with the Government who have not raised benefits or wages in line with the cost of living and who have slapped on the Bedroom Tax, which your friend might be affected by, so their small amount of money that was left at the end of the week for food has got a lot smaller!

It is bloody shocking and disgraceful that in 2014, in the 7th richest country in the world there are people using food banks and not able to afford to feed their kids breakfast

This. And this again.

[daisychain01]

Could you leave a few boxes of cereal and milk on her doorstep anonymously in a carrier bag (overnight). Its practical and immediate during the school holidays.

[daisychain01]

Longlife milk and some fresh milk from time to time