To think that something's wrong if u can't afford breakfast for your children

[Blossum123]

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast - the school have started a breakfast club and the children attend for free . Which is good.
Iv been on benifits but how can you not afford breakfast - it's surely the cheapest and easiest meal ? I know some children won't have breakfast but this isn't the case - she claims she can't afford it - makes u wonder what they get for tea

Oh so now she isn't supervising them either (drip feed)

OP, if she is as bad as your friends says, then why is she hesitating to do anything? Being scared of her is a cop out answer, if her kids are in some kind of trouble that she is negligent your friend owes it to them to report.

But again it's that thing isn't it...

Most people are happy to gossip about people & their problems, but no one ever wants to do a bloody thing about it.

In the end that children are the ones that suffer.

I think the OP is being unfairly criticized.

We know:
*the school suggested bfast club
*the mother has issues with aggression (alcohol/substance abuse?) Or perhaps is a victim of DV or lack of familial support
*her dp sounds unsupportive
*the dc often hover around the neighbours for food
*the teachers bring in food for the dc

However, I'm struggling to believe the OP has never seen this woman. You say she lays in bed for days? So any unknown medical condition aside, she could either be recovering from a hangover or coming down from drugs.

I have a neighbour who can afford to smoke & get new tattoos all the time, but I hear her shouting to her kids, she can't buy cereal until thurs/fri & so on.

Does no one think maybe, just maybe some parents prioritise themselves over their children's basic needs? You would be naive to believe this sort of selfishness/indifference does not exist.

Dh & bil never had a heater in their shared room growing up, but his mother used an electric blanket on her bed! She could afford to drink like a fish & smoke like chimney, but not see to some of her children's most basic needs - both physical & emotional.

Breakfast club is wrap around care.. For parents who work earlier than school drop out...

Mine go there.. For £3 a day each... They could have breakfast at home but as I'm paying they may as well have it there and save me a couple of quid.

Op if your worries speak to the school.

If you don't want to approach social services (but in all honesty if the kids are under fed and left to their own devices whilst the parent/s lie in bed, I would) you could have a word with your own health visitor and seek advice.

I'm going to guess her that the friend is feeding the kids nice food (better than at home) so the kids go round and ask for it. My friends kid says to me all the time when she sees my daughter eating a peach or something xxx I'm hungry I haven't had anything to eat. So I give her a peach then tell her mam (a very good friend) xxx has been strafing peaches coz you haven't fed her apparently and she will say eee she's had xxx and I will say xxx you told me you hadn't eaten and she will just look and go bye I'm playing out.

It's sounds very much to me that he his woman leads a very different life to you and your friends who seem to be ringing people up about her. I would be sick as a chip struggling, fighting with BF then having people questioning me all the time. I would have done the same, banged on doors. I did when someone reported my dog for barking, turns out it was the new neighbour who's dog was making my dog bark by barking it's head off, previously it's rarely barked. Council got the addresses mixed up and sent a letter telling her what they were going to do about me to me.

I think you are getting an unreasonable hard time op. You are rightly concerned

Some sterling drip feeding going on here.

Initially it was just a comment about breakfasts now she is lying abed and neglecting them.

Makes me wonder why you didn't see fit to mention that a bit sooner.

She sounds like a scrounger.

She sounds fictional.

Nobody is so poor they can't feed their children a basic breakfast. But many children don't get any.
Its generally because their parents are too addicted, neglectful, abusive or basically too selfish to spend the time and money to give them any. They will usually find money for smokes, drink and or drugs though.

Hello grockle, what took you so long?

It's utter bollocks to say that nobody struggles with food bills unless they are buying fags booze or drugs.

""The children were fed by the teachers for some time - the children told us as loved the food one teacher brought in .
It seems it's the school that have suggested the breakfast club rather than mum looking for help . ""

I don't think that what the OP thinks is happening is.

Many do not realise that schools can implement upto a Levrl 2 CAF, or be heavily involved with a full CP plan, it sounds to me that's what is happening. In light of the death of D Pelka, no child is going to be left without family support over the school holidays.

"My friend tries to help the children"

No you don't, otherwise you would be reporting the neglect (if it's happening). Children in families that are very dysfunctional/chaotic learn how to lie and manipulate, it takes very careful questioning to find out what is actually happening.

It sounds as though this family is in the "system", but the OP does come across as being judgmental about this.

It also sounds as though the neighbours are enjoying the curtain twitching, whilst not doing what they can (report, phone the police), to make life better for this woman and her children.

I have rung school - they seemed to be aware of the situation. As they called in . However they had endless questions about her boyfriend , their raging and how often the children were unsupervised . A lady who co ordinate things is ringing me latter - unsure why tbh if they are already aware .
Felt slightly uncomfortable at the head mistress repeatedly asking if I saw her in drink - I sAid id seen her drink but not paralytic but she kept asking . Anyway it's hopefully already sorted and they will get help over the hols

I don't know if you've done the right thing or not. I'm not sure if the help you are thinking they'll get is the type of help they'll actually get. If there are concerns about alcohol abuse, then it'll be social services stepping in rather than someone handing them a bit of extra cash.

I understand why you've done it though

You've never spoken to her directly, nor really seen her.

So maybe your not the best person for the school to speak to with regards her drinking habits.

Wait. What did I miss? Last night the children were well dressed, clean but hungry (some children are bottomless pits) now they are unsupervised, neglected and mum stays in bed for days on end in a drunken stupor. Which begs the question, who washes the children and their clothes?

I often have various children at my house claiming to have not been fed. I assume it's because if I'm feeling flush I stock up the snack cupboard with bargain sweets and crisps rather than that they are actually not being fed at home.

I am confused: I thought you had never really seen the mum?

I haven't seen her very often but u can hear her through my friends wall '!when I have seem her she's been walking past the house
They do seem Appropriately dressed hence the reason I was unsure what to do .

Have you ever seen her drunk? With the kids? I think it's good of you to look out for them OP. if there's no problem then it will be dropped

You've never spoken to her directly, nor really seen her.

So maybe your not the best person for the school to speak to with regards her drinking habits.

But what if everyone thought oh I won't bother ? I have to live with my decision - I would never forgive myself if something horrible had been happening and I left it - anyway iv told the school - don't see how I can do any more

Have you ever seen her drunk? With the kids? I think it's good of you to look out for them OP. if there's no problem then it will be dropped

Iv seen them all in the garden drinking but not particularly drunk - u usually hear them through the wall tho !
She isn't with the kids v often

You have a point OP. It's happened before. Will she know it's you? If she's violent, could be a bit scary

Loads of people have a drink in the garden when the sun is out. It doesn't mean they are raging alcoholics ffs.

I'm glad you are not my neighbour.