Party uninvite

[BatterseaGirl]

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

Someone who invites an eight year old to a super duper exciting day out / party and then uninvites the eight year old is a bitch. She just is.

This.

OP phone nice mum and speak to her. AFAIC the other mum does not have the right to rescind your dd's invitation as she wasn't the one who invited her. If she wants to rescind someone's invitation is should be one that she invited.

Is there any possibility of nasty mum ringing nice mum and asking her if she could use one of her places for your DD?

Is it possible that nasty mum asked nice mum to send you that message?

i have to laugh at a nice mum who would never be so mean calling a girl of 8 a spoilt bitch

No I was referring to the idea of an 8 year old being modelled this behaviours not the actual 8 year old as there is no evidence to suggest the uninvite has come from her.

It maybe the mother who is streering things or indulging this mean behaviours. Its bad form, you dont treat people like that and the mother should be teaching her as such.

Sending a "reply all" message asking for clarity before disappointing your dd gives nice mum a chance to call mean mum and ask what she is doing. (Esp if what mean mum is doing is uninviting all nice mum's dd's friends and filling limited space party with her own dd's friends, yet still expecting nice mum to pay half).

Huh? Talk about creating a drama.

And tinker--phoning the "nicer" one to "clarify"? Again with the drama.

She's been disinvited. What's to clarify?

Move on. Make other fun plans for the day.

What shitty behaviour.mid just speak directly to nice Mum tbh.

Could you offer to pay for your DD? She should if she has any decency refuse to accept it but re invite your DD. maybe she doesn't have any though.

brokenhearted the uninviting of an eight year old has happened in the real world.

The calling someone a bitch has happened on an Internet forum. Very different things.

But the other mum has just said she is happy her dd has accepted so she still apparently thinks she is going, hence the confusion.

Otherwise I would totally ignore it and just put the woman on my mental black list.

Totally not the child's fault, er to calling her a spoilt bitch.

This reminds me of some idiotic parents at DS' school who organised for the girls invited to the party to be collected in a flipping pink limousine from school.
DS said that the only girl from the group who was not invited spent all the day crying in the classroom.

The bastards! (And I don't even have girls!)

It isn't creating drama. If I were nicemum, co-hosting with bitchmum, I'd want to know about this. Otherwise she'll never know why dd couldn't come and that her child's party was the source of so much unpleasantness.

Asking for clarification when one is saying uninvited and the other is saying, "glad you can come" is hardly unreasonable.

so who is the spoilt little bitch

matildasquared the OP's dd has been uninvited by the other mum. Nice mum, who actually invited her, seems to be under the impression that she's still invited.

I do MaryWestmacott e-mail suggestion.

It lets everyone know what is going on - including other parents who might be next - and indicates that there will be unnecessary upset of OP 8 year old without being OTT dramatic if the uninvited holds.

TBH - I don't see how you can do this twice - once I would be mortified and I'd suck it up and work round any problems but twice in a few years seems more than odd.

She's been uninvited by one mum but her acceptance was clarified by the other. It is unclear whether mum 2 is even aware of the uninvite

Weird way to arrange a party but I'm guessing mum 2 doesn't know what mum 1 is up to

Sense of perspective needed broken hearted. This is MN frothing a bit, as per.

The OP has not called the offending mum a bitch, and that's what matters here. Her expression has been measured and reasonable.

You appear to regard your shit childhood as a valid measure to gauge the scale of other people's disappointments. A bit like dragging the starving in Africa as a corrective to a faddy eating post. Entirely beside the point.

matildasquared

But has she been uninvitd. It is very unclear.

mum 1: invites the dd
op: accepts invite
mum 2: uninvites the dd
mum 1: thanks op for reply and says she is pleased dd can come

...

so mum 1 is saying she is invited and has acknowledged the acceptance positively

and mum 2 has acknowledged the acceptance and uninvited op's dd

...

so which one stands?

Matilda, did you miss the bit that the "glad your dd is coming" email from nice mum arrived after the uninvited text from mean mum? So the replying to clarify or calling to clarify is because the order is: ops dd invited, accepts, is told she's no longer invited by one of the mums, is sent an email referring to ops dd as attending by the other, just checking she's not expected before upsetting dd makes sense, particularly if "mean mum" has form in not being organised with tracking invites and numbers attending parties.

Yeah broken I think your right.

Actually not a bad lesson there, not going along with people that are pissing you about.

Blimey. The OPs daughter should suck it up as part of learning to deal with life's disappointments, should she? Disappointment in my eyes would be a party getting cancelled due to host child's illness or some other unforeseen circumstance. No child should ever be taught that it's fine to treat others in the same way as Uninviting Mum had done. And no child should be taught that if it someone DOES treat them in a bad-mannered and shoddy way, then they should just lie down and take it.

There is no reason why there should be any more communication between you and the Uninviting Mum, OP. If the invitation came from the other mum then that's who you communicate with. No need for any hysterics in your reply - this would suffice: "Can you perhaps have a word with Uninviting Mum - she seems to have the impression that my daughter isn't invited despite my having confirmed her acceptance with you."

If one of them has disinvited her then she's not invited! Why should the OP waste time trying to straighten it all out? I wouldn't.

Okay, yeah, a brief response email to the "Glad-You're-Coming" Mum, not to "clarify," just to say, "Oh right, got text to say DD can't come after all. Thanks all the same. Have fun!"

And then move on.