Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I can't take my baby to a wedding but someone else can...

438 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 16/06/2014 23:56

One of my DH's good friends is getting married in 2 months time. When they handed out their invites they said children are welcome to be at the church ceremony but are unable to attend the meal and the evening reception.

That's fine, I have absolutely no problem with child-free weddings.

I have a baby that I EBF so I text the bride and declined the invite and said it because I couldn't leave DS. DS will have just turned 5 months at the time of the wedding. I didn't get a reply from her.

My DH is felt quite aggrieved as he wasn't comfortable with the fact that me and DS couldn't go seeing as DS will not need a seat or food so won't be affecting their guest numbers or cost. But anyway, like I said, I have no problem if the B&G choose child free weddings.

However, it has now transpired another couple who have a baby are being allowed to take theirs because "he will only be 3 months old".

Hmm

Since learning this my DH has spoken to the Groom who has said he will speak to the bride. The Groom said of course he wanted me to be at the wedding but apparently the bride had said she didn't want babies/children present as she didn't want food being thrown around the room?!

Do 5 month old babies do that?
(DS is my first so I have no experience of a baby's fine dining etiquette).

He also said she probably wasn't aware I'd still be BF.

It's been five days now since my DH spoke to his friend and we still haven't heard anything back do I'm guessing the bride said no and we are still not welcome.

I don't know how I feel about it all now - surely if she is banning babies it should apply to all babies? I think it's a bit unfair that I'm being turned away but another mother and her baby aren't.

(Incidentally the other baby is being formula fed so can technically be away from her parents.)

I'm happy to be told I'm BU - I just think it's a bit harsh that my baby isn't welcome but someone else's is....

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 17/06/2014 18:21

itsbetter and MrsVenus the couple are not being petty. Why on earth do parents think their children must be involved in everything.

Horribly egocentric.

LittlePeaPod · 17/06/2014 18:25

Only on MN would someone think a child free wedding is wrong... Hmm

HaroldLloyd · 17/06/2014 18:26

If you love someone you should love their children? You what?

I chose to have children and I don't expect that to mean my friend should have them at their weddings.

XiCi · 17/06/2014 18:32

Do some people expect their kids to be invited everywhere with them then - 18ths, 40ths, office parties? I don't understand why an invite to a special occasion would extend to all of your friends offspring. I've just never known this to happen or be an issue. Surely most people maintain adult friendships without involving their children.

Coconutty · 17/06/2014 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Igggi · 17/06/2014 18:45

Wedding not like an office party, usually an all-day affair and often involves travel. Which is why babies become an issue.

I had a child free wedding: one couple who would have had a newborn were invited to bring the baby however, but in the end she didn't attend.

LittlePeaPod · 17/06/2014 18:50

Wedding not like an office party, usually an all-day affair and often involves travel. Which is why babies become an issue.

If you can't sort childcare then don't go but don't expect B&G to change their wedding plans just so it suits you. That's really expectant and very selfish.

Igggi · 17/06/2014 18:53

She's not going. She's not expecting them to change. She's just wondering why they applies a different criteria to another baby.
Confused

LittlePeaPod · 17/06/2014 18:57

But Op has already said her DH has basically asked them to change plans so their dc can go or did I miss read something?

My note was actually responding to your all day event post. I was basically saying it doesn't matter if its an office party, all day even, wedding or whatever if you DC is not invited they are not invited and people should not expect the hosts to change their plans just to suit their own needs. Even if another child is!

Igggi · 17/06/2014 19:04

Ah well I am not including what the OP's dh does in my calculations, he hasn't posted. I quite agree they can ask whoever they want, but the upshot of that may be not having some people at your wedding who you presumably wanted to come. And having those people wonder why someone else's baby is welcome but theirs isn't. It's the inconsistency that grates I imagine.

ThursdayLast · 17/06/2014 19:16

I did leave my 6mo EBF DS to go to the wedding of a friend. Two days in a row!

Totally doable if you want. But you dont want. That's the crux of it.
So the other couple is irrelevant really.

LittlePeaPod · 17/06/2014 19:25

I think anyone that has a child free event is fully aware some people won't make it because of childcare. The people that don't come don't have to wonder about anything. It's simple their children are not invited so they can't go.

I also agree with Thursday. I have a 5 and a half month old. It's totally doable. It's a mater of wanting to.

Writerwannabe83 · 17/06/2014 19:33

I think the thing that is irking me a little is that part of me thinks the bride is pissed off because I'm not going to her Hen Do or the Reception. It didn't go down too well when I declined the Hen Do because of DS so I guess she's probably not impressed I have declined the wedding because of DS too. As another poster said, if people host child free weddings they should accept that it means some people just can't attend.

She's probably not too fussed about me being there or not because in her eyes I'm not making the effort to go on the Hen Do whereas the other woman is.

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 17/06/2014 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnnyBarthes · 17/06/2014 19:44

Phaedra, I might have been lucky (although my antenatal friends found the same) but once ds got into the swing of actual food, it was perfectly possible to leave my previously ebf baby with some grub and a bottle (which was barely touched). And a grown up of course (he was bright enough, but struggled to cut an avocado let alone cook his own scrambled eggs at 6 months Grin )

Tbh most of my friends managed to mix feed way before that point, but either out of preciousness on my part or stubbornness on ds's the child would only ever eat food or bf Hmm

ThursdayLast · 17/06/2014 19:46

I would hazard a guess that she IS fussed about whether you are at the wedding or the hen do because I won't be inviting anyone I don't WANT to be at with of them.

I don't think you can be too peeved that she is disappointed you cant go to the hen do. Essentially, in her eyes, you are picking not making an effort for her over making an effort for her. It's up to you how much you care.

Writerwannabe83 · 17/06/2014 19:48

The Hen Do is a 3 day trip to Scotland next month - surely she must understand a breast feeding mother can't leave her 4 month old baby that long?!

OP posts:
JohnnyBarthes · 17/06/2014 19:49

As another poster said, if people host child free weddings they should accept that it means some people just can't attend

That is absolutely true, Op. Ditto weddings abroad.

HaroldLloyd · 17/06/2014 19:49

Maybe that's not the case writer.

I would probably see it more like writer says she can't come as she's got the baby (no mention of bf) ok that means we can ask auntie Gladys.

Friend 2 says can I bring my 3 month old he's EBF and will be sleeping the whole time.

Bride, pissed, possibly says yes ok.

Your DH texts, she thinks ah shit I have opened the baby floodgates now. How many of them will I end up with? What about auntie Gladys?

I think I will just hide for a bit.

Writerwannabe83 · 17/06/2014 19:49

Even if I wasn't breastfeeding I doubt I'd leave DS for 3 days and go as far as Scotland.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 17/06/2014 19:50

God I would.

ThursdayLast · 17/06/2014 19:50

I'm not trying to say the bride is being reasonable though, sorry!

JohnnyBarthes · 17/06/2014 19:50

3 days when ds was 4 months old wouldn't have happened here, either.

Writerwannabe83 · 17/06/2014 19:51

Your post made me Smile Harold

OP posts:
ThursdayLast · 17/06/2014 19:51

Yeah and also only just saw 3 day trip to Scotland .