I can't take my baby to a wedding but someone else can...

[Writerwannabe83]

One of my DH's good friends is getting married in 2 months time. When they handed out their invites they said children are welcome to be at the church ceremony but are unable to attend the meal and the evening reception.

That's fine, I have absolutely no problem with child-free weddings.

I have a baby that I EBF so I text the bride and declined the invite and said it because I couldn't leave DS. DS will have just turned 5 months at the time of the wedding. I didn't get a reply from her.

My DH is felt quite aggrieved as he wasn't comfortable with the fact that me and DS couldn't go seeing as DS will not need a seat or food so won't be affecting their guest numbers or cost. But anyway, like I said, I have no problem if the B&G choose child free weddings.

However, it has now transpired another couple who have a baby are being allowed to take theirs because "he will only be 3 months old".

Since learning this my DH has spoken to the Groom who has said he will speak to the bride. The Groom said of course he wanted me to be at the wedding but apparently the bride had said she didn't want babies/children present as she didn't want food being thrown around the room?!

Do 5 month old babies do that?
(DS is my first so I have no experience of a baby's fine dining etiquette).

He also said she probably wasn't aware I'd still be BF.

It's been five days now since my DH spoke to his friend and we still haven't heard anything back do I'm guessing the bride said no and we are still not welcome.

I don't know how I feel about it all now - surely if she is banning babies it should apply to all babies? I think it's a bit unfair that I'm being turned away but another mother and her baby aren't.

(Incidentally the other baby is being formula fed so can technically be away from her parents.)

I'm happy to be told I'm BU - I just think it's a bit harsh that my baby isn't welcome but someone else's is....

So in your shoes, I would probably make the effort to go to the whole wedding to balance out the hen do.
Sorry. Just saying what I would do.

Harold, if I had had another child then probably I would have too, but with my pf and only b then no. It's only now he's bigger than me that I realise it would have been absolutely fine.

But she can't expect me to start introducing bottles just so I can spend 4 hours at her Wedding Reception can she?

Or maybe she does

No one would have an expectation someone with a baby that young could make a whole weekend away surely. I wouldn't have thought she would have the arse over that.

You are making assumptions about her thoughts -'d reasons for making the decisions that she has made. This hurts no one but you! It is better to assume the best intentions until you know otherwise. Calm and zen all round.

I've got 2 under 3 and would go to the opening of a crisp packet for a break

I've only read a few pages throughout this saga, but if it was me I wouldn't have anything to do with them. They sound petty and will probably get divorced anyway, the petty couples at their weddings usually do.

I think people who don't have children don't have a clue about what is involved in looking after them or getting other people to look after them - I certainly didn't. It's nothing personal and I'm sure no snub is intended. Your DH can go and it's his friend getting married so what's the problem? If you are breast feeding your baby this probably won't be the last thing you have to pass on because you can't leave your baby - it's the price you pay, but one well worth paying IMHO.

DS is 15 months and I wouldn't leave him for 3 nights yet. 2 with DH is my max so far.

Not a chance at 4 months old.

I think the bride will look back at this one day and be mortified and hopefully invited to a childfree wedding or two when she has a bf baby

I'm sure she wouldn't even understand that sentence if she saw it writer!
But in your place, I would want to introduce bottles so I could attend the special day of someone I consider a friend.

Why on earth should she be mortified? She's doing nothing wrong.

Get divorced? Because they haven't invited babies?

Now that's the most ridiculous thing I've read all day.

She's not going. She's not expecting them to change. She's just wondering why they applies a different criteria to another baby.

Well who knows? In the end, it's nobody's business but the parents if the golden ticket baby and the bride and groom.

She probably has no idea that for some people bottles are a hassle or something they want to avoid tbh. Or that you would even need to introduce bottles to be away from a baby for 4 hours.

I've got children(well one) .He might be the centre of my universe but he's not the centre of anyone else's apart from his dad.

I'm the poster who got called out re texting. Sorry but I stand by that. Texting your replies just says you actually can't even be bothered calling her or sending a nice card. Yet you've now got your knickers in a twist about being slighted. Really quite astonishing.

I think the bride will look back at this one day and be mortified and hopefully invited to a childfree wedding or two when she has a bf baby

Yeah, that'll show her. Ho ho ho! What I wouldn't give to see that utter cow's comeuppance! Then she'll get divorced for not having babies at the wedding too, and everyone will be satisfied that she got her just desserts.

I've got 2 under 3 and would go to the opening of a crisp packet for a brEak

ha ha ha

phaedra - I text her to clarify which parts of the day DS could attend as the invite wasn't very clear to me. It was only when she said she would sort out letting me know the timings of the day so that I could arrange childcare that I told her that I couldn't attend. What was I supposed to say? Tell her thanks and give the impression I was going?

Ok, in hindsight I could have rang her but at the same time I was reluctant to do so because I absolutely didn't want her to feel pressured to invite me still. If I'd told her over the phone the reasons why I wasn't going I'd be worried that she would feel she had to go back on her initial plans because she felt she couldn't voice out loud that DS still couldn't come. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

I don't think the texting was a biggie.

YABU

You took the decision and declined the invite.
It shouldn't matter that another baby is being 'allowed' to go.

Really I honestly think you should've called the bride or groom- whoever you are closest to- and explained the situation re breastfeeding.

Your husband should go with good grace and not get all guest-zilla about it and throw a strop!!

Well, I went to a wedding last year, Very Reluctantly, (husband best man) and left my five month old at home. Deliberately. I sung and danced all night and had a great sleep. Felt so invigorated. Thoroughly enjoyed that wedding. Every wedding I've been to with kids has been stressful. I'd jump at the chance for enforced sleep......

Ooh breast feeding...sorry didnt read that bit. You should phone them. Explain. People who are about to get married aren't necessarily thinking about feeding arrangement for friends kids....don't be offended....if they've not had kids ....

I really don't think it's worth getting knickers in a twist over.