I can't take my baby to a wedding but someone else can...

[Writerwannabe83]

One of my DH's good friends is getting married in 2 months time. When they handed out their invites they said children are welcome to be at the church ceremony but are unable to attend the meal and the evening reception.

That's fine, I have absolutely no problem with child-free weddings.

I have a baby that I EBF so I text the bride and declined the invite and said it because I couldn't leave DS. DS will have just turned 5 months at the time of the wedding. I didn't get a reply from her.

My DH is felt quite aggrieved as he wasn't comfortable with the fact that me and DS couldn't go seeing as DS will not need a seat or food so won't be affecting their guest numbers or cost. But anyway, like I said, I have no problem if the B&G choose child free weddings.

However, it has now transpired another couple who have a baby are being allowed to take theirs because "he will only be 3 months old".

Since learning this my DH has spoken to the Groom who has said he will speak to the bride. The Groom said of course he wanted me to be at the wedding but apparently the bride had said she didn't want babies/children present as she didn't want food being thrown around the room?!

Do 5 month old babies do that?
(DS is my first so I have no experience of a baby's fine dining etiquette).

He also said she probably wasn't aware I'd still be BF.

It's been five days now since my DH spoke to his friend and we still haven't heard anything back do I'm guessing the bride said no and we are still not welcome.

I don't know how I feel about it all now - surely if she is banning babies it should apply to all babies? I think it's a bit unfair that I'm being turned away but another mother and her baby aren't.

(Incidentally the other baby is being formula fed so can technically be away from her parents.)

I'm happy to be told I'm BU - I just think it's a bit harsh that my baby isn't welcome but someone else's is....

so you ARE now going to the church part? but not bringing baby. I'm a bit confused here.

very very rude replying or engaging in a text convo re this too. if I were the bride I'd be mightly pissed off by that alone.

I agree with others too, if you'd spoken by phone/in person to the bride etc you'd have had a better outcome.

and your DH is being petty.

Weddings and baby's/ children is a bad combo. There may be many reasons the other couple are,going. Forget it. You'd just sit around bored watching everyone else get pissed anyway.

Bride was rude not replying to your text

No she wasn't. OP was pretty rude replying to a wedding invitation by text. If OP responds in such a casual manner I see no need for the bride to take it further.

Your baby wasn't invited, asking for the baby to be invited just isn't the right thing to do. Especially because you had already declined the meal/reception bit. The other baby going is irrelevant.

It is hard when aware other children invited and yours not.
I went to a wedding recently which I found harder than I thought I would, as my children not invited, but others were. In the future I may not attend such a wedding as my smile was fixed on occasion and probably would have been best if I wasn't there if I couldn't switch off feeling pissed off.
You live and learn what your tolerance levels are I find.
If dh wants to go though, he should. You save some money and have a nice time at home.

Sapphire someone else's wedding is not about your children.

YANBU. It would really annoy me too.

YANBU. I'd be furious too. Tell them to stuff it and find something better to do with your time. Cheeky pair.

Jesus Christ. Poor bride and groom.

Divas and their babies.

To be honest I would think its just a case of them not knowing about kids/babies and not really thinking it through particularly. Maybe they don't know exactly how old your little one is. Or that ebf. 3 months is definitely still a newborn. Maybe that mum asked specifically if she could bring and explained newborn. And of you declined they might well have re allocated your spot.

I went to 2 weddings last year with a newborn (2 months). Both said no children on invite. For both we asked bride and groom if we could bring newborn as would be ebf and not able to leave. If they had said no then I wouldn't have gone, but I wouldn't have been annoyed about it. I just figured as they didn't have kids it was worth asking and explaining newborns.

Did offload the toddler though!

I have been reading through this thread and I am gob smacked at the number of people that would be upset and get all precious because their DC (regardless of age) weren't invited to simeones wedding, even if other DC where invited.

Its not your wedding, its not your money, its not your special occasion, these are not your specisl memories, you have no say on who should be invited. You are not entitled to have your DC there. If you don't like it then dont go.

The B & G can and should invite who they like. No one else's business and no one has a say.

The difficulty with wedding etiquette [apart from everyone having different ideas on etiquette] is that there are always emotions involved. Maybe the friend who has just been invited to evening do thought they were a better friend so upset, choice of bridesmaids [I unintentionally upset a friend there many moons ago..], partner invited or not etc, etc....
An emotional minefield as no one mindreaders....
Same applies with children if some invited and some not. Clearly the Bride and Groom don't have to explain or justify their guest list but.... fall out often inevitable with some families and friendships.

Money is involved with guests LittlePeaPod, so is a consideration for guests.
[Hotels, petrol, presents, time off work etc].
A wedding seldom a free lunch!!

Op have you considered that breastfeeding makes her squeamish? Maybe she just doesn't want to tell you....how do you tell someone that I couldn't. Maybe she's scared you'll be getting your tits out in the middle of her wedding reception.

Sapphire but people have a choice. If they are concerned about finances or that their DC aren't invited, they have a choice not to go. If there is anything people aren't happy with then don't go..

B&G don't need to consider their guests. The send invites and guests choosebwhether they go or not. The only considerations B & G need to make is how they want their day to go. After all its their wedding. End of!

It is threads like this that make me realise why people elope

^^ This.

What with interfering relatives, people randomly adding extras to the guest list, people demanding plus ones, family members not talking to each other, I wonder why more people don't just run off and do it.

I think at my advanced years I would have had a differnent wedding to the one I had years ago.
However, as the Bride and Groom we found ourselves having to consider our families big time. Do other people not?!
I even invited my an older Aunts neighbour to keep her happy, certainly not on my original guest list!

Pobble exactly why DH and I got married abroad and invited no one. We had and did exactly what we wanted. It wasn't a secret and everyone knew we were going abroad. We had a few upset/disappointed people but we felt no guilt because the day was about DH and I.

When we got married three years ago both sets of parent said this 'invite who you like'. So we did. (We did invite all family).

Weddings these days, especially as couples tend to pay for them themselves, have gone past it being an opportunity for the parents to invite all their friends and neighbours whilst the people that the couple actually care about are only invited to the evening.

My mil said at her wedding she barely knew anyone. Sounds awful.

My next wedding will be me and DP abroad on our own with our son, and I may consider one big evening reception when we return for whoever wants to come.

People get so het up over weddings, my first big white wedding was like this, to the point I actually hated the day because of all the fucking politics. I went to bed at 7pm on my wedding day because I couldn't be fucked with anyone anymore and there ohh where is this person and why can't this person go in the car to the church....

Just stay at home and enjoy the time with your baby, they grow so fast just snuggle up all day :)

My mil said at her wedding she barely knew anyone.

My idea of a complete nightmare wedding.

These threads always bemuse me for the simple reason that I can't understand why anyone would want to take their DC to a wedding.

Unless it is a hugely and deliberately child-friendly affair, the whole day will be a stress-fest for both parent and child! As others have said, weddings and babies/toddlers really don't mix. Older children who might genuinely enjoy the day and know to sit quietly/listen when they need to are a different matter, but I've yet to be at a wedding with babies/toddlers present where they didn't get distressed/overexcited and/or spoil things in some way. (And that includes young babies who can still scream/fill their nappies/vomit profusely at inappropriate moments etc etc). I have had to take my own DC to a handful of weddings as babies/toddlers and it was awful, even though they were relatively well-behaved; I was just stressed the entire time and they picked up on that and got stressed too.

All that said, I don't think the OP is unreasonable to feel a bit hurt that their DC is excluded whilst another baby will be attending. But why she wants to take her baby in the first place is completely beyond me.