be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

Massive x post!

And these internet strangers are going to do WHAT exactly?

Exactly MrsTatum. On FB you can save, share, edit the images etc. FB also has many twats similar to the ones on here hiding behind anonymity who will make spiteful comments just because the sad bastards have nothing better to do.

Getting hysterical won't help anymore than the grammar posts!

I've asked how is best to move forwards.... It's done.... So where does this leave you op?

I would explain it to him again. But be a lot firmer

Here is a nice pic of Prince George for example, that i found on the internet.

PortofinoRevisited i dont know what 'these internet strangers' would do with the image that is exactly the point!!! Surely you hear things that these Fing bastards do with childrens images on the news??? it might be rare and i know i cant wrap her up in cotton wool forever but i will protect her in every way i can until she old enough to make her own mistakes and then ill worry myself silly about those!
You may not agree as to why i see it as a potential danger but surely if there was something that you saw as a danger to your child you would protect them from it?

Wow, OP ignore all the shit you're getting tonight, for some reason you really are getting a battering, some threads yes sometimes it's warranted but I'm trying to understand why everyone is jumping on you.

(Your OP is hard to read and has terribly punctuation, however...)

FWIW I don't think YBU. You specifically asked FIL bit to do something an he went fuck it and did it anyway. It's your baby (yes, yes, it's his grandchild) and if you've actively chosen to opt out of Faceache then you have every right bit to have your child plastered all over it.

For everyone calling you controlling I counter that by saying FIL is entitled.

Yes, I've had Faceache and I've had it longer that most, I also had Friendster, MySpace and whatever te fuck else was going, this about about a FIL deliberately disrespecting a direct request.

He could have at the very least come to some sort of compromise if he is so proud or whatever he is thinking by doing what he did.

As you were.

I can see why you don't like it but there isn't much you can do.

YANBU I would be royally fucked off if someone said to my face of course I will respect your privacy and your choice not to flash your baby news/ pics around to any old nosey pleb, then just decided my feelings were not actually as important as their desire to show off.

Your FIL sounds like a selfish arse and I wouldn't think twice about keeping my distance if I were in your position.

And also he could hve privately messages pictures or god forbid emailed them.

I'm on my phone and don't give a fuck about typos tonight OP

YANBU.

I don't want pictures of my kids on Facebook. Not because I'm terrified of paedophiles, but because it's my duty as a parent to protect their privacy until they're old enough to make their own choices.

Relying on constantly changing privacy policies and settings is bit naive but also misses the point. This is about consent and respect.

Anyone who shows such disregard for your clearly expressed wishes is a big twat. Don't give him/let him take any photos till he learns to respect you.

I just don't get this fighting against the tide argument. I know quite a few privacy lawyers and have a guess how many of them are on Facebook. That's right - a big fat zero.

Proud grandad posts pics of grand daughter? And? Sorry but I think you're being hugely U. I'd be annoyed about him announcing pregnancy but a few pictures of his grand daughter who he's obviously immensely proud of? How can that wind anyone up? Ensure he's got privacy on and his profile is only available to actual friends - or he can customize so when he posts a photo it only gets seen by x and y people.

I get that you're annoyed he isn't 'listening' so to speak but other than that I think you're being a tad miserable. Sorry!

I can understand your upset. Back in the olden days when I had DS (26years ago so pre-FB) my MIL sent out written birth announcements before I was even home from hospital to do any and it still rankles!

I think all you can do though is don't give him photos and don't tell him anything until you are ready to tell all and sundry. If he complains then remind him that he told you he will do what he wants so you have to treat him according to what you want for your daughter

I will refuse him photos of my daughter for the time being hopefully this will refrain him from doing it again i will also be speaking to him to make sure he understands how damaging this has been to our relationship with him. If he values his relationship with his granddaughter he wont continue to undermine her parents wishes.

I can understand why you are upset at your FIL. He's breeched your trust on more than one occasion and that then makes you wonder whether you can trust him again.

He's gone beyond the "norms" of decent fb/social media behaviour, where you should respect the wishes of your friends and relatives - whether or not they ate themselves on fb.

I take lots of photos at youth cycling events which I know that the other parents (and kids) enjoy me loading up into a Youth Cycling closed group. Even though I know the names of many of the kids and/or their parents, I never tag unless I know that they would be OK with it. I leave it up to them to tag (and will accept the tag).

That's just common courtesy and it's a shame that your FIL doesn't have any.

I'm sorry but there are other options besides Facebook for photosharing!

Private options.

Good for you Daisy! Stick to it and he should get the message. I'd also be careful of what you give your MIL if she gives them to him

Actually, having thought about it and re read your post i'm going to do a complete 180 and say you're not being U at all. Ha. I don't think it's worth losing a relationship over because he's clearly very proud etc etc, but he is just going against your wishes and you should be the one to have authority over pictures and what not.
Yea. you're not being unreasonable. He's being proud but, disrespectful!

FWIW, after a talk at school about online safety, my 7 year old DD pulled me up on putting photos of her and DS on facebook which they hadn't given me permission for! I'm always very careful not to post photos which could embarrass them when they're older, but she was still spot on. I've taken to running them past them now.

yes Maryz its the betrayal, effects of the betrayal on future trust and obviously im annoyed about the photos too as otherwise i wouldnt mind them being on there, but its the whole thing and his response to our upset was to call us names and try and be little us rather than apologise and remove the photos.

YANBU he is totally disregarding your wishes concerning your child.

FFS I can't believe the grammar and paragraphs posts