be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

The comment from PP was about your punctuation, not grammar and spelling. Your post was very long and not easy to read without paragraphs - I don't think it's necessary to get snippy

Your getting unnecessary shit OP. Just ignore. If you dont like it your well within your right to tell him to stop.

I actually think it's really disrespectful especially since the OP said don't and fil agreed. I think FB is terrible and I hate it when people announce stuff on it (hence why I don't have an account). Privacy is becoming a serious issue but no one seems to care. I would also be upset OP

Oh, is this one of those threads where you don't actually want any opinions that don't match your own?

As for the grammar bullies, well done. I hope your egos are satisfied & you all feel super proud of yourselves you big ole' brainboxes.

Why is the op getting a hard time here?

He said he wouldn't post the pics then he did? It's not unreasonable to want to limit your dcs social media presence.

I think people are always going to struggle to follow arbitrary rules that they don't understand or think are bonkers. My Mum isn't on Facebook but her purse is so crammed with pictures of her children and grandchildren that there's barely room for any cash. She shows them to all and sundry all the time and I think if I forbade it she would tell me to do one.

Exactly JohnFarleys - The baby is only a few months old and all of the people on fil's FB have seen them.

Did you also check Instagram and Twitter op?

I share loads on Facebook- pictures of my children etc. I have family who live far away. However, if someone I knew asked me not to post pictures of them or their families I would completely respect their wishes. I'm stunned by the amount of responses you've had telling you yabu!
I have friends who don't put any pictures up of their children- wouldn't dream of taking pics and uploading them to Facebook (well not if I wanted to stay friends with them) YANBU

Actually, I think that YANBU.

He can think what he likes about you, as can everyone who disagrees with you, but the level of online presence is a very personal thing, and until a child is old enough to have a say then the parents get to call the shots. It is incredibly disrespectful of your FIL to continue to post photos after you've pulled him on it and he promised not to do it again.

Agree with those who say just don't send him any photos and don't let him take photos as he can't be trusted. If your daughter gets to an age where she's happy to have FIL post photos then fair enough but she might want to make very sure she only lets him have copies of ones she's happy to go public.

Bloody hell!!! twitter and Instagram!! How social savvy is FILdo we think?

thank you CSI janner what you have said is exactly right and explains all my concerns to a T. Granny understands our point of view and is furious with her hubby for causing this and husband is feeling very betrayed and upset that his dad put his own wants before ours. I understand to a degree the whole being precious about the photos but shes my first child, my little baby girl who isnt precious about that?

Please can other ppl stop being so rude about my grammer im not going to defend my education to someone that feels the need to pick on someone for such a thing, what kind of a person does that make you? I thought mumsnet was for people to offer points of view and advice to other mums not slate each other.

He's being a nob.
He's taking liberties that he isn't entitled to.
You are right to be a bit pissed off with him.

But, it's because he's loves his GD & wants to show her off to his friends.

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to pick your battles, & IMO this is one that you should just let go.

It isn't worth the stress or the hassle when he is going to do it anyway; & tbf, he has good intentions even if he is a nob.

Daisy I'm with you on this one. You asked your fil not to post stuff and he has totally disrespected your wishes. I'm on fb but will not be posting pics of my son when he arrives in august. Personal choice isn't it.
Proud grandparent or not, you asked him not to and he went behind your back and done it. And to announce your pregnancy before you had was totally out of order!
Hope you get it sorted soon xx

In my opinion you are yabu sorry. You come across as controlling - let him show his granddaughter off.
I just don't know why you would get so het up about this. Surely if he posts pictures they are his 'property' and he can do what he likes with them?

Sorry but I am confused as to why, if you don't like FB and don't have an account as it 'isn't your thing' then why are you using someone else's account all of the time?

The op isn't on FB and her FIL agreed not to put pictures of his GC on FB. Then he goes and does the one thing he said he wouldn't.

I don't think you're being unreasonable about the photos but realistically I can't see what you can do about it.

And, as you brought the fact you have an English degree into this, can I ask which university you went to that didn't explain to you how to write and use "etc" properly?

I sympathise OP and I don't think you're wrong for wanting to limit and monitor images of your child on the internet. If only more people would think about this! Can you perhaps show him some examples of how quickly an image can be shared and go viral? How wide the audience is? Talk about privacy settings?

I put photos of my daughter on Facebook, I have strict privacy controls on my account. My MIL shares my pictures with her friends (strangers, people she's met on there) which I hate but I feel powerless. There were a couple or weird incidents in parenting groups I was in, where some members were banned because they were taking other peoples images of their children. It's this kind of stuff you need to show him.

Lastly, my MIL left her Facebook open on my iPad so I changed her privacy settings, at least not everyone can see it now I'm trying to get her to understand!

Good luck

I understand.

You have chosen not to be on Facebook. You have chosen not to share your private life with hundreds of people or post pictures of your baby online. For someone, after repeated requests not to, to put pictures of your baby and even your scans online is a huge invasion of privacy.

Oh my god, does her bloody grammar matter?! Get a grip! If you can't read it then get back to school!

i didnt realise when i hit send that i hadnt included paragraphs i just wrote it and hit send i didnt think it would cause such an issue.

Mumsnet is not social networking.

I think it's very off. My dds dad and his partner have recently had twins. My dd was very upset to see pictures of the twins on another networking site by a family friend before dd had even met her new siblings.

Dd doesn't have a Facebook account but she wants me to put pics of her and her new siblings on my Facebook. I would never ever dream of doing that.