be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

Keep it up Daisy and don't either of you bend to his will. It will do him good to realise he can no longer get his own way every time. X

Well doesn't your FIL sound just lovely?

Obviously, YANBU and I think you're approach is great. Short of cutting both PIL out, I don't know what else you can do. I hope you stick to your guns. Your FIL is a bully, and standing up to bullies is the only way to deal with them.

I don't put pictures of my children on Facebook either and I have my security at max. I just don't like it. My kids, my decision.

Come round and see his granddaughter? What's he going to do if you don't open the door? Huff and puff until he blows your house down? Silly git.

Daisy, please can you change back to the username you started the thread with so your posts can be highlighted. I keep missing your updates

I don't think op is being precious. I would hate for pictures of my children to be out online. Once it's on fb it's in the public domain. Fair enough if you have made the decision. Really horrible for someone else to do that to you.

Conflicted here. FIL is being unreasonable in keepingdoing it and you are unreasonable for being hysterical about it. You both sound like crashing bores about the child tbh.

Glad you and your DH are sticking to your (perfectly reasonable) position, OP.

Although it may be time to start that 'My FIL is a Git' Facebook page, no?

Totally agree with the OP. I would be absolutely fuming. I hate scan photos on fb. A child deserves privacy not to be seen by the world before it is born. Sorry but I find sharing scan pictures on fb disgusting anyway.

wooldonor OP said she had problems getting into her original account and had to create a new one, so she probably can't go back to her original username (unless MNHQ can wave their gin-soaked magic wand or anything, I don't know if they do that though?).

OP, definitely tell your FIL to do one, he sounds like a massive cock. And not in a good way.

Oh thanks puntasticusername, you see I missed that as it wasn't highlighted

no problem, I can't even remember if it was here that she explained about it or on The Other Thread!

Hello! Sorry i cant change my username back to the old one wooldonor, apologies for confusion. I had a catchup with a very trust worthy friend today who i hadnt seen one on one to tell her all about whats been going on with inlaws until now.

She told me that on my wedding day my FIL was out of hand on our wedding day - back story of our wedding - we self funded it and had an extremely low key thing no big wedding dress just a registry office event. Family and friends came to the registry office and then we had an afternoon buffet and drinks at a local function room with everyone. That evening we had arranged to go out for a meal with just a handful of very close friends so we could go out after and celebrate into the night.

Anyway at the day reception FIL approached my friend and said 'are you going to the evening meal' she said no as she had a newborn baby and wasnt ready to leave him for the eve yet, to which he replied 'we havent been invited, fucking disgusting isnt, what kind of freak does that' this is after when we gave them and my parents the invites and explained that we would be having an evening meal with some friends and they said 'ok that sounds nice'

Turns out hes always been a back stabbing bastard it just took having a baby to realise it.

The more I hear about this man the more it sounds like DD, you and DH will be so much better off without him polluting your lives.

Monty OP isn't being hysterical. There is nothing hysterical in not wanting to participate in Facebook. It's not obligatory. What is hysterical is the thinking on here of those who think you must be on it

Harping back to FB for a second, it would have been better for FIL to tell the OP that he'd really like to share at least one photo with his friends on FB and could they pick one that's appropriate or something like that. That would have been a compromise and have been respectful.

But all the rest of this... just wow. It's SO much more than FB. So very much more and it's very sad.

Stick to your guns OP. Also, be wary of other family members who "take pity" on FIL and provide him with photos because they're still able to see her, or "accidentally" run into him and DM while out and about with your DD.

If someone asks you what happened (and they will after he's bleated around how unfair YOU are being) I would make sure (given the stupid reactions on this thread) to mention the insults, the emotional blackmail etc etc and going against your wishes and the FB thing "being one example". Horrible person.

skydelic why should she comprise about this? Facebook is not compulsory. I'm a little sceptical about the fils mates down the pub being desperate to see baby photos but if they were, what not show them a real photo? Or one on his phone.

Why is it so difficult for some people to understand not everyone is interested in or wants to use Facebook? .

skydelic why should she comprise about this? Facebook is not compulsory. I'm a little sceptical about the fils mates down the pub being desperate to see baby photos but if they were, what not show them a real photo? Or one on his phone.

Why is it so difficult for some people to understand not everyone is interested in or wants to use Facebook? .

Skydelic, well perhaps if he DISCUSSED things then a compromise could be reached. The problem is he didn't discuss beforehand despite how they felt, and told them to lump it.

Then when they said, can we talk about things to find a way forward and possibly compromise, he said my way or the highway.

Compromise involves BOTH parties being willing to do so. Not the OP and her DH doing all the give whilst he does all the taking.

I just can't believe the utter twats upthread. It's depressing. Fuck off you fucking twats!! Snidey about grammar snidey about op wanting privacy- I despair. Op, Yanbu.

Sorry op, did you just say you didn't invite your parents to the meal after the ceremony? scratches head

That is a little unusual, no?

Some of the women on here are absolute weapons. You're nothing but bullies who hide behind a computer screen.

Op. Take no notice and tell your fil to piss off.

heraldgerald no that is not what she said. There was an afternoon meal after the reception for family which the pils were at and then a later friends only meal. It's not the usual set -up, but so what?

thanks phaedra saved me explaining that one to herald x

Possibly the strangest reaction to a AIBU thread I've read! It really does have it all; grammar, in-laws and Hitler!

Daisy you are most definitely not being unreasonable, FIL sounds like a controlling nut job and it is probably just as well you've found out whilst your DD is so young!

sykadelic the photos going on facebook wouldn't have been up for compromise had he bothered to ask. We didnt and don't want to put images of our child on facebook and would never willingly neglect protecting that to satisfy someone elses wants.