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AIBU?

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Original poster

be angry about facebook photos?

379 replies

Daisy122 · 14/06/2014 21:00

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 15/06/2014 18:14

I know you have been landed some crap about your spelling which was untrue and nasty. I skimmed through it because it was just horrid and I obv missed some info. However, on AIBU people will have different opinions to you, so I guess you have to take the rough with the smooth, although this thread has been a tad rough. I'd go for another forum next time, maybe? Smile

RedToothBrush · 15/06/2014 18:15

Haha

Pot Kettle.

Italiangreyhound · 15/06/2014 18:17

Daisy you are not (as far as I can see) cutting them out of her life or your hubby's life) they are cutting themselves out.

They sounds awful and I am sure it will be no loss at all to your daughter. I do feel sorry for your Dh and his mum who sadly seems to be under the control of FIL.

I really think you will be better off without them in your life and I totally agree when people say 'pick your battles' but in this case you did not pick a battle, they did IMHO).

Good luck.

PS I am English, have taught English as a foreign language and have an English degree. I am also dyslexic, a fast, inaccurate type-r and was once asked by another mumsnet poster if English was my second language!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 15/06/2014 18:23

RedTooth I assume that was to me? Really fucking unnecessary. I apologised to the OP for missing out key information. Christ on a bike!

clam · 15/06/2014 18:30

Well, I don't know either of you, or your posting history, but I'm assuming that redtooth believes you to have been a bit free with the harsh posts yourself in the past?

Although that's nothing to do with me, so I'll bow out.

RedToothBrush · 15/06/2014 18:33

And then you had another go at her and told her to use another forum if she couldn't handle the rough with the smooth!!!

After your comments on the last page, its just funny!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/06/2014 18:35

For what it is worth, I think you are not at ALL unreasonable to be upset about your FIL posting news and pictures on FB. For me, it is as much the fact that he told you to your face that he'd respect your wishes, and then went behind your back to,post pictures and news.

If I were you, I would tell him that he has one final chance to show he is prepared to respect your decisions about your child - unless he takes down any pictures and statuses he has put up on FB, and agrees not to post anything more, he will forfeit any trust you have in him - and that will mean he won't get to spend time with the baby or take or receive any pictures of him!

I hope that this doesn't put you off MN - most of the people on here are kind, funny and supportive.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 15/06/2014 18:40

I didn't have another go FFS, I suggested another forum to avoid the bitches who commented on spelling and grammar!! Perhaps find something else to do instead of picking on my every word, assuming you can guess what I mean and now derailing the thread? I said I was sorry; the rough with the smooth = me not reading properly and apologising.

Hedgesinthewind · 15/06/2014 19:21

I'm a bit gobsmacked at the negative response on this thread. It's the OP's choice not to use FB, and to control who gets private information when.

Delphiniumsblue · 15/06/2014 22:25

I have every sympathy for OP- the problem lies that although she has made the choice she can't get control- she can only hope to talk and get him to understand.

cookiefiend · 15/06/2014 22:44

YANBU do not let him take any more pics.just because the majority like Facebook does not mean you child's life should have to be played out in public. He is undermining you.

zippey · 15/06/2014 23:37

YABU - in terms of the Facebook pictures. He sounds like a doting grandfather. Yes you can set the ground rules on a number of things but if the rules are unreasonable, I think its ok to break those rules. If you were my DIL, Id probably break those FB rules, as Facebook is da bomb.

Some of the other stuff - mentioning your pregnancy to others, the photo album, visiting you when you lost a lot of blood... all those seem pretty harmless and again they could be forgive them for being excited on the birth of their grandchild. You are probably right that they don't care too much for you, as you (and your parents) seem not to care for them either.

However I think they ABU for saying they wont visit your baby while they cant get their own way. I suppose they want to fight it out with you on a matter of principle. All this leaves a bad taste and the only way might be to compromise. Id suggest your DH leads the way in the compromise. I hope you are both able to come to a deal for the sake of the little one, but I fear both parties will be as stubborn/pig headed as each other.

Weasleyismyking · 15/06/2014 23:48

"Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl..."

YABU for that ^^ the two aren't exclusive.

A lot of people who say they don't have Facebook accounts, claim to know how everybody uses it. How? You don't have an account!
You don't get on with your inlaws, it has nothing to do with Facebook. If you are in real life like you've come across on this thread, they probably think you think you're better than them.

PhaedraIsMyName · 15/06/2014 23:58

zippy (a) have you read the thread and (b) are you 15?

weasley Plenty of people don't have Facebook accounts. I don't. I don't know how they work. All I know about them is what I read on here, and from what I read they sound ghastly, pointless and appealing to narcissism. How on earth do you come to the assumption OP thinks she is better than her ils? There is nothing remotely unreasonable in telling them not to post pictures on Facebook. The ils sound vile- all that rubbish about his mates down the pub.

mom2twoteens · 16/06/2014 00:09

Hi, I haven't read all the threads. Too many.

YANBU he has no right to put pictures of your child for everyone to see. I'm not that old (I don't think.) But I cannot understand peoples need to put everything out there for the world. People have no discretion.

In the future he may well be indicating to all sorts of weirdos enough info for some one to locate her and pretend to be a friend. I'd stop him getting access to photos to make sure he understands and respects your position. He's the one who's pathetic. Remember that. You're not reclusive, you're normal.

I'd be bloody furious. He'd be out of our lives.

wheresthelight · 16/06/2014 00:23

christ the bitches are out in force on here!!!!

Daisy I use facebook but mine is locked down tight so no one can copy or see my photos unless they are my friend. I do totally get why you are upset with your FIL and the guy sounds very used to getting his own way. and not to being told he is wrong.

If your DH is ok with it i would go NC - FIL has caused this so let him stew! Stand your ground or you will have a hellish life!

Good luck

WaitingForMyMam · 16/06/2014 00:37

What a bunfight!

YA absolutely NBU, OP. Here are a few arguments against putting your child on social networks, if you need ammo for your FIL. Not that he'll listen, probably.

CoffeeTea103 · 16/06/2014 00:38

Yanbu, I haven't read the entire thread.
The fact is you asked and agreed with fiL to not do this. Besides him going back on his word, it shows you can't trust him again.

Hedgesinthewind · 16/06/2014 06:54

I'm just laughing at all these posters who think that FaceBook is so so so important, and anyone who doesn't like it, or doesn't like other people posting photos of them without permission is BU. Its pathetic-are your lives so limited you think FaceBook is everything?

Hedgesinthewind · 16/06/2014 06:56

YABU - in terms of the Facebook pictures. He sounds like a doting grandfather. Yes you can set the ground rules on a number of things but if the rules are unreasonable, I think its ok to break those rules. If you were my DIL, Id probably break those FB rules

This is just pathetic. YadefinitelyNBU, OP.

almosthuman · 16/06/2014 08:26

OP YANBU to not want announcements and photo's put on Facebook.

It's a shame that there are so many bitches on this thread that obviously can't live without Facebook.

Good luck with your in laws.

UserNameUnderConstruction · 16/06/2014 09:31

Yasoooonbu!

WooItsAGhostCat · 16/06/2014 11:16

if the rules are unreasonable it is ok to break those rules
WTAF????
So, say OP decides she will not smack her child. If FiL decides that is unreasonable as 'children need discipline' is it ok for him to break that rule and give her a belting?
OP may not want to give her DD nuts, for example, because there is a family history on her side of allergy. If FiL decides she is just being 'precious' is it ok for him to give His GD a big spoonful of peanut butter at 5 months? (My MIL did this)
Maybe he should take the baby down the pub and make her perform for his drinking buddies?

Like I said, I love Facebook, my entire life is on there. But I appreciate not everyone thinks the same way as me and I would never tell someone they were being unreasonable just for valuing their privacy and protecting their child.

wannaBe · 16/06/2014 11:44

bloody hell. So op doesn't like her FIL putting pictures of her baby on fb and not only is she told she is unreasonable for that, but her spelling, grammar and punctuation are picked apart and her education is called into question - and that was just the first page. Hmm

There are plenty of people on here who actually have facebook accounts who would rather other people not put pictures of their children up online and they don't get this kind of response. If someone as an adult didn't want their picture plastered all over the internet would that be unreasonable? no didn't think so, so why can't those same adults make that decision for their children who don't yet have the ability to decide whether or not they would want pictures of them as a newborn to be out there in the public domain in 25 years time?

I understand why the op's fil might want to put up a picture of his dgd on fb to show her off, but the op doesn't want this, and it is the op's right not to ask this. pregnancy announcements as well are a bit Hmm but next time I would just not tell them until you're ready. and IMO scan photo's on fb are cringeworthy even from the person whose scan it is, from someone else is just bloody weird. My cousin's fil put a scan photo of their grandchild in a frame and hung it above their fireplace. Hmm and we all thought that was odd. fb to the world is just bloody weird.

I wouldn't cut contact over it tbh but if they're stamping their feet then just leave them to it. It's them who will lose out in the long term