be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

UPDATE this has happend last hlf hr: FIL text hubby and said.....

'Ill pop round tomorrow to spend time with my granddaughter'

hubby texts back - 'sorry i don't understand are you now acting like nothing happend? this isn't healthy for our relationship and wont solve anything in the long term'

FIL - 'Oh for goodness sake hubbys name, are you two still going on about that, just grow up will you its pathetic and weird your just going to have to forget it i wont be talking about it'

MIL texts - 'im so disappointed in you, if FIL wont see GD then neither will i.

errrrrmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hopefully it will give him a bit of a kick up the arse. But I suspect he will need a bit more challenging before he gets it, if he ever does.

This thread is a total disaster. But in 5 years time, when you are part of the furniture here, there will be a thread asking if you remember the first thread you started or your first flaming in AIBU. You will probably look back on it and laugh as you recount the story of how some idiot compared you to Hitler.

Although tbh I'm not actually sure whether Zippey deserves a kicking or some sort of prize for managing to Godwin this thread in that totally unexpected manner.

Crossed posts. Wow, they really are, erm, thick skinned, aren't they.

I would suggest a nice family day out for the whole day just you, DH and DD. Because you know they will be round ringing the door bell at some god forsaken hour tomorrow.

MIL now texts me - your really upsetting FIL just leave him alone.

I havent contacted FIL i presume she is insuating that the perfectly polite text hubby sent FIL back as detailed above is all my doing and some how extremely offensive.

Im not being funny but even if i did say something to upset FIL why should i be too worried about it, is that not what he has knowingly done to us repeatedly?

I would text back

we are very disappointed in that DF decided to ignore our wishes regarding DD and that you DM cannot see just how wrong his actions are. We cannot accept this behaviour and if you feel that for this reason you cannot have a relationship with your DG then that is your choice. We stand by what we said.

The op is Eva brauns mother?!

lol johnfarleys i was definately not kicking about the world in 1912!

ohidoneedtogetagrip thats a very good response might just copy that!

I would text back "I haven't contacted FIL, he contacted my husband who replied to him so please don't criticise me for something I haven't done." You could add that you are quite happy to have no contact with him at the moment.
I find it odd that FIL arranges to meet his granddaughter, not that he comes round to see his family including his granddaughter. My parents always arranged to visit us as a family, same with my inlaws.

'Ill pop round tomorrow to spend time with my granddaughter'

I believe the correct phrasing is "Is it ok for me to pop round tomorrow and spend time with my granddaughter?" rather than telling you what he is doing and expecting you to fall in line.

hubby texts back - 'sorry i don't understand are you now acting like nothing happend? this isn't healthy for our relationship and wont solve anything in the long term'

Perfectly fine and ignoring the rude assumption and demand of the FIL's text.

FIL - 'Oh for goodness sake hubbys name, are you two still going on about that, just grow up will you its pathetic and weird your just going to have to forget it i wont be talking about it'

Belittling and not respecting the fact that you have made it clear this is a big deal to you. Then trying to manipulate and control by using threats unless you comply with his wishes.

MIL texts - 'im so disappointed in you, if FIL wont see GD then neither will i.

Topped off with emotional blackmail icing sugar.

Its REALLY not about Facebook...

MIL now texts me - your really upsetting FIL just leave him alone.

And MORE emotional blackmail.

Sounds almost exactly the same type of thing we get off DH's parents. Its so stressful and difficult to deal with.

copied that pretty much they have replied with 'we have nothing to say'

I know a lot of you think that one or both will cave but honestly i think they are that pig headed and stubborn that they wont. FIL has nothing to do with his sister or nieces because of fallouts he wouldnt back down in and MIL honestly wont cave i dont think, shes a very hard woman.

I'm not sure I would find this stressful, I'd be so pissed off with their attitude I'd find telling them where to go quite easy, especially if my husband took that approach. More subtle emotional blackmail where you aren't sure if you're just being a bit paranoid is more stressful for me than this sort of blatent prattishness.

If they decide not to visit you then with their current attitude I think that's no loss. They accept your role as parents and agree to play nicely or they can stay at home and play on their computers and go down the pub.

Remember the ball is in their court. They have chosen not to have contact with DGD you have not said that they can't see her.
Please do not cave because if you do DFIL will see that he has carte blanche to rail road both you and DH over any future decisions or requests you make.
You and your DH need to stand strong together on this one

They have nothing to say? Excellent! It's working.

"that you DM cannot see just how wrong his actions are" What's even worse than that is that she CAN (or rather, could) see how wrong he is being, as she agreed with you earlier on, but she's STILL backing him.
Silly people.

You go, Daisy! You are awesome.

I find it really strange FIL refers to "my granddaughter", rather than her name. it's like she is a possession to him or something that reflects glory back onto him, rather than a person in her own right. Very unhealthy.

Hope DH feels good about finally having stood up to his domineering father. the two of you make a formidable pair and I bet FIL wishes he never started this whole row by being so silly. He does sound deluded enough to stick to his guns, but the lack of his charming company is probably a bonus!

Actually, it's interesting that mil reports him being "upset." We could argue all day if zippey comes back as to exactly why he's upset, but doesn't it indicate that maybe, just maybe, something's getting through to him.
It's possible he just needs to find a way to save face - arseholes often can't back down, but it's not your job to find him one.

I bet the best you'll get is something along the lines of "we are prepared to forgive you, for your behaviour" in a couple of days and then trying to make out like they are doing you a favour somehow whilst never apologising. They won't back down and agree to talk about it, because that will be admission that they have done something wrong and that would be conceding some power back to you.

You and your dh definitely need to read "Toxic Parents" (free PDF here - it will be very liberating helpful

These sort of demands from grandparents are not normal . You should also have a look at the Stately Homes threads (not sure what number they're up to. Think they're in Relationships and the full titles are something like "But we took you to Stately Homes").

Its definatly a first for FIL to be challenged, me and hubby where talking today and he said he literally cant think of a time, even in teenage years, that he or his brother really challenged or rowed with him about anything and MIL certainly doesn't so this is quite a shock to the old gits system!

It will do him all the good in the world so .
Stay strong OP. I posted at an early stage on the thread to lend you my support and to say YANBU.

Well done OP! I too think you sound awesome.

just one thing though op. Don't forget to pre-warn your friends that you and ILs have had a falling out before they read it on his fb profile. ;)

Only selected this thread because Maryz got mad about it elsewhere and I have to say, having read just the first 15 posts or so, I can see why. Completely bizarre initial responses and the grammar police came out in force. Quite bleak.

Sorry OP, your thread really is of interest to me, but it ignited the isoceles point for me. FWIW, you are right and granddaddy is wrong, imo. There seems to be no mutual respect.

Well done OP, as many others have said this isnt about FaceBook. I really do think you need to hold your ground. Your FiL sounds like a deeply unpleasant character who will always do what he wants and damn the rest of you.

Unfortunately as he gets older he is likely to get worse and not better.

I've just read the full thread and wanted to add my YANBU, and that's from someone who plasters their kids all over Facebook. This is sooooo not about Facebook though.