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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

299 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/06/2014 08:52

I'm going to cut a long story very short Smile

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/06/2014 08:46

patjen - after careful consideration and re-reading your posts I think I'm going to send my DH to live with you, he'd think all his Christmasses had come at once! It means I'd have a lovely tidy house too. Win win. I definitely think we'd both be happier Grin

I don't know what you class as a 'biggish house' but I do find that me being expected to clean it all is just unfair and unrealistic.

OP posts:
BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 13/06/2014 08:47

"If it's only once a week, then she/he will clean the rooms but you'll still have to find an hour or two to do the chores each day."

Well, quite. So maybe you can stop implying the OP is a lazy arse.

And even if cooking did take an hour a day, which it doesn't, that's 7 hours a week of which the DH would be doing 5 and the OP 2, vs 3.5 each if it was 50:50. Gosh, poor DH.

curiousuze · 13/06/2014 08:47

Hey OP, at least your 11 week old just slept for 4.5 hours - that's really not too shabby you know!

tinkerbellvspredator · 13/06/2014 08:49

While DH was a SAHD we not only had a cleaner but DD went to childcare one day a week to give him a break. So I guess we'll join patjen's spreadsheet of lazy fuckers Grin

GoodtoBetter · 13/06/2014 08:57

If she can afford it, why the fuck shouldn't she even if she's not working? If you can afford it and you want a cleaner I say, go for it!

patjen · 13/06/2014 09:05

Because to most people, loading the dishwasher and putting some clothes into the machine is such a simple task (provided they are physically/mentally well, of course) that they would rather not spend their hard-earned cash paying somebody else to do it, that's why.

It's not like paying somebody to do your books if self-employed.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/06/2014 09:09

For the last time patjen - I'm not talking about the menial tasks like washing up and doing the laundry (cleaners don't do that anyway), I'm on about the cleaning of the house!!

OP posts:
Gennz · 13/06/2014 09:11

I doubt anyone here is talking about getting a cleaner to stack the dishwasher patjen. Talk sense.

JackieBrambles · 13/06/2014 09:16

Yeah if she wanted someone to stack the dishwasher and load the machine she'd be talking about getting a housekeeper not a cleaner!

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 13/06/2014 09:17

Get a cleaner! If it makes life more harmonious then it's all to the good. And don't feel guilty. I'm a sahm with school age children and pay to get our ironing done. I'm sure lots of people may tut about that but I really couldn't give a hoot what anyone else thinks. It works for us.

bigbadbarry · 13/06/2014 09:18

I don't see why it is a virtue to clean your own house.
OP, my cleaner costs us less than £30 a week. Assuming your household finances are such that your DH could spend 30 quid without discussing it - all households are different but there is generally a cut-off point for how big a purchase had to be before you talk about it first - then what is the issue?
If you would expect him to discuss a 30 pound spend first then fine, you have discussed it ;)

WillieWaggledagger · 13/06/2014 09:20

the point about most of the daily tasks i listed (hanging out washing, bringing in washing, folding washing, putting away clean clothes, tidying, washing up, stacking dishwasher, unstacking dishwasher, little bits of diy and general maintenance, household admin) is that often these need to be done before any proper cleaning can be tackled, if only to make the place tidy and easy to clean. if you are in a situation where you have only a couple of hours (which according to patjen is enough) to tackle these things, and probably not two continuous hours either, so it's 20mins here, 10 mins there, then your time is taken up with the above daily tasks and there is no opportunity to get started on cleaning the house properly

patjen · 13/06/2014 09:21

Even so, Writer how long does it actually take to clean a house from top-to-bottom? Can't imagine it takes more than three or four hours-and that is being uber fussy.

I really could understand it if you were working a 60-hour week, I really, really could.

A lawyer working long hours has surely justification in hiring a cleaner.

But looking after a healthy baby-provided you are healthy yourself- is not the same as working in a job, where things have to be done at a set time.

You can arrange your hours to suit yourself and babies needs , and babies sleep a lot of the time.

WillieWaggledagger · 13/06/2014 09:22

i suspect caring for some babies takes up more time than 60 hours per week

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/06/2014 09:22

He spends loads more money than me on his social life and leisure activities - I think it's only fair I spend some money to make my life easier Grin

OP posts:
WillieWaggledagger · 13/06/2014 09:22

what should a lawyer on maternity leave do patjen?

AnneElliott · 13/06/2014 09:23

Get a cleaner. Ours is fab and does 2 hours per week. DH wasn't keen but since he's also lazy I didn't give him the optionGrin

patjen · 13/06/2014 09:25

The biggest problem you have, Writer seems to me to be that you and your husband are stubborn people.

If only you could discuss it with him and agree that he does some of the drudge work when you are really, really knackered and he is feeling energetic and vice versa.

I'm afraid getting a cleaner won't solve your problem as he is allergic to fairy liquid.

LightastheBreeze · 13/06/2014 09:27

The thing is if your DH is like mine, and he does sound like it having a cleaner just once a week wouldn't help a lot if it is more the day to day mess that is the problem. Would that have to wait until the cleaner came, or would you still have to do it, or they may have to come quite often therefore costing more.

Actually it is probably a good idea to get the cleaner established whilst on your maternity leave, so that when you go back to work it is all sorted out with the hours and cleaning needs. The cleaner will have settled in to the job without you having to worry to much about it.

Miggsie · 13/06/2014 09:27

I hate cleaning - my cleaner LOVES cleaning, she once told me she prefers the house to be messy so she can feel satisfaction at cleaning it all up.

I am doing her a service letting her clean my house.

Why do something you hate? If both partners hate cleaning then get a cleaner!
I also have a window cleaner and DH pays to get the car valetted as well.

Funny how people frown on people getting cleaners but buy all sorts of processed crap food from the shops to avoid cooking.

Also, I find the 4 hours I spend not cleaning is much better spent with DH in marital friskiness. He much prefers that to me ironing and yelling "hoover the carpet" at him.

WillieWaggledagger · 13/06/2014 09:28

"I'm afraid getting a cleaner won't solve your problem as he is allergic to fairy liquid"

oh i agree with that, a cleaner won't help him pull his weight. the conversations about that still need to happen, regardless of whether the cleaning is contracted out or not

but that's not what you've been saying to the OP is it? you've been saying that actually she has nothing to complain about and she should just buck up and get on with it because he is bringing home the bacon. she's not doing anything useful between 11pm and 1am presumably?

Theodorous · 13/06/2014 09:29

So patjen how is it going in the 1950s? Haven't been back for a while...

Theodorous · 13/06/2014 09:30

Or is it Liz Jones?

whatever5 · 13/06/2014 09:31

I really could understand it if you were working a 60-hour week, I really, really could.

A lawyer working long hours has surely justification in hiring a cleaner.

Apart from the fact that looking after a baby can certainly take much more than 60 hours a week (not including the night awakenings), why on earth would anyone need to "justify" having a cleaner if they can afford it!!!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 13/06/2014 09:32

patjen What is your problem with the OP?! She's adjusting to life as a new mum and feeling unsupported on a practical level from her husband. You don't have to stick the boot in just 'cause it's AIBU, it's not mandatory!