To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm going to cut a long story very short

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

WillieWaggledagger,

but his time is different from her time as it is fixed, her's is not.

She has flexibility, he does not.

Theodorous that's a total red herring and you know it.

If the opening poster was male and his dw was the teacher, I'd say exactly the same thing.

Funnily enough, though, the other posters would no doubt be saying the same as me if it were a male op!

Do you mean Liz Jones who has supported herself financially all her life and never relied on a man? That the one?

How about this for justification? I hate cleaning and I can afford to pay for a cleaner. If someone's happy to take my cash to clean my place, I'm happy to pay them. I don't buy into all this, it's your job as a wife & mother / duty shite.

Definitely best to try to get this house stuff sorted now OP.

I presume you are planning to go back to work? As someone who has just done it, getting yourself organised to go out to work, getting baby organised for nursery, making sure there is food in the house for dinner, dealing with housework and attempting to have some time for yourself is no mean feat.

You'll need to be doing everything 50/50 with your DH then or you'll go insane.

Enjoy the cleaner!

This is the one thing I really miss. We had to cut back, so got rid of the cleaner. DH does not stick to his chore of vacuuming and it drives me mad. He promises to do it, then makes a big deal of it "I have to move stuff out of the way" so I have to try and squeeze it in. Our stairs haven't been vacuumed for two weeks as I'm refusing and he hasn't bothered.

um, but she doesn't have flexibility at all

her time is dictated by how happy/fussy/uncomfortable/clingy the baby is being that day

and when he comes home after his fixed time, she still has the baby to take care of way through the night and again the next day. he may have work-related tasks to do in the evening (my dp is a teacher himself, i am well aware of this), but he is not expected by others to undertake them while also caring for a baby

Even when you've already got a cleaner I mean!

Well then, maybe the opening poster's husband should just quit his job and stop earning cash as he hates this 'getting up in the morning at a set time and teaching snotty teenagers for 8 hours a day', too.

Even so, Writer how long does it actually take to clean a house from top-to-bottom? Can't imagine it takes more than three or four hours-and that is being uber fussy

3 or 4 hours with toddlers in tow is high on impossible.

(As in she won't have a baby forever!)

What is the relevance of Liz Jones "always supporting herself financially and never relying on a man" patjen to this thread patjen? Logic isn't really your strong suit is it?

I mean Liz Jones who sneers at housewives and mothers.

It's good for the economy to provide work to others, if you can afford to do so. That is how the economy grows, and how the country gets wealthier.

I got a cleaner when DS was 2 weeks old, my neighbour was just about to move house, and she was feeling very guilty at reducing the income of her cleaner, so we took K on (had been planning on getting her over to ours anyway, but AM moving prompted the final decision).

She did 2 hours of cleaning, then when I went back to work, she did an extra half hour ironing. She now does 3 hours a week, as that gives her a bit more time to sort things. She is 67, has a basic state pension, as she raised children all her life, and is happy to have extra money each week. I know that as I have chatted with her lots while she works, and one of her jobs doesn't get her round in the holidays as the kids are supposed to do more tasks round the house, and K misses the income in the holidays. I think she is also happy to have an excuse to escape the grandkids!

It doesn't mean that I do nothing round the house, there are more than enough tasks to fill the days and weekend, but importantly I get about an hour's rest each day, and I get to spend quality time with my children.

Well then, maybe the opening poster's husband should just quit his job and stop earning cash as he hates this 'getting up in the morning at a set time and teaching snotty teenagers for 8 hours a day', too.

Housework isn't the OP's job though. She's on (paid) maternity leave to look after her new baby, not do housework.

Funnily enough, though, the other posters would no doubt be saying the same as me if it were a male op!

That's not true at all.

Yeah there is a reason they give you maternity leave - it takes time to a) get over having a baby and b) when they are small they take loads of looking after!! Its not like you are sitting around drinking G&Ts all day.

Good for you on hiring a cleaner, OP. If you can afford to pay the cleaner a good rate there is no reason why you shouldn't. Our cleaner revolutionised our lives and there is nothing better than coming home to an immaculate house.

Applies for position of laziest slattern on MN

We have a cleaner and we don't have ANY children to look after. In fact, technically I work part-time (though I do freelance work). We could do the cleaning ourselves but we can afford to get help. Modern life allows us to choose our conveniences- you could just as easily criticise the OP for buying bread rather than making it "Gosh, you're at home all day? Why don't you make bread? It's not really that much effort and would save you soooooo much money." Having a cleaner is another choice, albeit with more of a financial impact than bread :P . If you don't want to hire a cleaner, fine. Don't try to make someone else guilty.

Having a cleaner works well for us. I am able to focus on my freelancing and writing. DP works long hours and does not want to spend his weekends cleaning. Instead we get those hours back to do other things. Our cleaner also appreciates the money!

Oh my goodness, do you know there are women in the third world who look after small babies AND do back-breaking work on top? Sometimes involving walking 20 miles a day?

Yet the op is complaining that keeping a house clean is impossible.

It's just silly really. Millions of healthy women (not superwomen at all) have had healthy babies (I absolutely accept that if baby or mum disabled in some way it is different) and kept a tidy house on top of it.

It's like, 'well baby is asleep so I'll put a wash on now'

I thought women were multi-taskers, lol.

Well she's not in the third world. A lot of unpalatable shit happens in the third world.

"It's like, 'well baby is asleep so I'll put a wash on now'"

But she's still going to do that?

She's not going to say 'Phew, baby is asleep, I'll call the cleaner to put a wash on'. The cleaner will only come once a week!

But patjen the DH was a lazy fecker before baby came along. So why should OP pick up the slack now? He will still be lazy when she goes back to work.

My DH is home by 4pm every day. He will cuddle DS a bit and change his nappy when I ask him to but the care of the baby is still left to me.

DH sits on the sofa for 3-4 hours (taking a quick break to get me/him something to eat) but that is it. He will then help me bath baby at 8pm and whilst I'm with the baby, usually for 2 hours feeding him and trying to settle him, my DH is downstairs watching more TV.

So he is home in an evening for 6 hours, 4-5 of that is his free time.
Why shouldn't he be doing some housework in that time?
I certainly don't get 4-5 hours of free time.

His job takes up 7.5 hours a day, mine is takes up 24 hours with some sleep in between.

At times I have been downstairs at gone 10.30pm doing some cleaning because I just don't know if I will get the chance to do it the next day. He knows full well the steriliser and the cat litter tray needs changing every night but it's still me getting up to do it once DS is asleep.

He still has time to go to the gym, see his friends, go to the pub etc - when do I have the chance to do this?

I don't mind doing the washing up and laundry as I have repeatedly said, but when it comes to cleaning the house (which is a 3 storey one) I don't have time to do it all whilst caring for the baby, I just don't. And nor you'll I have to. If that makes me a crap wife or lazy woman patjen then fair enough, you think that.

When I read the OP I thought this was a no brainer YANBU.

Can't believe some posters have found a way to make it a bun fight!

OP, get the cleaner if you can afford it! Why the hell not?

Put a wash on? That sounds awfully lazy. Many third world women don't have washing machines. OP should take her clothes down to the river and give them a good thrashing.

YANBU, and your DH has a nerve even trying to argue against it when he does nothing round the house. It won't solve the problem of his laziness but at least it will make your life a bit easier.

Patjen your posts are increasingly bizarre, and I can only think that it must be because you decided to be contrary for the sake of it and have backed yourself into a bit of a corner now.

oversome - I don't have a river nearby, but there are some puddles when it rains, will that do?