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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

299 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/06/2014 08:52

I'm going to cut a long story very short Smile

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 12/06/2014 09:32

With an eleven-week old baby, feel no guilt whatsoever at getting any help you need, OP! And enjoy chilling out while order is restored!

AnnieLobeseder · 12/06/2014 09:34

Joysmum - if your DH wants a cleaner and you don't, it seems very unfair that you then expect him to do the work that he'd rather outsource. You can't make a unilateral decision that he needs to do housework he doesn't want to do because you don't want a cleaner!

weegiemum · 12/06/2014 09:38

I have one and she's brilliant. Not so much just a cleaner in my case, she does laundry, changes beds, pretty much anything we need done. I'm disabled and dh works long hours, we have 3 "helpful" ( Hmm ) dc and it means that our free time is actually free!

She charges £10/hr and I have her 5-6 hours a week, which is more than most people need I reckon but as I'm physically incapacitated a lot of the time, I need the extra support.

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/06/2014 09:48

I had a cleaner for years; it was only when moving to part time working last year that I had to lose her [wails in the corner].

Two hours, once a fortnight - £12 an hour. So less than £50 a month. Brilliant value.

Get one!

CrispyFB · 12/06/2014 09:53

Do it! We FINALLY got one just before DC4 was born in early March after I'd been wanting one for years. Sure, we still have to tidy, but actually that gets us both motivated to keep on top of things instead of procrastinating and then it getting out of hand.

As a result we now have a home we don't mind people dropping round to unannounced, and we can feel confident it's hygienically clean. So glad we have one now!

(I won't lie, I feel horrendously guilty when they're here as does DH and so we always go out, but it's wonderful to come back to a clean home!)

Bettercallsaul1 · 12/06/2014 09:53

I understand Joysmum's point of view with regard to the inclusiveness of a cleaner which is why I would never have one personally. (Plus my puritanical tendencies which would make me want to go round to the cleaner's house and clean hers in return!)

However, in the OP's case, she does want one - and she is the one being left with all the cleaning and an eleven-week old baby - so she is fully justified.

Bettercallsaul1 · 12/06/2014 09:55

Sorry, that should have read intrusiveness, not inclusiveness.

Amilionmilesaway · 12/06/2014 09:58

A cleaner wouldn't be the solution in our house. It's tidying the house that's the problem and I understand we have to sort that ourselves? Damn!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 12/06/2014 10:01

The Representative for my area is coming to do a quote on Monday afternoon!!

YAY! Smile

With this company they don't have an hourly rate, the cost is dependent on what jobs we want doing.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 12/06/2014 10:02

But having a cleaner makes you tidy up more often so it is less of a problem. Win-win...

DickDasterdly · 12/06/2014 10:05

I pay £10 an hour plus double pay on bank holidays if she wants to work or normal pay if she wants the day off (her choice but she always comes in) I give her £150 at Christmas. I am very flexible if she wants to travel back to Poland. She is lovely and professional. She is the same age as me but I don't feel any embarrassment and I'm sure she doesn't either.

Bettercallsaul1 · 12/06/2014 10:19

Amilionmilesaway - That's another good reason why a cleaner wouldn't work for me. I often find that the de-cluttering before cleaning takes at least as long as the cleaning itself!

StandsOnGoldenSands · 12/06/2014 10:29

My ex partner was like this. Having a cleaner was against his principles apparently. Me working my arse off full time and then having to skivvy around cleaning up his mess all the time obviously wasn't against his principles though. He never lifted a finger.

I got a cleaner against his wishes. He grew to like it, after she'd finished each week I'd catch him admiring how nice the house was.

Gennz · 12/06/2014 10:45

Do it! Ours comes for 2 hours a week and does floors, bathrooms, vaccuming, it is so worth it. She came today and the house is spotless. Because it's done regularly it never gets too dirty either. I'm a bit like your DH, I tend to not really see things until they are really messy - I tidy but don't do things like floors etc. DH isn't bad at domestic stuff but basically we would leave it say 4 weeks and bathrooms would get really gungy and gross, wooden floors would get dusty etc. Now the house never really has a chance to get very dirty as she's in every week. Cleaning arguments have disappeared and what takes her 2 hours would probably wreck one day of the weekend for us (what with having the chores hanging over you, finally forcing yourself to do them etc etc). Think of it as buying yourself out of arguments/free time/nice home environment. Bargain!

HamAndPlaques · 12/06/2014 10:49

Do it. We hired ours when I was on mat leave and I wish we'd done it years ago. I know that my MIL and SIL judge me for it but it just can't bring myself to care.

If you pay a decent wage and you make it easier for him / her to clean by tidying in advance then you have nothing to feel guilty about.

TheGrinchWearsStripes · 12/06/2014 10:52

I have a shrine to our cleaner, at which I worship daily.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 12/06/2014 11:03

I just spoke to DH on the phone to inform him.

"Hi sweetheart, just letting you know we are getting a cleaner."
"What?"
"we are getting a cleaner."
"Why?"
"because I've had enough of you not cleaning."
"How much will it cost?"
"I don't know! It depend what I want done"
"And what do you want done?"
"Everything!"

......long silence followed....

".....but....."
"But what sweetheart?"

......another long silence.....

"nothing. Doesn't matter."
"Good. It's agreed then!"

Grin
OP posts:
WandaDoff · 12/06/2014 11:41

He sounds like a sensible guy Wink

AnnieLobeseder · 12/06/2014 11:47

Well done OP! I'm glad he saw sense.

Bettercallsaul1 · 12/06/2014 12:56

He must have heard the determination in your voice and realised that resistance was futile...

whatsagoodusername · 12/06/2014 13:04

Grin Very sensible of him.

Just don't let him take the credit when he realises what a brilliant idea it was!

Tangerinefairy · 12/06/2014 13:22

Don't worry about it OP, just do it if you can afford it. DW got someone to do her ironing. She has loads of smart work stuff that needs alot of ironing. She works away, doesn't have alot of time, I'm crap at it and she felt bad asking me so she got a company to do it. I felt guilty. I don't now, it's brilliant, she is happy, they are happy, I am happy!

tinkerbellvspredator · 12/06/2014 13:32

DH was opposed to getting a cleaner but didn't really explain why. Once I went ahead anyway he said he had thought it would be really expensive and actually it wasn't and getting the whole house clean every week was brilliant.

patjen · 12/06/2014 13:40

I don't know to be honest. It would very much depend on the circumstances. If you are both working outside the home PLUS looking after a small baby then Yes absolutely get one.

If you've got a baby that is sadly ill in some way, then yes absolutely get one.

But to be honest if your task is just to look after a healthy young baby then if I were your dh I would be really miffed that you couldn't clean the place yourself.

I mean, really, unless you live in a MASSIVE house that requires cleaning all the time, how many hours does it take to clean a house a week?

A thorough clean say 6 hours a week? Plus an hour or two the rest of time for essentials?

I'd think you were taking the pee to be honest. Countless women have kept a clean house and looked after a healthy young baby.

RhiWrites · 12/06/2014 13:41

Excellent.

After all, you've tried it his way. Now it's time to try something else.