To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm going to cut a long story very short

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

I'm with you patjen and I have a 2 month old daughter.

It isn't a sexist thing at all. It doesn't take me THAT long to clean our house and DH is a messy sod! Also, and at the risk of sounding frightfully naice, it's a big house with a fair bit of land attached to it.

I have cleaned the kitchen including washing up (thanks DH) putting the washing machine on, cleaning surfaces and mopping the floor.

I will go to the other extreme and say that if I was working full time, cooking and then my SAH husband TOLD me we were getting a cleaner, I'd actually be pretty concerned. A cleaner is a fair slice out of a teachers salary and I know, I used to be a teacher.

At the moment, yes, it is his fair share.

Once you go back to work, you demand 50/50 and I would in this case agree with you 100%.

I really think you need tips on household organisation. I really do., because in a household of three reasonably healthy people and with labour-saving devices, it really should not take more than an hour or two to clean a house each day.

He sounds brilliant willie - fancy swapping?

If I had a cleaner when the dc were smaller I'd have enjoyed that time with them a lot more. Instead I was continually stressed trying to fit everything in: their need, household and mine. For me personally it was too much. But I axcept that there are others like patjen who might be more irganised and better at that who might find it not so hard. What's the big deal? Why the need to be so judgeypants?

depends where you are in the country. a cleaner will charge less, and household expenditure will be less generally, in many areas outside the south east, so a teacher's salary will go further

sorry writer it sounded like a boast, but i was just trying to illustrate that i didn't think that your expectations were unreasonable!

Also patjen, lol at 'only rich people have friends over for lunch'. Wtaf. Do you have to pay people to come over or something?

Is it really that hard to understand that some people don't gaf about doing their own cleaning. What sort of sad ambition is that.

I've been demanding 50/50 for 4 years!!
It hasn't happened and never will.

He is full of empty promises and thinks I will just sit back and take it.
If you think that's fine patjen then good for you! but I'm sick of him taking for granted that I am going to do everything for ever more.

I guess we can't all be a Wonder Woman like you are.....
I bow down to yours, your mothers and your grandmothers perfection and admit that obviously I'm a lesser woman than you all.

And mine and my DH's joint income is perfectly adequate enough to have a cleaner for all those who seem concerned about this.

@ curioussuze.

I don't have a cleaner but at the same time I can't understand why some people think it's so virtuous to do your own cleaning rather than hire someone else.

I also find the idea that everyone should do a "four hour deep clean" when you have a small baby totally laughable. I never got more than half an hour to do anything when dd1 was a baby and I used that to do the washing/have a rest. It was much easier when I had dd2 and I think that people who have had easy babies think they're all like that. It's also much easier to get the housework done now that the children are older even though I have a job. I still wouldn't clean if I hated it though unless we really couldn't afford it. Why would you?

There seem to be more and more posts about partners saying no and having the final say. More and more sexist crap on mainstream tv and reality women telling us to be pretty and submissive. Are we sliding backwards? Time for another revolution I think. Come back Germaine, all is forgiven. Yes to the cleaner by the way. I have been both cleaner and employer and loved both.

Surely if it is the case that both of them have neither the desire nor the skills (!), then spending the cash on getting in a professional is the most obvious option.

Do it, op. Cheaper than a divorce.

It's more frustrating because I actually don't mind cleaning and am quite house proud - if I wasn't then I wouldn't be getting a cleaner. Prior to living with DH I lived on my own for 2 years and loved it, my place was spotless.

I've found it very hard having to live with someone who just isn't the same as me in that respect. I do resent the fact that I do 90% of the cleaning and he will only do the bare minimum and only do it if I nag, nag and nag. It isn't fair and I've had enough.

Many years ago when I went to university I moved in with my dad (parents are divorced and he lived on the city where my Uni was) and in the first week of me moving in with him he sacked his cleaner I think that demonstrate pretty well what some men expect a woman's role to be in the household....

My DH said we didn't need a cleaner either. "The house isn't that bad" he would declare.

Yes, that is because I clean it.

We now have a cleaner once a week and it is BRILLIANT. Can only recommend. DH and probably argue 50 percent less.

I'm pregnant again and all going well, will be off 6 months with 3 small kids. Do you think I'm going to ditch my cleaner because I have "more" time on my hands. NO WAY!

I wouldn't say we are well off but it's how I choose to spend my cash. Each to their own.

PS I'm fascinated to learn that only the rich and retired have friends over for lunch. How utterly bizarre. My pals often swing by for soup and sandwich if we are off on mat leave. I had no idea this was "entitled"

Plus i remember having lunch breaks at work and going down to the cafe or to the park or wherever with work colleagues or with a book and just enjoy the hour. Guilt free. So having friends for lunch in not a big deal imo. Especially when the wohp can often go for a pint or whatever after work, for the sahm there's no end of the shift. I am not comparing the two just highlighting some aspects that patjen overlooked.

Writer when you were working you had every right to be peed off.

As for lesser women, that's just silly; they were just ordinary women who managed to fit in an hour or two of housework a day that fitted around when baby slept.

I thought your dh did nothing but it's not true, is it? He cooks 3/4 of the time. Cooking takes at least an hour a day.

OP get the cleaner! I am jealous - we can't afford one. Don't need it so much now (I work part time, DS is older and has more predictable naps, my DH works night shift and gets lots of days off so he cleans then) but when DS was little I'd have loved not to bother my arse with scrubbing the bog when I could have been snuggling my baby. Enjoy your little baby, your rest, your happy marriage and your clean hoose!

Exactly iwalk - DH was put with his friends for 4 hours last night whilst I was at home with a baby that screamed until 10pm I finally fell asleep at about 23.30pm and the up again at 04.15 and have been awake since then.

After DH had been out for his lovely night he stayed in the room with me until DS woke up and then went to the spare room for another 3 hours of sleep.

And now I'm knackered and according to patjen I have got to find two hours of my time to do the housework when all I really want to do is sleep

My husbands version of cooking doesn't take an hour a day still all - it usually involves putting things straight from the freezer into the oven, making me a sandwich or using his George Forman Grill for 10 minutes to cook himself some chicken

He will cook something from scratch maybe once a week.

Maybe I used to work 'cooking incorrectly....when really I should have said that he just makes sure I'm fed

And you should see the state of his George Forman Grill - just disgusting. He never washes it. The same with the microwave....another kitchen appliance I don't get to use because of how filthy he makes it with his exploding dinners but refuses to clean it!

i don't have children and dp and i easily do 1-2 hours of housework between us a day

hanging out washing, bringing in washing, folding washing, putting away clean clothes, tidying, washing up, stacking dishwasher, unstacking dishwasher, little bits of diy and general maintenance, household admin, gardening and watering plants, some spot-cleaning between the cleaner's weekly visit etc etc

all that is basic stuff required in addition to the work a cleaner would do. i can imagine that with a small baby (depending on its personality and individual needs) it would be a struggle to fit that in with naps etc, without even starting on the work my cleaner does

but none of this matters given that the op has considerably less free time than her h, and htat is not fair. a cleaner would go some way to redressing that balance (though doesn't solve the problem of him being a lazy so-and-so during his time off)

Patjen you sound very odd.

I am going on maternity leave in November with my first child. Our brilliant cleaner will still come for 2 hours a week. I am taking leave from my job as senior lawyer to care for my child, not to be a drudge. If the baby IS a good sleeper (crosses fingers and toes) I will use that time to catch up with work/read a book/go for a walk, whatever. I won't be using that time to clean. I've worked my arse off for years so that we could be in this position. If writer is spolit and entitled, so am I. I couldn't give a shit.

You do realise that your marriage won't be any happier if you get a cleaner, though?

If it's only once a week, then she/he will clean the rooms but you'll still have to find an hour or two to do the chores each day.

Perhaps you need a full-time maid?

Oh Writer do it, do it, do it!

I’ve got a 16 month old and am now back at work but I think we got our cleaner when my DS was about 6 weeks old.
Best. Thing. Ever.

She came once a week to our 3 bed flat and did 3 hours (we pay £10 an hour in London). We’ve now moved and she does an hour more because we’re in a house now so we’ve a few extra/bigger rooms.

It meant that whilst I was on mat leave I could not worry about faffing around cleaning when my baby slept and instead, er, sleep when he slept?! (considering I was up breastfeeding every 3-4 hours all day/night).

Also, when you’ve got an 11 week old that needs holding/feeding constantly, you need to do stuff like shower and eat when they sleep, not mop the ruddy floor and hoover!

There’s still plenty of housework that you can’t outsource unless your cleaner lives with you (putting washing on/hanging it out, folding etc, washing up). It's just the big stuff like cleaning the bathroom/hoovering etc that they do. Ours changes the beds which is fab, I hate that job!!

Trust me, when you start weaning and all the hellish mess that creates (constant high chair cleaning/food prep etc) you’ll be so grateful for the cleaner!

Do it do it do it

Mine charges £10 p/hr and does 2hrs every other week.
There's only me and DH, I'm quite tidy, him less so
The house is never dirty and I love coming home to a clean house

I do tidy up a bit before she comes and put things away, because I'd rather pay her to clean, than move things so she can clean!

To me £40 a month isn't worth the stress/arguments and it frees up my precious weekends

I recommend going out while they do it if you can, you'll only be in their way

I had a cleaner/ironer when I lived in Cyprus.

I worked from 0600 to 1700 Mondays and 0600 - 1300 Tue-Fri.
DH was a SAHD
DD went to Pre-School 1030-1300

My cleaner came and did 2 hours cleaning every Monday and 2 hours ironing/cleaning every Wednesday.

She was fabulous. She became a friend and used to stay in our home with her sister every time we went back to UK (she lived in a very cramped flat, so enjoyed having a 'holiday' at ours). She loved DD to bits and used to bring her little sweets and presents. I've kept in touch with her since we left.

Having a cleaner meant that I could spend more time with DD, and actually enjoy her. It also meant I could spend more time on elaborate healthy meals for us all rather than the very traditional meat and two veg meals I was used to making. It meant we could go to the waterpark or beach as soon as I finished work, or up to the Dog Rescue to play with the puppies.

It also meant that DH was actually spending quality time with his daughter rather than cleaning up behind her. DD has great memories of our time in Cyprus and the daft things she used to do with her dad (full body painting, going on treasure hunts, playing 'ducks' in the pool, visiting the ice-cream man and being allowed to use the machine, putting on Plays at the Corium Amphitheatre)

I still used to do the washing up and clothes washing every day, and run the hoover over, mop the floor, feather dust the living areas and sweep outside on a Friday.

It was bliss and i'd do it all again tomorrow. Much better than the first 6 months of her life that were absolute hell.