To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm going to cut a long story very short

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

Similar position here. Resistance for years - my Mum partly went back to work when I was a child just to get a cleaner, his Mum cleans everything all of the time to showhome standards. Within four weeks, DH was saying "why didn't we do this years ago?"

dagger looks

You don't need to justify getting a cleaner. You can spend your money on what you want to spend it on. Obviously it is your DH's money too but presumably he doesn't have to get your agreement before he spends a relatively small amount of money so I don't see why you need to get his agreement for a cleaner.

Getting a cleaner saved my marriage. Fact.

I don't understand all these people who are so willing to martyr themselves on the altar of domestic slavery but hey ho. Whatever floats your boat. If you can afford one, get one.

Yes I presume your DH will be at work when the cleaner comes so it won't affect him, I could understand him not wanting one if he was there when they come but I guess you'll arrange it for when he's at work.

How ignorant to think all babies are the same. Some don't sleep much, feed all the time, don't want to be put down.

Hope the cleaner works out for you OP.

I have been up since 4.15am with the baby and I am exhausted

I've got 3 friends coming for lunch who I haven't seen for a long time, two of them haven't met DS yet.

All I want to do is go back to bed but know I can't because the housework needs doing in preparation for my friends arriving

The Cleaner can't come quick enough!!

AnnieLobesder, I don't really care so much; it's amazement more than anything.

This is not a woman who works full-time who has dc's-in which it would be totally 'yeah get a cleaner, you work hard and can afford it'.

I think some here haven't read the posts properly and think that is the case.

Or, sadly, somebody who is ill and whose baby is ill who needs the extra help.

This is a healthy woman with a healthy baby who has the good fortune of being able to look after it herself who is moaning that she doesn't like the washing-up.

If I were her dh, you know what I would do?

I'd say: 'Tell you what, you go and teach spotty teenaged kids who take the pee everyday because I cannot stand getting up at 7am everyday with no option not to do so and I'll spend two hours a day on chores'

That would be such an easy deal he might actually do the chores. Lol.

In any case, you admitted a few pages back that you didn't mind doing chores whilst on maternity leave.

The OP seems very spoilt.

I thought her dh was a millionaire to start with, but he is a teacher and she is not earning; don't see how can a cleaner can be justifiably afforded, really and I'd be arguing with her over this if I were her dh.

Where have you assumed I'm not earning? My Maternity Package is actually very good.

And like I said, in the 13 weeks my DH gets off a year for the school breaks he still does fu*k all. It's me who then goes to work each day but still has to do the housework!!

You seem to think my DH is this very hard done by chap when really he's lazy, always has been, who is quite happy for me to do all the housework because he can't be arsed.

Yes, I'm really spoilt for saying I'm not taking it anymore.

I'm a SAHM and I have a cleaner. Don't feel guilty at all. I want to spend my time with DS, not cleaning. Plus I am bad at cleaning and don't notice the dirt (a la Quentin Crisp). DS is a poor sleeper and gets up early, so when he naps, I nap, not clean the house.

My cleaner is fantastic. Came through recommendation (she's not agency) and totally trustworthy. She usually comes when we are still napping so let's herself in quietly and gets on with it. We usually go out for the last hour though (she comes for 2hrs/week @£10/hr) so she can do the floors without us getting in the way. She also comes whilst we are travelling and it's great to come back to a clean house.

Some agencies can be hit or miss. We had an agency cleaner when my cleaner was on maternity leave and they were mostly ok but occasionally sent a girl who had no idea.

The bit where you said you had friends coming over for lunch made me laugh; how many people have the luxury of friends coming to lunch on a friday afternoon? Apart from the rich and retired or on holiday.

Now it is good that sahps do this; don't get me wrong, it's great, however, you know, they usually accept that they may have to do a few hours drudge work first.

I can only think that you have no housework skills at all; no sarcasm meant-some don't. I mean, realistically, it's an hour or two tops to load the washing machine and do the washing-up.

Rather than get a cleaner, why not set up a timetable for a 4-hour deep clean of the entire house once a week and spend an hour or two once a day from then on?

Your dh cooks 75% of the time-that's enough 'housework' for him at the moment.

Apart from the rich and retired or on holiday

Ahh, that explains it. Ignore now OP, she's jealous. That's why she's coming across as so peevish. It doesn't matter what you say, how much attention your baby needs or how tired you are. She's not going to listen because she doesn't want you to have what she can't have.

Life is too short to clean your own skirting boards - hope the assessment goes well Wanabeewriter and that you've employed a cleaner by this time last week.

Oh patjen, why do you give so much of a fuck? Green eyed monster perhaps? Your comments are extremely twatty.

I used to have a similar attitude as Patjen and I agree that unless the house is massive, it is do-able.

Getting a cleaner doesn't solve the problem of the "man of the house" thinking he doesn't have to do housework, or get rid of these gender role stereotypes to our children.

Personally I'd boot my partners arse into touch (or any other adult that I share my home with).

However people need work, hiring a cleaner is giving someone a job, so I'm all for it, for that reason, al

Actually, I am not jealous at all. I'd like to be the sort of woman who cleans her own house, works full-time and has dc's. I fall short, but that's the ideal.

(In fact I did have a cleaner at one point, but I was working full-time and had a child under 4 so what the hell I got one. I couldn't, realistically, be in a position where I was at home and could fit in an hour or two between feeds/sleeping like somebody who didn't work.)

Not somebody who moans that it's too hard for them to spend one or two hours cleaning a day.

Sorry, alone.

Patjen, not everyone works 9-5, as a former night worker it's annoying for others to assume you aren't working because you are about in the day.

My older DD and her DP work shifts, her neighbours make comments about their lifestyle before my DD told them straight about their shift work.

patjen - you are really starting to Iris's me off now. I didn't realise that because I'm on maternity it means I'm not allowed to see my friends for 9 months. Does that apply to my husband too? Or just me because I'm the spoilt princess at home all day?

I wash up every day! I'm not on about DH not doing just the washing up and laundry - housework consists of a lot more than that in my eyes!

Your posts are laughable - they really are.

Are you telling me that my behaviours attitude over the last 4 years is fine??

He promised me things would change when the baby came - and they haven't. I said unless he helped me more around the house then we'd be getting a Cleaner and he said that he would change. He hasn't changed in any way, shape or form. Do you want me to just say, "that's ok dear, don't worry, I will keep on doing it anyway."

That is supposed to say you are really starting to piss me off.

the OP isn't a sahm. she's on maternity leave

not that it makes any difference from my pov when it comes to deciding whether to get a cleaner, only criterion is whether you can afford it

given that he has decided to completely abdicate responsibility for household chores, the op is well within her rights to contract out if they as a family can afford it

that said, i would want him to buck his ideas up pretty soon. i don't really think it's the op's responsibility to change him though, sounds like she's put enough energy into that already

It is do-able, women (and now men) have managed it for years. My mother managed it, my grandmother managed it. And I always recall the house being tidy.

Realistically, with labour -saving devices, keeping your average home tidy takes no more than an hour or two each day if you are at home all day with perhaps a morning or afternoon of cleaning house top-to-bottom once a week.

I think the dh already does his fair share by doing 3/4 of the cooking, tbh.

Think the op should go over to 'good housekeeping' for some tips. Perhaps once she establishes a routine, she'll feel calmer.

So of all the housework duties that need doing in a house, the fact DH does 75% of the cooking is his fair share?

I wonder if you're my DH's ex-girlfriend.....

Of course you should be allowed to see your friends! Just most women who have the luxury of doing this on a weekday usually suck up the fact that they spend an hour or two on housework beforehand.

You come across as entitled and incredibly spoilt.

Your dh has my sympathy.

OP - your husband has took the piss long enough. If he won't do his share and you can afford it then get someone in to do his share.

Too often women do more of the house stuff and child stuff than men even when both are working. Don't feel guilty about not being a drudge.

op just for perspective, my dp is also a teacher. i work full time, and give it a few years and we will likely be in exactly the same position (him a teacher, me on maternity leave when the time comes for us to have a child).

he, like your h i'm sure, has much more holiday than i do (nearly three times as much). he works very hard during term time, but still pulls his weight at home. during the holidays more so, because there are often weeks when i am working and he is not. he goes away with friends occasionally too of course, and does spend quite a lot of time on marking, prep etc during holiday time, but he also takes on a greater proportion of the household chores at that time so that we can spend leisure time together in the evening.

we don't have children yet, but i would hope that this attitude would not change during the months of ML that i would take

So I've slaved after my lazy DH for 4 years yet you sympathise with him?