To tell DH that we ARE getting a cleaner - no excuses anymore.

[Writerwannabe83]

I'm going to cut a long story very short

I have suggested getting a cleaner to my DH numerous times because I'm absolutely sick of everything being left to me. He will sometimes really surprise me and go on a cleaning frenzy but it is very, very rare. I'd say of the day-to-day stuff it's usually all left to me. The only job he seems to think doing is the hoovering and even the. I have to ask him to do it.

He's somewhere between the 'not seeing mess' kind of guy and the guy who just can't be arsed. I'm just tired of it.

Whenever I have suggested a cleaner he has always said we don't need one, we aren't paying out for someone to clean the house when we can do it ourselves. I find it very ironic that he uses the word 'we' in this sentence. He makes empty promises about how he will help, blah, blah, blah, but nothing gets done. His favourite sentences are, "I will do it later." and "I will do it tomorrow." I'm tired of nagging him and fighting over it.

We have an 11 week old DS and when I was pregnant I told him that thongs would have to change when the baby came - but despite his assurances nothing has. I'm sick of looking at a dirty, messy house and feeling like it's down to me to sort it. Whenever DS is asleep I find myself doing housework, I never get any time off and I'm sick of it.

So I have decided that enough identify. I don't care how much it costs, all I know is that things have to change. I'm not doing it anymore!!

I will be ringing the company later to arrange a free valuation of our cleaning costs (for a one off big clean and also a regular thing) and DH is just going to have to like it! Decision has been made as far as I'm concerned!

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

*Funky Remind me where I said "Writer, you can not have a cleaner!"
Oh, that's right, I didn't!
*

Fairy - you said 'So he works full time as a teacher and does 75% of the cooking and you still want a cleaner? '. Why are you shocked at this?

The OP is a grown up and is more than capable of making that decision without your pretend shock that she should want a cleaner.

patjen - I am baffled as to why you're so emotionally invested in whether the OP has a cleaner or not. It wouldn't matter if the OP had no children, no job and lived in a bedsit - if she chooses not to do her own cleaning, WTAF shouldn't she not do the cleaning? You're acting as if the cleaner's salary is coming out of your own pocket. Why do you care so much whether someone cleans their own house or not?

I'm on the fence with this. If he hasn't been helping before then yes get a cleaner so he can see in dollar amounts how much your cleaning is worth. When DH worked from home he kept the house very tidy. I'm home with a baby and it's gone to shit. I blame the baby, but really, I'm just not good at house work. I stare at the mess and it's an uphill battle to motivate myself to tidy up or do dishes instead of taking a nap while baby does. So I do appreciate a clean house, and all the work that goes in it.

We talked about how if I found a job he'd be happy to man the company at home with baby and pick up the house work again.

But the flip side is that he is appreciative of me cleaning up his dishes after he cooks now. He used to have full reign of the kitchen but now that he works outside the home instead of me he doesn't have time to do dishes. I do them (or at least try) while he's working, because it's unfair to expect him to do dishes, watch baby, and cook dinner when he gets home from a long day. Baby duty is non-negotiable, I need a break when he gets home, so I do dishes to take some of the workload off him.

The OP asked for opinions so I gave mine, or are only who those who agree with her allowed to now?

It's not pretend shock that she would want a cleaner, I am shocked.

The thing I would feel about having a cleaner, if I was there all day, is I would feel not very relaxed when they were doing the cleaning, a bit like when workmen come to do stuff at your house.

So would you just sit there and watch TV while they were flitting about or feel you had to go out and let them get on, which could be more inconvenient than its worth

If you were at work all day then this would not occur. This is just my views though, and perhaps other people feel relaxed with people working in their home.

So would you just sit there and watch TV while they were flitting about

Judging by the OPs posts, I don't think she spends much time lying on the sofa watching trashy tv eating cake when her DH is at work.

When I was at home with a baby, when the cleaner came round I was doing laundry or cooking or trying to get some sleep or beast feeding or sorting out the next size up clothes or one of the other hundred of jobs that are extra with a baby or just harder due to sleep deprivation.

Someone cleaning your toilet once a week doesn't make all the other stuff disappear.

OP it would be mean to stop the cleaner from doing his bathroom.

Breast feeding not beast feeding. FFS. it felt like that pretty often though

Slightly worried about how lazy I might feel if I have people cleaning my house whilst I'm chilling out and watching the TV though....

Didn't sound like the op was going to just have someone in doing her toilet once a week, she was on about constant mess, I don't think 2 hours a week will remedy that.

Oh OP, before I got to the cooking part of your post I was wondering if you were talking about my husband, especially when he says "Leave them, I'll do it" when I start doing the dishes.

I folded towels the other day and jumpers I'd washed. I sat them on the freezer (near the dryer) and they didn't move. Then I noticed one of the jumpers had been taken, but the towels hadn't. I'd washed, why must I also fold and put away?

I cook, why must I also do the dishes (ALL the dishes, not just the pots and pans)?

He vacuumed the other day. I was de-shedding the dogs and asked him to get it out. He then proceeded to vacuum each room. I sat there dumbfounded, been a while... think he thought the vacuum cleaner didn't work with Y chromosomes.

It's extremely frustrating and we both work similar hours (he starts a little earlier), but it's like he has this mess blindspot. Horrifies me for when we have kids. Dogs are bad enough with dragging their toys around... okay I should stop. I'm getting all ranty.

GET A CLEANER and I will sit here jealous at all of you and dream...

Well when DH came home from work he mentioned the cleaner and asked how much I was willing to spend a month - I said I didn't know and would just wait for the valuation.

I've wanted a cleaner for the last 3 years - just because I'm now a SAHP for 9 months that doesn't mean suddenly I'm prepared to do everything around the house.

One of the things that really annoys me is if I put some washing on I will then put it on the clothes horse and I purposefully wait and see if DH would take them off when they have dried. I don't think he has ever done it. The longest I have left it for before doing it myself is 5 days. He will walk past the clothes horse and pick something off it if he needs it but it would never in a million years even occur to him to take all the clothes off and fold them etc.

Grr!!!

Once, I was so fed up of his crap lying everywhere I just threw it all in a black bin bag and shoved it in the spare room. That was months ago and I still don't think he's noticed

When I clean the kitchen I wash up dry up, put everything away, clean the sink and draining boards, clean the tops of the units, clean the hob and then sweep the floor.

Surely that's just basic ?

Why is it that a man's version of cleaning the kitchen starts and ends with just doing the washing up?!

Unfortunately a lot of men just don't see or care about stuff laying about, putting stuff away, or the finer points of cleaning. You only have to look in the average mans garage or shed to see that and in you're case his bathroom. I speak from experience of my DH. I have to do lists of stuff to do because it's not really on his radar, if I didn't, he wouldn't do any cleaning, putting away etc.

If I do a list he does it though and ticks it off as he goes along.

I'm shocked that you have allowed him to get away with it for 4 years.

My Ex -H was a bit like yours in the first 6 months of us living together. I got sick of it, so drew up a list of my jobs and his jobs, presented it to him and told him to get on with it or ship out. There was no negotiation at that point.

He's not my ex because he didn't do the cleaning btw.

As parents, we should all make sure our children, especially our boys to learn how to clean, cook and iron etc, so we are not inflicting lazy arse husbands on others in the future.

If you want to get a cleaner, go for it.

This is so familiar. I could have written the post about the clothes horse and kitchen cleaning.

That's the problem lucy - I've listened to his empty promises for too long now. I'm sick of him saying he will do something and then not. I've just well and truly had enough. I honestly don't know why I've let it go on for so long but it's crazy how time just passes you by.

He knows I'm serious this time though otherwise he'd have moaned about the Cleaner and he hasn't

If it is you DH money and you have no money of your own then you shouldn't get a cleaner.

Well then Spagbols, on that logic she shouldn't be cleaning up his shit.
If we're being pedantic about division of labour and assets and all.

To the OP, I've posted about this every time I see these threads. He won't clean, won't sanction a cleaner but still expects it to be done?
The 1950s called, they'd like their man back please.

If it is DHs money and she has none of her own (do people really live like that?) perhaps he should pay her for childcare, housekeeping, etc, then she can subcontract from her own money.
Getting a cleaner shouldn't be a moral decision. Housework is dull and thankless: why wouldn't you have somebody in to do it?

Does he expect it to be done though, would he care if it wasn't. I don't think my DH would care if stuff was done or not. Obviously the basics would be done, think student house and washing up piled up til you needed a clean cup and washing machine put on occasionally when clothes ran out and stuff just chucked in piles round the house and not put away

It will come out the joint account

And that's exactly my point, he won't do it but doesn't want a cleaner.
Well tough sh*t DH

And you're right bigbadbarry - housework is crap, why not pay someone else to do it? I pay people to Valet my car, why is this any different?

SpagBolgs - "If it is you DH money and you have no money of your own then you shouldn't get a cleaner."

As has been said, if the household money "belongs" to her DH, she can bill him for childcare, laundry, loss of earning etc, and then she'll have lots of money to pay for a cleaner!

That's about the most ridiculous comment I've heard on here all day, and believe me, it's been a day full of The Stupid!

That's exactly how it is lightas - I refused point blank to do any of DH's washing about a year ago. It was quite funny to see him walking around in grubby clothes He doesn't care if something is done or not, hence why he doesn't do it.

This thread has made me crack on with actually getting a cleaner...

This thread has made me crack on with actually getting a cleaner...

Interestingly enough, this thread reminded me to clean the kitchen. If we could afford it, I would hire a cleaner in a heartbeat. I hate doing housework.

Get several quotes, don't go with the first 1...there are lots of large company's that will have your eyes out!!!