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Original poster

A money question

102 replies

Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:09

If a grown up child ( own home/boyfriend/child) comes in a large amount of money say won over £25,000 on the lottery do you think they should give a little to their siblings? Even if it's just £200 or £50 or a present.
Especially if those people helped them when they needed help?

And what about parents if one is struggling and needs helps badly and is suffering from an illness that they can't work? Perhaps struggled for many years to raise that child as a single parent. Bearing in mind all the other parents involved have money and don't need it.
After investing £12,000 into an isa for a house in 5 years do you think its reasonable to blow the rest on a £12,00 car. Bearing in mind this is a family that usually shares everything including time and energy. Just need some feedback thanks

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 09/06/2014 13:15

I was a single parent for years. My daughter owes me nothing. It's not masses of money, and it seems the winners are being sensible with it.

PasswordProtected · 09/06/2014 13:16

I think it is absolutely up to them what they do with any winnings. That said, they would be very undiplomatic if they broadcast a win to all and sundry as this would clearly create expectations.

gobbynorthernbird · 09/06/2014 13:16

(I know it is actually a lot of money, but it isn't enough to be treating everyone, IYSWIM)

yellowdinosauragain · 09/06/2014 13:18

I don't think it is the right of anyone to expect to be given money by someone else. Whoever is expecting this is very very unreasonable imho

In reality if I came into a large sum of money that meant I could help out family who were struggling I probably would. But not at the expense of my own nuclear family.

Infinity8 · 09/06/2014 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fudgeface123 · 09/06/2014 13:22

That isn't a lot of money but I can think of so many things it could buy to make life easier for my little family. There wouldn't be much spare to give away if it were mine

TheLovelyBoots · 09/06/2014 13:25

I don't think anyone has to share a windfall with family, no.

Parents are supposed to look after their children, there's no repayment.

Artandco · 09/06/2014 13:25

I don't think so

£25k isn't a huge amount. For us personally with that we would use £1000 to say treat ourselves and family to a nice meal and drinks out in restaurant. The remaining £24k would add to deposit for house ( London so £24k deposit is nothing - baring in mind our 1 bed rental flat is valued at £610k)

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/06/2014 13:26

I really hate this idea that children should give their parents money when they can afford it. My grandmother is like this. She constantly complains that her grandchildren don't give their parents any money despite them working. It's just a shitty attitude.
I'd one of my children won a large sum of money and I was struggling I would just feel happy that they could buy themselves things that I cannot help them to fund.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 09/06/2014 13:26

I think investing half to save for a house, and spending half on a car is quite a wise way to spend the money. If they need a car, it's hardly "blowing" the money, is it.

25,000 is hardly life changing, and they will need to support their own DCs for a while yet, by the sound of things.

I do think it would be nice to offer a little present to siblings or other needy members of the family, but, do you actually know the financial situation of the people concerned - those with the 25k, and/or those you say don't need it.

My kids owe us nothing for all the years we have supported them. We chose to have them, and it's our duty as parents to support them until they no longer need it.

The only lesson learned here is to not it announce to all and sundry when you come into some unexpected money!

Original poster
Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:26

Thank you I sort of expected these answers. I guess this is just not the way our family works. I've gotten in to debt before to pay for things for them and only last week we were all chipping in for an event they were having which they still expect us to do. I will have to borrow the money to do that or take it from my shopping budget.
This is just not the way MY family works so I'm guess I'm disappointment more than anything. Is NOT about the money I just think is shellfish and not the way they were raised. It's true they need to look after themselves but I think rubbing noses in it ( sending a screen shot if bank account amount) and not even buying anyone a thing not even a box of chocolates is wrong. Thanks anyway

OP posts:
HecatePropylaea · 09/06/2014 13:27

I think it would be nice. I would certainly share. I couldn't enjoy my good luck knowing people I loved were struggling. I'd rather have less for myself and share it with those I love.

But 'should' ? No. They are under no obligation to share their money with anyone and if they don't want to, then those around them have to accept that with good grace.

SavoyCabbage · 09/06/2014 13:29

I don't think so either. I don't think you should have to 'repay' your parents for raising you. If it was 25 million then the situation would be different.

I don't think buying a car is blowing it either. It's a sensible thing to buy.

TheLovelyBoots · 09/06/2014 13:29

I think taking the family to dinner would be a nice gesture.

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:30

I don't think that beign brought up by a single-parent means that that person owes that parent.
It is pretty bloody shocking to suggest it quite frankly.

£25k is not a lot of money.

It's posts like these which confirm my view that if I ever win the lottery (don't bother buying a ticket for Euromillions tomorrow night all, i've got the winning one Smile ) I would never tell a soul.

yellowdinosauragain · 09/06/2014 13:30

You had already agreed to chip in for that event though so you're no worse off than if they hadn't won the money. If you couldn't afford to you should have said so when the amount was agreed. And for all you know they have debts too and the 25k will just be sunk into that.

yellowdinosauragain · 09/06/2014 13:31

It's their money. Not yours

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:34

It clearly is about the money OP, and well clearly your family doesn't work the way you think it does.

Sending a screenshot of the bank account is idiotic and inflammatory and if they now have this money, you should say 'well clearly you don't need me to help out with money for anymore' and just be done with it.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/06/2014 13:34

I should make a macro that posts "What Hecate said" at the bottom of every thread she's on Grin

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 09/06/2014 13:34

Well, it's stating the bleeding obvious OP, but it IS the way your family works - or at least that part of it.

I agree that sending a screen shot of bank account balance is pretty thoughtless and unfeeling, but that's a whole separate issue, and not what you asked for us to comment on in your original post.

DenzelWashington · 09/06/2014 13:35

I think rubbing noses in it ( sending a screen shot if bank account amount) and not even buying anyone a thing not even a box of chocolates is wrong

Well, I completely agree with you. Sending a screenshot of a bank balance is pretty vulgar, really.

I genuinely don't think that there is any responsibility to share a large amount, rather than invest and make a key purchase. If everyone got a large share then no one, including the winner, would have enough money to do much with it.

However, if you're going to tell people you won the money, and these are people who have supported you, including financially, in the past, then they ought to get a small token. Even just a £50 voucher.

gobbynorthernbird · 09/06/2014 13:36

A screenshot of a bank balance is only 'rubbing your nose in it' if you are not happy for the people with that money.

Original poster
Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:38

Ok so cards on table I'm the mum. I don't expect ANY of my children to repay me for anything I've done for them I raised 4 children on my own and never asked anyone for anything. I'm on my own now with an 9 year old and my car is about to die so I can't get her to school. And no I can't take the bus. I know it's not her problem but I've been driving her to work hospital and just about everywhere for ever. So yes I'm a bit pissed she would not think of me a little. But she hasn't even thought if her little nieces and nephew or her little sister. And no money has been ear marked for a house ( houses prices are very reasonable here about £95,00 for 4 bed) I asked her to talk to a financial adviser but not been done so far.
She won over £5,000 last year too and nothing to show for that.
And for the record I can't work with my health which I won't get into because I'm sure nobody cares.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 09/06/2014 13:38

I think the money is theirs to do what they like.....however if it were my son and he came into a large amount of money like that and he didn't want to spend a little on a treat or something I would be disapointed. It is something our family have done and he has benefitted from others generosity

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:40

So what kind of a gift from your daughter would satisfy you OP?