A money question

[Bellaboosmum2014]

If a grown up child ( own home/boyfriend/child) comes in a large amount of money say won over £25,000 on the lottery do you think they should give a little to their siblings? Even if it's just £200 or £50 or a present.
Especially if those people helped them when they needed help?

And what about parents if one is struggling and needs helps badly and is suffering from an illness that they can't work? Perhaps struggled for many years to raise that child as a single parent. Bearing in mind all the other parents involved have money and don't need it.
After investing £12,000 into an isa for a house in 5 years do you think its reasonable to blow the rest on a £12,00 car. Bearing in mind this is a family that usually shares everything including time and energy. Just need some feedback thanks

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

Like PP have said, even though £25k is a lot of money, it's not A LOT of money. IYSWIM? If I won hundreds of thousands I would gift a bit to my mum and sister. E.g enough to buy them a newer car. Millions, I would buy them both a suitable property. But £25k we would just pay it off the mortgage. It doesn't go far at all!

[Artandco]

Did you ask for money for a car? Did you say how much you need some money?

Really she's only spend £12k on one item the car anyway as the rest is invested. So she is being wise with it and taking financial advise.

So £1000 left. Assuming she has own children, living in own house that could easily be needed herself. Say £400 for new cooker, £200 to get children new schools and school uniform, a winter coat if money there. £200 on treating own partner/ herself/ children to hair cuts/ day out. Leaves £200 for paying bill quicker/ odd bottle of wine next few months etc

I'm sorry to hear your disabled, but how is another person going to know you want that money? Why shouldn't they buy nice car if they have one it

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

Oops, RTFT!

Agree the screenshot is vulgar.

[Bellaboosmum2014]

I was directing the bitches bit to those who were saying I was not a good mother I am a good mother I've always been a good mother and as such I would NEVER ask my daughter for money. I'm sorry if I upset those who where supportive there were no such messages when I posted. Yes I'm upset and no it's still not the bloody money I don't care about the money. They haven't got £1,000 left because it was me who suggested putting the money away for a house not them. She never gave anyone anything for the £5,000 and I was left with a back recent bill of £3,000 when she left because I wasn't taking enough rent for her when she lived here and it was recalculated and that what I now have to pay. As for has she ever helped anyone well NO but then she has never been in the situation where she could. Anyway that for those who offered support I guess most people on here just don't get it.

[DamnBamboo]

OP, you're angry becaue people aren't agreeing with you and you are now clouding the issue of whether or not somebody 'should' give money to their family members, with the fact that you are clearly vulnerable and in need.

The fact remains is that if she gave her sibs, her neices and nephews and you all a chunk of money, that would make a couple of grand dent in her winnings and why should she.

Perhaps you can speak with her separately about your need to borrow some to buy a car, but quite why you feel she should give it away to anybody else, still confuses me.

It is her money, her not wanting to give it away doesn't mean you haven't brought her up 'properly' or that she is a bad person for not wanting to either.

[DamnBamboo]

OP, if you're not upset about the money but rather your own situation (I am being presumptious) can you speak to CAB to find out what you are entitled to and what they can do to help?

[Burtreynolds]

OP I would gently suggest that if "most people on here" are saying a similar thing there might just be something in it? Most people do not think your daughter is being unreasonable - just bear that in mind in any dealings with her, no matter how hurt you may be.

[DamnBamboo]

She never gave anyone anything for the £5,000 and I was left with a back recent bill of £3,000 when she left because I wasn't taking enough rent for her when she lived here and it was recalculated and that what I now have to pay

This is not your daughters fault.

[theworkofsatan]

Instead of abusing people on here, who have taken the time to respond to your post, why don't you think about why you're so angry about this.

Your daughter owes you nothing financially. If she had given you something then that would have been a bonus but she is not obliged to gift you money. Yet you seem bitter and angry with her for not giving you anything. That kind of bitterness could very well destroy your close knit family.

It sounds as if your life is not easy but feeling bitter and envious of your daughter is not going to make things better for you.

[CaptainTripps]

If I was the daughter, Christ yes - I'd be helping my mum out. I'd be put out too in your place. But it's just not the done thing to show it, is it?

Ask her. See what she says...

[SuperScrimper]

She has a child. That is and should be, her priority. Certainly not giving money to younger siblings.

[MrsMopOnTop]

I'm sorry but if I won £25,000 I wouldn't have automatically given a parent any money either.

I'd have: Cleared our families £4,000 debt.
Put £15,000 aside of a deposit on a house.
Spent £1000 on booking a week at a haven site for my family.
£5000 for a new car.

If my parent asked for £500 of it because they desperately needed it - then I'd take it out of the car budget and give it to them ... but I wouldn't do it without them asking. I have 4 kids to take care of that take priority!

[CarbeDiem]

I understand that you're hurt and upset and the screen shot probably felt like a kick in the teeth.
I've been having a think and came to the conclusion that I'd have kept a win of that amount to myself.
If I gifted £500 to my mum, I would then have to do the same for my dad and both of Dh's parents = £2000 gone already.
We've 6 siblings between us and 10 nieces and nephews. Not forgetting my own 3 dc. Multiple £1000's would be needed to treat ALL of the family and in my life with debts, needing to buy a few items for the house, a new car - it just wouldn't be doable, there'd be nowt left after that :) I'd possibly arrange a family meal somewhere if I decided to tell people I'd won it.
If I won millions I'd happily gift to them all and probably to more family members/friends too.

[MrsCripps]

I think that you still see her as your primary family still when she has a family of her own.

She might want to have another child - I think its ridiculous to expect her to give money to her siblings and N/N .
She has a child to think about and if you think about the situation thats what you did, prioritized your DC.

I agree the screenshot is vulgar but its her money.

[Youdontneedacriminallawyer]

Her nieces and nephews are certainly not her responsibility. And neither is her 9 year old sibling, who you chose to have some time after having the DD in question I assume, as she now has her own DC.

Also - you said that she'd invested in an ISA as a way for saving to buy a house in 5 years time.

How do you know they have nothing to show for the 5,000 they won last year and how on earth are these people winning huge amounts of money so often

Most parents would drive their DCs to hospital, or wherever, without a second thought should they need a lift.

OP - you sound very bitter and twisted, instead of being happy that a child of yours has come into good fortune. You are no worse off just because she's better off.

[steff13]

Sending the screenshot was tacky.

If I won that amount of money, I doubt I would tell anyone, for this very reason. I would give my brother and SIL a little bit of money if I could, but I would mostly take care of things my family needed. I consider myself a generous person, but at the same time, my immediate family's needs would come first.

If you've been driving your daughter around, perhaps she thinks getting herself a car is doing you a favor?

[heraldgerald]

I don't appreciate posters being referred to as a pack of bitches and I've reported your post, op.

[BackforGood]

I have to agree with everyone else on here.
We can answer the question you put in the title, and the OP, but then you turned very nasty because people didn't say what you were hoping we'd say.
You are coming across as being very bitter.
FWIW I agree with most that, whereas £25K would be lovely to win, it's not exactly lottery millions, and I think most of us would use that for our own nuclear family rather than on the extended family, however, if our parents asked for £500 for a specific purpose as it would make such a difference to them, then most would probably give it - but you need to ask, not just expect her to hand something over automatically.

[DragonMamma]

Your family setup sounds similar to mine and whist £25k isn't a load I would definitely take my close family away on holiday to repay the freebies I've had over the years.

I do think yabu to expect it though, it woukd be nice if your dd did something or bought you a car but realistically, a £500 car isn't going to be cheap to run. If you are disabled with mobility issues should you not be entitled to a mobility car?

[magpiegin]

I am currently pregnant with my first child and if I won £25k I would invest some for the child's future and probably buy a decent car. At the present time it wouldn't cross my mind to give money to my parents (and even though one parent is struggling I know they would tell me not to be daft and look after my own family if I tried to give them some).

[DenzelWashington]

I am sorry for your troubles OP, though calling posters bitches was unpleasant.

The problem with silent martyrism though, is that it very rarely leads people to give you what you want.

[AgaPanthers]

Woof

[wobblyweebles]

If my parents were struggling then I would absolutely want to help them out. I can't imagine happily keeping the money to myself in that situation.

[Swannery]

I can see where you're coming from. In your place I'd be disappointed if they didn't at least invite the family for a nice celebration meal out. Even better, offer to pay for you to have a nice holiday for once, if you've been poor for ages.
And then make it clear that the rest of the money is accounted for.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Have you been a whining martyr your whole life? That might be why your DD isn't going to be guilt tripped into giving you money, because anything she gives you won't be enough.