Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

A money question

102 replies

Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:09

If a grown up child ( own home/boyfriend/child) comes in a large amount of money say won over £25,000 on the lottery do you think they should give a little to their siblings? Even if it's just £200 or £50 or a present.
Especially if those people helped them when they needed help?

And what about parents if one is struggling and needs helps badly and is suffering from an illness that they can't work? Perhaps struggled for many years to raise that child as a single parent. Bearing in mind all the other parents involved have money and don't need it.
After investing £12,000 into an isa for a house in 5 years do you think its reasonable to blow the rest on a £12,00 car. Bearing in mind this is a family that usually shares everything including time and energy. Just need some feedback thanks

OP posts:

Report

TheLovelyBoots · 09/06/2014 13:40

Good grief he sent a screen shot of the bank balance?

I'm speechless.

KeinBock · 09/06/2014 13:41

Sorry OP, but your tone just seems rather tedious & self-pitying to me...

It may well be that they are intending to give you a little gift, but haven't got around to doing so yet. What does come across here, is that you don't appear to like this family member very much. I sincerely hope it isn't your dd.

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:41

In the grand scheme of things, £25k is a nice sum (I would love to get that) but it is not a life-changing amount of money. Not with young family and other commitments. If she doesn't want to see an FA OP, that is her choice.

You sound jealous and frankly, a little bitter.

Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:42

Of course I'm happy for her as I've said before this is NOT the way my family works we have always shared we help each other and we are ALL so happy for them.

It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for there party this weekend.

OP posts:

FartyMcGhee · 09/06/2014 13:43

hmmmm... to be honest I don't think there's a 'should' way of doing anything. Whoever it is who has come into this money is free to spend it how they like IMO.

It would be nice if they gifted their friends and family with something but it's not compulsory and to be honest even if they gave £100 to everyone it sounds to me like some people still might not think it was enough.

RedTractorBlueTractor · 09/06/2014 13:44

I can understand where you are coming from and agree that the screenshot is vulgar.

Maybe just point out to them that the bank of mum is now closed and you expect them to use the money wisely and leave it at that

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:44

It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for there party this weekend

Say no! Now they've got the money, surely they dont need it and wouldn't expect it.

FartyMcGhee · 09/06/2014 13:45

"It's just feels like we are not good enough anymore but they still wants us to chip in for their party this weekend."

the best thing you can do is start changing the way you contribute to another grown person's lifestyle because clearly you are doing it to the detriment of your own.

HecatePropylaea · 09/06/2014 13:46

you say that it's not how your family works, and that the family shares etc etc - does she? Has she, in the past? did she, with that £5000 or if you look at it, has help and support been flowing to her rather than in two directions?

not that she has to share her money, of course, but I wonder, since you talk both of how the family always shares and of how she doesn't - how the two are both accurate.

Maybe it's not how your whole family works, because if it was - why isn't she?

Or maybe she always has before but this is money that is going to give them some security and they are, on this occasion, prioritising that over sharing it out to give everyone a treat?

ivykaty44 · 09/06/2014 13:47

I guess this is just not the way our family works.

some people in your family want to behave in a different way - so it is how some of your family work and not others - everyone is different and that includes within your family

TwllBach · 09/06/2014 13:47

This is precisely why I would be very very quiet about any sort of good fortune that I had. If I won money it would be my money, no one elses. If I felt like it, I would be generous to those around me, but I would hate to feel pressured into it.

Bellaboosmum2014 · 09/06/2014 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DamnBamboo · 09/06/2014 13:51

Stop giving her money OP and ask her for £500 outright if you need it. Thing is, can you (not her) afford to run a car for yourself?

Burtreynolds · 09/06/2014 13:52

So they've invested 12K, spent 12k on a car.

That leaves 1k.

What should they do with that? Split it between, you, little nices, nephews and sister? It's not going to go far is it?

fancyanotherfez · 09/06/2014 13:52

Have you pointed these things out to your daughter? What if you just said 'now you have the money, you can pay for your party as I can't really afford it.'
You keep saying your family share everything, but that's clearly not the case with your dd as its not the first time she has come into money. It sounds like she's a little too used to you doing most of the sharing, with no sharing in return.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 09/06/2014 13:54

The screen shot thing aside, I would be proud of my DC if they had that money and used it towards a house and a car. I've heard of so many people blowing a windfall on holidays and nightclubs.

gobbynorthernbird · 09/06/2014 13:54

£1K left. Assuming they have bills, maybe household stuff that needs updating, want a holiday maybe, that really isn't a great deal.
It isn't your daughter's fault that you are depressed and disabled, and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty because she is putting her child first.

ExcuseTypos · 09/06/2014 13:55

Now you've given your full circumstances, about your disability and the fact you are to become housebound, I do think your dd could give you some money. I know I would if my mum was in your situation.

Scousadelic · 09/06/2014 13:55

I can understand your feelings and think people giving you a hard time are thinking theoretically rather than emotionally.

DH and I are comfortably off and would expect nothing but I would still feel hurt if one of my children did this and did not even think of token gifts or, as you say, a meal out for people who have been important in their life.

I hope things improve for you

evertonmint · 09/06/2014 13:55

You sound so resentful of having mothered her without getting money in return! She didn't choose for you to have her or struggle to be a single mum, yet you seem to be expecting something back for that now. You claim to be happy for her but you're clearly not because you've decided what she should be doing with it and as she's not met those conditions you're complaining on here about her. Maybe she is aware that you seem to think she owes you something for your choices to have her and raise her, and she doesn't want to be involved in that sort of relationship going forward. Where does it end? Will you be expecting her to fund your retirement, support her siblings etc?

IsItMeOr · 09/06/2014 13:57

Um, I think you're directing your anger and disappointment at the wrong people by attacking MNers.

You are angry and disappointed in your daughter's behaviour. It's okay for you to feel that way. You don't have a right to have it validated by a bunch of strangers on the internet, but it doesn't affect your feelings.

If you want to make a point, I would simply tell her that you're not going to give her the money for the party any more, as you need to spend it on a new car for yourself.

If you want to borrow/be gifted some money from your daughter, it sounds like you will need to ask. It will be her choice whether or not she obliges. And if you want to maintain a relationship with her, I would make sure she feels it is fine with you whatever she decides.

HecatePropylaea · 09/06/2014 13:57

We are all a pack of bitches? oh well, thank you very fucking much. That's a lovely way to choose to respond to people who have taken time to answer you. - and many considerate responses have just been dismissed by you so well done and thanks.

There are a lot of people on this thread, including me, who have responded supportively, who have said that it would be nice to share, etc. Pointing out that she does not have to, does not make someone a bitch.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

needaholidaynow · 09/06/2014 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evertonmint · 09/06/2014 14:00

Cross-posted with your post about your current circumstances so sorry if I sounded harsh given you are clearly feeling quite vulnerable at the moment, but I do still think you are expecting too much. It's her money and she needs to do what is right for her nuclear family first. I'm afraid you and her siblings are secondary priorities and that is unfortunately how it should be.

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/06/2014 14:01

If you are going to be housebound and have a severe disability then can you get a mobility car?
What would you have done if she didn't win the money?
You say you are happy for her but you don't sound it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.