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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not being able to drive puts you at a disadvantage?

284 replies

Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 12:07

Just been chatting to a friend. Her daughter is 17 and although they can afford for her to have lessons, and she is able to she isn't going to bother learning to drive.

I was thinking about all the things I wouldn't have been able to do if I couldn't drive. For a start DS1 wouldn't be at the school he is, and the jobs I had I couldn't have got to by public transport.

I know she could learn in the future but surely it's easier to do it when young and a bit fearless?

I know it's none of my business too, but I hope my two DSs will be able to learn when the time comes.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/06/2014 22:37

MrsKoala, I was doing slow, local journeys too Grin

Then I went on a 2nd date with my (now) DH, decided I needed to avoid a huge roundabout, pulled into a one way street the wrong way...and had a head on collision Blush

Thankfully it wasn't a bad one but it was what made me accept that I'm really not a driver.

MrsMook · 06/06/2014 22:39

I learned in my year after uni. Until then I'd lived comfortably with public transport at my parents' or at uni, and walked a lot. I was aware that in the future, not driving would be a big restriction for finding graduate work. I walk a lot in my neighbourhood, but if I was dependent on buses, I would be restricted to a linear route to the city centre before I could think of connecting anywhere else.

My friend doesn't drive and finds it harder now she has two DCs as she can't get lifts for anywhere other than bus routes. I used to pick her up, but with 4 car seats between two of us, it's not possible anymore.

MrsKoala · 06/06/2014 22:45

Well you must have done something right as you didn't scare your DH away. Wink

I do think some people just shouldn't drive and it's sad that the way it's going, that those people either have to live in London or force themselves into situations where they are not comfortable or safe. I really hate the keep trying and eventually you will succeed attitude to driving. I think, umm, no, if you still have failed after 17 tests and 4000 lessons, maybe you really shouldn't be driving a few tons of metal around. (FYI - i plan to stop trying when i fail my 17th test)

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 22:45

MrsK that sounds terrifying. Shock

OP posts:
Maryz · 06/06/2014 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 06/06/2014 22:54

"Always something on MN to make you feel shitty. I'm quite happy with my non driving thanks."

Shall we just not talk then, on the off-chance we might inadvertently make someone feel shitty?

Mrsfrumble · 06/06/2014 22:56

No, but when someone claims to have made a choice and and is happy with it, why not just accept that rather than rambling on about your different choice and how you think they're missing out?

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 22:59

Can I just say that I didn't start this thread with any intention of making anyone feel shitty. It isn't my style.

But it seems that I have somehow managed it. So I apologise if that's the case.

OP posts:
usualsuspectt · 06/06/2014 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 23:02

Well from what I see the non drivers are happy with their choice, and the drivers are happy with theirs. Some have tried it and decided it's not for them.

I don't know what else to say really.

OP posts:
Maryz · 06/06/2014 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon · 06/06/2014 23:09

As a non driver i would recommend all other non drivers moving to Milton Keynes just to experience the utter bewilderment of the natives when you tell them you don't drive. Audible gasps and whispers from colleagues, tutting, muttering, head shaking, people stammering 'what?' as the full horrible realisation hits them of what you have just said

That made me laugh Grin last time I got the bus I to MK to meet a friend she kept saying "I can't believe you rode on a bus here" in the same tone of awe you'd used if someone had just cantered up on a unicorn. I thought it was just her. Clearly not Grin

ElkTheory · 06/06/2014 23:15

I'm very glad that I learned to drive. I was in my late 20s when I learned, and I had sort of built it up in my head as something scary and complicated. In fact, I found driving quite easy to master (with the exception of parallel parking which I am still rather terrible at!) and then I wished I'd learned earlier. For me, the independence and freedom of being able to drive have been wonderful. Now I live in a place with extremely limited public transportation so driving really is almost essential.

Welshwabbit · 06/06/2014 23:19

I only learned this year (aged 34) despite having grown up in a rural area. I was the youngest in my year so by the time I turned 17 lots of my friends had passed and were happy to offer lifts. Then I went to university in a compact city with good public transport links and then I moved to London. For several years neither my partner nor I drove, then he learned, initially in an automatic and then in a manual. He's not a natural driver so it was a big effort for him. We didn't have a car but did sometimes hire one on holiday or for trips to rural areas but in general we continued to use public transport. In hindsight, I should have learned then but we had no real need of a car and I was very busy at work. My husband did all the (fairly limited) driving for several years and now I do think that was unfair. I learned after I had my son (when we also bought a car) as we found it a lot easier to take long trips for extended periods by car, especially as my parents still live in the same now-distant rural area. I had a lot of lessons but passed first time and think I'm doing ok although I am shit at parking! I do regret not learning earlier because of the pressure being the sole driver put on my husband.

I didn't lose out on any career opportunities because I didn't learn to drive earlier and in London it is very easy to get around on foot or by public transport. In fact I still do this most of the time. But being able to drive is really useful even living where I do and if had my time again I would learn much sooner.

morethanpotatoprints · 06/06/2014 23:20

I posted earlier and haven't read all 9 pages, but surely independence has been mentioned.

I don't get this comment at all and everybody asks me if I miss my independence by not driving.
Independence from what?
Do people seriously think if you don't drive you don't travel anywhere?
I suppose it could be independence from dealing with twats, getting stressed, starting parking threads. etc etc
I really can't think of anything I want to do less.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 06/06/2014 23:22

I don't know why a couple of people are being so chippy bitter when it was obvious that the intention of the thread was never to be outwardly nasty. Also, I never stated my opinion on the matter. Confused

I never went travelling or took a gap year but I don't throw my toys out of the pram when people talk about how much they gained and would have hated not to have had the opportunity etc/

erin99 · 06/06/2014 23:26

Yes, being able to drive is an advantage. But I didn't do it at 17 because it was too intimidating, my friend didn't because she lost a friend in a car crash and it was v upsetting for her... there's a lot going on in a 17 year old's head that they don't necessarily share with their mum. It's not always just not being bothered.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 06/06/2014 23:29

I do think 17 is quite young to be driving. I know it's younger in some US states, too young IMO. I was very immature at that age and very nervous. I hated every second of my driving lessons (that my parents 'encouraged' me to do) and subsequently, refused to drive until recently when I was forced to due to a physical disability meaning that public transport was too difficult.

Mrsfrumble · 06/06/2014 23:51

I find the idea that you can pass your test at 17 (or younger over here) and then drive for the next 60 years or so without ever needed your skills assessed or reviewed quite scary. So many bad habits to pick up!

If I manage to pass my test I might voluntarily offer myself up for retesting occasionally to make sure I'm up to snuff.

FadingPalsy · 07/06/2014 00:01

"I am feeling shitty about being a failed breastfeeder today usual. Threads all over the place about that."

Then you probably know the feeling when someone (often with a youngish PFB, successfully BFing, new to debates about feeding) posts a thread innocently wondering why some people don't even try to breastfeed?

Those OPs aren't really interested in people who couldn't breastfeed or tried and failed, what they really want to bring out into the light and examine and pick over and debate are the people who actively choose not to breastfeed rather than being forced into that choice.

It's not that they don't know about the people who can't breastfeed, nor do they want to be mean - it's just more interesting to pick over the decisions of people who could but don't. (Sound familiar?)

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 00:08

Well I have the BF/FF topic hidden and just happened to stumble on a thread in AIBU today Fading so I can't claim to know much about what goes on in that topic.

So no it doesn't sound familiar.

I have already said i didn't intend a bunfight or to make people feel shitty.

OP posts:
FadingPalsy · 07/06/2014 00:22

No I know you didn't. Those OPs don't either but the threads never end well!

calmet · 07/06/2014 00:25

Yes it is easier to learn when you are young. I couldn't afford lessons when I was younger and it did limit me until I learned to drive.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 00:27

I have added 'driving' to the ever growing list of subjects to not start a thread about, especially not in AIBU. Grin I knew about cycling already.
And maybe keep my inner musings to myself to be on the safe side.

Re the BF thing my two are 14 and 12 so until I joined MN it wasn't something that I had thought about for a long time. I am glad I wasn't on here when they were born by the sound of it.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 07/06/2014 00:37

Driving is an essential skill especially once you have children. I live in London and sure, I can get around on public transport, but what a waste of time when I have to go to so many places because when you have children, the amount of errands, outings, parties, clashing diaries is just horrendous.

You just end up doing less, much less, if you cannot drive.

If my children are ill and need to be picked up from school, isn't it better to have a car? If it is raining heavily, wouldn't it be great to have car?

Even if I live in London, having a car means I can drive to an out-of-town shopping area with free parking and do all my shopping in one location to my heart's content, bung the shopping into the boot and home I come. I can drive the children to the watersports centre which has that fantastic slide, rather than just go to the crappy overcrowded local one. I can drive them to playdates and parties.

My dd's best friend's mum cannot drive and so she has to walk her dd over for a playdate. Heck, I end up offering to pick her dd up and drive her home because it really is a waste of time. If her siblings were too little to be left at home, they would have to walk as well to the playdate and then do another round trip on foot for the pick up.