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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not being able to drive puts you at a disadvantage?

284 replies

Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 12:07

Just been chatting to a friend. Her daughter is 17 and although they can afford for her to have lessons, and she is able to she isn't going to bother learning to drive.

I was thinking about all the things I wouldn't have been able to do if I couldn't drive. For a start DS1 wouldn't be at the school he is, and the jobs I had I couldn't have got to by public transport.

I know she could learn in the future but surely it's easier to do it when young and a bit fearless?

I know it's none of my business too, but I hope my two DSs will be able to learn when the time comes.

OP posts:
parallax80 · 06/06/2014 12:31

It might be better if we were able to separate in their minds the ideas of "learning to drive" and "owning a car". I think being able to drive is a useful life skill.

Obviously it depends on the area you live in and your social setup, but there are various commercial car sharing schemes, possibilities of sharing cars with family or friends or combining rental cars with public transport. These are potentially better for the environment than everyone owning their own car, which is unused for large chunks of time. At the moment a lot are wildly expensive so not practical, but some of it is a mindset / lifestyle about how much we expect to have to plan / compromise.

However, people who refuse to learn to drive but want all the convenience of being driven (and the option to drink) are just cheeky. Yes, siblings, I'm looking at you.

Helpys · 06/06/2014 12:31

It's so complicated.
Environmentally driving is a disaster, but you so often see threads here from women who are restricted and over reliant on wankbadgers their partners because they can't drive.
And don't get me started on men who can't drive- I'm ashamed to say I wouldn't want a non driving partner. Genuinely ashamed.

Sallystyle · 06/06/2014 12:32

I didn't learn and pass my test until last year when I was 32 years old.

Now I can drive I wonder why I didn't do it sooner. I managed perfectly well for years, with children, not driving or having a car at all.

I live in an area where everything is either in walking distance or a bus journey away though.

There were things I couldn't do which are lovely now that I can do them so yes, it does restrict you from certain things and I am very glad I can drive. I feel like a whole new world has been opened to me.

Rhine · 06/06/2014 12:32

I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to learn to drive? When I turned 17 the first thing I did was send off my provision licence. Unless you live in London then I think your at a serious disadvantage, I love that I can just get in my car and go wherever I want to when I want to, public transport is so unreliable and expensive that I'd never be able to some thing like that that if I didn't drive. It gives you indepenence.

JuniDD · 06/06/2014 12:32

Chiming in with chipped my mum was desperate for me to learn to drive as you've got your freedom then.

I learned when I was 21 which I think was a good age. In spite of living in a city the public transport is terrible and it's so much easier to go anywhere and do anything. If I got the buses to my parents' it would take about 90 mins, but in the car it's 25.

Helpys · 06/06/2014 12:32

Parallax, yy that's the crux of it.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 12:33

My friend has a DD that has learnt to drive at 17 but is off to University in September and will not have a car while she is there. But she has a licence for the future.

Holidays without a car with a 14 year old and 12 year old? Noooo way.

OP posts:
AElfgifu · 06/06/2014 12:34

I think parallax is right, actually. Having a licence without having a car, gives you flexibility without automatically being one of the ones contributing to burning fossil fuel. It may be that there are times in your life when you need a car, and times when you don't.

TheLovelyBoots · 06/06/2014 12:34

It absolutely depends on where you are.

I think 80% (I arrived at that number by pulling it out of my bum scientifically) of people in urban areas can, and should, get by on public transport.

Cereal0ffender · 06/06/2014 12:34

Most jobs I have had have involved driving as part of the job. Driving to clients and other offices. It's not just the getting there

MythicMum · 06/06/2014 12:35

Two words: Google Car

fairylightsintheloft · 06/06/2014 12:35

DH didn't learn til he was 30 and met me. He didn't want to be part of a car using household if he couldn't take on his share of the driving IYSWIM. Before that he walked, ran, cycled or bussed / trained it everywhere, including to gigs with guitar and V V heavy amp. Our life now IS car dependent but only because we have bought houses, chosen schools etc knowing that we do have a car. If he hadn't learned we would have stayed living more centrally. I agree that NOT having the burden of a car at Uni or if you live in central London is a massive plus.

Bowlersarm · 06/06/2014 12:35

Ds1 has recently passed age 18. I thought I would spend more time worrying about him when hes out and about driving than I actually do, so that's a nice surprise.

And it's brilliant that he isn't reliant on us for lifts all the time, as we are fairly rural.

Ds2 has terrible coordination so will worry about him more when the time comes.

EBearhug · 06/06/2014 12:36

I'm glad I learnt to drive when I did - I then had the choice of not driving, but it did mean it was a choice, rather than something I was just stuck with, which is how it would have been if I'd never learnt to drive.

However, like any skill, it's something you need to practise to keep it up. So you do need to drive every now and then. (I took a couple of refresher lessons when I finally bought a car.)

AElfgifu · 06/06/2014 12:36

I don't know, sparklingbrook, I now have a 15 year old, and a 13 year old, and we have never had a car, so they have been brought up on public transport camping holidays - no problem!

Dwerf · 06/06/2014 12:37

I took several lessons at 19. I hated it. I found it genuinely frightening, and I don't think I have the skills to concentrate in traffic anyway, I get flustered if too much stuff is happening at once.

I live in a city, so transport isn't usually a problem but it is a disadvantage that I cannot drive. I would love to be able to afford my children to have lessons. Not possible at the moment though.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 06/06/2014 12:38

How do you get your tent on the bus though AEl? And all the camping equipment?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 06/06/2014 12:38

And it scares me to think of my children driving at such a young age.

I would much rather they all wait until they are in their early- mid 20's.

I really don't think a lot of 17 year olds are mature enough to be in charge of such a dangerous piece of metal. I am sure some are, but there are whole load of them who aren't.

AWimbaWay · 06/06/2014 12:38

I totally depends on where you live.

At 17 I was living in the middle of nowhere, nearest village a few miles away so absolutely no public transport. If I hadn't learnt to drive I'd have been totally reliant on other's for lifts to get anywhere, the shop, friends, weekend jobs, anywhere that wasn't a field basically.

However, I also lived for a few years in London and never once felt the need for a car.

I do think it's a good skill to have.

parallax80 · 06/06/2014 12:39

See, this I find odd.

Holidays without a car with a 14 year old and 12 year old? Noooo way.

Why is it such a problem? They can walk reasonable distances, don't require all the baby paraphernalia, aren't likely to be having naps in the day (well, they might be, but not toddler type naps). Please could you enlighten me?

expatinscotland · 06/06/2014 12:39

It is a huge disadvantage, IME.

FragileBrittleStar · 06/06/2014 12:40

i don't understand why she doesn't want to learn as simplistically there's no advantage in not being able to drive- so you might as well get the qualification -maybe she's not as fearless as you think? or maybe she doesn't have the time.
That said I didn't pass my test until mid thirties and it was never really a concern - i lived with access to public transport and never got reliant on a car (and didn't have anyone on standby as a driver) - now I drive and would be hard to go back but a lot of thats laziness

Summerbreezing · 06/06/2014 12:40

You can get by Boots, but are often very limited in what you can do.

I live in an urban area but would not be able to do the job I do without a car as my half hour drive would involve about a two hour commute by public transport. I would also not be able to visit my widowed mother frequently or take her shopping or to appointments. And at weekends it would take me ages to get one or two things done, whereas with the car I can whizz around from hair appointment to supermarket to a friend's house to the garden centre etc.

Chippednailvarnish · 06/06/2014 12:40

A driving instructor once told me it takes a lesson for every year of your life. Hence it should be easier (and cheaper) to learn at 17 than at 40.

AElfgifu · 06/06/2014 12:40

The tent fits in a wheeled suitcase, Sparkly, and we take minimal equipment, and buy lightweight! Some necessities, like washing up liquid, orange squash, we always buy locally, if we can, and if we can't we do without.