To think not being able to drive puts you at a disadvantage?

[Sparklingbrook]

Just been chatting to a friend. Her daughter is 17 and although they can afford for her to have lessons, and she is able to she isn't going to bother learning to drive.

I was thinking about all the things I wouldn't have been able to do if I couldn't drive. For a start DS1 wouldn't be at the school he is, and the jobs I had I couldn't have got to by public transport.

I know she could learn in the future but surely it's easier to do it when young and a bit fearless?

I know it's none of my business too, but I hope my two DSs will be able to learn when the time comes.

I learnt when I was 30. I had no problems not driving but you never do when you're used to it- you have nothing to compare to so don't really how convenient it is.

I much prefer being a driver now, life is easier.

I never relied on anyone for lifts- if you don't drive you don't really think about it, ime. But I suppose it depends on how independant you are generally.

Like a PP said earlier I worry about the older female generation, who don't drive. Dmum my aunts and even once very independent MIL no longer drive, which is fine whilst they have their husbands to do so, but as their husbands get older I can forsee problems for them.

My parents will be fine as both me and my sister live close enough to help out, but MIL is in another country.

There are several women in our street like that who are now very isolated through not driving. Obviously we help them out with shopping, disposing of rubbish, trips to GP etc, but as they were always used to being ferried about, the prospect of a two hour journey to visit relatives is now too overwhelming for them.

I don't think anyone thinks that IRL usual

Anyone can end up not being able to drive even if they used to be able to. Sighing over people who won't but could have done doesn't help because there are plenty of nondrivers who actually don't have the choice.

An awful lot of things that are organised by drivers are organised with the assumption that everyone will be able to get to those things by driving.

Sometimes there are other options but they don't bother to explore those because they are so car focused they don't need to think about it for themselves.

If there was a sudden oil crisis or something that stopped most people driving, quite a few of the kids activities and social events that people don't think twice about organising in locations a 20min drive from where most of the people going live would end up being organised somewhere closer, and wouldn't necessarily be any the worse for it.

Even if they were still in the further away place, if most people didn't drive then organisers would take people walking or busing there into account for timings.

At the moment all most people think about is how the majority - people with cars - will get there, so yes people without do end up at a disadvantage, but there's no natural law that says everything should be set up for drivers only. That's just how it happens to be right now.

I think, usualsuspectt, that some folk who live car-dependent lives just can't imagine that it's possible to get around and live a happy and productive (and independent!) life without driving. That's why you see endless comments about scavenging lifts, as if all non-drivers are otherwise housebound, sitting around waiting for someone to pick them up and take them where they need to go. I've found that not driving has made me very resourceful, not to mention very fit from all the walking.

As I said in previous post, I do plan to learn this summer, but it with some reluctance. We're becoming more and more car-dependent as a society (certainly in the US, and the UK is following suite), and I don't think this is really a good thing. There's the environmental cost, and the health one too - I think sedentary lifestyles contribute to the obesity crisis as much as, if not more than crappy diets. Also, there are always going to be people who can't drive, usually for financial or health reasons. Structuring everything around the car alienates these people, as if the poor and disabled aren't excluded enough already.

So yes, encourage young people to get their licenses, but let's not fixate on driving as the only possible way to get around and a necessary qualification to be a fully functioning human. It's not.

Cross-with FadingPalsy, who probably said it much better than me....

It isn't about being superior, just about opening doors that would otherwise be closed.

I wonder how my career path would have been if I hadn't learned to drive. When I moved offices to one 25 miles away I didn't have to think twice iykwim.

Bit odd to think I would never have met DH either, well maybe possibly met but not able to maintain a relationship with him. I moved here for DH's work as at the time he didn't drive-I was doing the commute while he walked to work.

I can't drive, and regret not learning when I was younger.

I am dyspraxic but my support worker said that I should be ok to drive. I have had lessons and even took my test a couple of times but failed both times...trying to psyche myself up to give it another whirl.

Can I cope without a car? Yup, and have done. Would life be easier if I could drive? Certainly.

I work a 30 minute drive away, that takes two hours on public transport. Added up, it's an extra 15 hours on my working week. I'm also limited on better paid jobs further afield, and some jobs in my sector require a full driving license. If I wanted to set up my own practice, I would realistically need a car.
I can't think 'fuck it, it's a nice day, I'm going to the beach' without examining timetables and limiting what I can carry.
Everything requires more planning. I can't pop round friends and families houses easily, or visit people in hospital.
Thank god DH drives, so we can do shopping and he does give me lifts if I ask, but I don't like asking often.

YANBU.

How so people without cars go to the tip?!?!?

I only have this thought as I have had to drive DP to the tip about 8 million times these last couple of weeks as he has been doing DIY and the garden.

It's quite useful for going round the Safari Park too. Although I hate driving round that with a passion.

Doors to jobs/careers that require a car usual. I want the DSs to have the widest range of job choice possible IYKWIM. Not be restricted by not having a driving licence.

My career would have been totally different if I couldn't drive.

Eminy - ummm we don't . altho DH can drive we don't have a car. However, we don't have a garden or do diy (as we rent). DH gets the train to work in the week and we do local things at weekends or hire a car about every other month to do longer trips. We hired a car over the bank hol for 4 days (about £80) and did lots of lovely day trips.

I would have had to do the same if I hadn't learnt to drive but it would have been difficult as one role required me to drive, I wouldn't have been able to do it.
One role that started off based on one place changed completely and then involved travelling between two.
I guess I would have had a lot more jobs, as it was I worked for the same company for 22 years without worrying where I may have to get to next IYKWIM.
Plus I would have been working more locally I guess.

You get a man with a van, or hire a skip, or find some other way.

This thread is a little bit like someone asking how on earth do some people manage without a cleaner!

I know it doesn't seem like it because driving seems like such a basic thing to so many people, but you know owning a car and even paying for driving lessons is still a luxury for a significant number of people! Then you've got other people who can't drive for medical reasons. So what if there are some who choose not to, too?

OP, you seem really fixated on your own life having been different if you couldn't drive - yes it probably would have been. But why is this so bewildering? Just enjoy the fact that you're happy with the way it's worked out, but maybe open your eyes a bit to the fact that there's more than one way to live your life and not everyone can or should even have to precisely mimick what you did right down to when you learned to drive?

It's not just career choices though.

I couldn't reasonably live where I do if I didn't drive

I need to get children to school, nip out for a pint of milk, take DD to Brownies, pick them up from play dates, visiting our families, etc, etc

I'm a foster carer which I couldn't do if I couldn't drive as I need to get to meetings, contact visits, etc

All sorts of choices that would have been restricted if we didn't drive

Fading I don't even have a cleaner.

I am musing in AIBU. I think that's ok. My eyes are wide open, believe me.

I learnt to drive at 15 on private roads and passed my test at 17. Both my DC were taught by me before they were 17, had a few lessons and both passed first time at 17. But living in rural areas you do not have much choice.....if you need to get anywhere you need to drive.