To expect him to pay?

[AtSea1979]

This is going to sound terrible I know but for some reason I feel it.
Went on first date with a guy last week, paid £20 babysitter, and met him for drinks, we both bought a round.
He told me he had a lovely time and would I like to go out for dinner next week, I said yes.
Tonight, I paid babysitter another £20, and went out for meal, when bill came I got my purse out to pay (total £55) my half but then he put £30 down and I was surprised he didn't tell me to put my purse away. Even though I would have said no and paid half I still feel like he should have paid the full.
I know they are my kids and my responsibility but I still wonder whether I want to date someone again who is so tight.
AIB completely U? (and date I say, sexist?) Or would others feel similar?

I don't see how that can be presented as a misinterpretation. The poster quite clearly expected the man to have paid during her absence.

emsyj I went on 3 dates with the same guy, first time he paid, then I paid, then we split (had a whip), then he blew me off. Why? He told his close friends that he wasn't 'getting anything' for the amount of money he was spending, despite the fact we effectively split the cost! He expected sex on the first date when he'd paid and then on the second he 'let' (i insisted) me pay as 'punishment' for not giving sex on the first. Apparently he would have paid for the second third and fourth dates if I'd put out and thought his 'punishing me' would highlight that.

But he got nothing for his money, so he blew me off. So yes, some people really do see it as 'they pay= you owe them' and while some just think you owe them a second date or returning the bill paying favor, there are some who expect sex. Unfortunately I've spoken to girlfriends about this many times and some of them have had idiots that expect too.

He was a dick. No wonder he's still single.

I wouldn't give or expect sex in return for paying but I was more wary after hearing that and for a while insisted (despite some people being annoyed) that we split.

I dated men and women and used to go by the 'if they've asked me' rule, if I asked them then the rule obv applied in reverse. But while I hoped, I never expected and always was prepared to pay my way and split the bill- it seemed fairer that way. One couple i knew, she always picked up the expensive dates, for his ones he chose cheaper ones or free ones yet insisted on expensive when it was her turn. After a few dates she got rid and took to splitting too.

I don't think its unreasonable, no. I like all the traditional roles that many people on here don't but what you have to work out is - is it a deal breaker??

The interesting thing about feminism, as with all political movements, is that we have a broad ideal but different points of view.

but those of who want to claim those that cherry pick give feminism a bad name want to find fault with feminism anyway it's an excuse

we are all aware that some religious people have extreme beliefs and ones that are damaging to society but most of us are intelligent enough to understand they do not represent all those who are of that particular religion (can be any religion) we see those people as individual unless of course we choose not to

I don't describe myself as a feminist - more an equalist ( know there isn't such a word).

How you can describe yourself as a feminist yet still expect a man to pay for your date I just don't understand.

How you can describe yourself as a feminist yet still expect a man to pay for your date I just don't understand.

Its easy to understand, its called being a hypocrite.

How you can describe yourself as a feminist yet still expect a man to pay for your date I just don't understand.

And I would say that I object to the word 'equalist' silveroldie2. There is such a word. Why don't you say there isn't?

I happen to dislike it and the views around it, such as they are. But I wouldn't deny it or say you shouldn't hold them. I might ask you to explain them, but you'd also be entitled to ask me to define feminism and I'd stumble.

It's a wonderful world, isn't it?

kim147

My feminist principles are that women are unequal to men and that women and men need to address that imbalance.

As to what I think children should learn: as above.

You've asked me two questions so I'll ask the same of you. Three questions, actually. I hope you don't mind.

Why are you asking me for my views rather than anyone else? and;

Would you call yourself a feminist, and if so, or not, why?

kim147
Why are you attacking me?

Yet another thread that makes me realise my decision not to describe myself as a feminist is the right one.

Kim147 On a recent thread you asked for expansion of my POV. I gave it, though I'd have expected it to be noticed the first time and I didn't understand why you required my explanation as opposed to anyone else's. But fair enough. Maybe I wasn't clear or maybe you misunderstood.

I believe I was polite and patient. Much like this thread where you appear to have singled me out for special treatment when others have expressed similar POVs.

My patience and politeness with you is wearing out because your attention, while flattering, is getting on my tits.

This thread has made me remember a rather funny date I had with a man once. He invited me to the cinema, we were each ready to pay for our tickets. However he had no change. It was £11.50 or something per ticket. I handed over £20, him £10 and he took the change from the cashier and pocketed it! I must have really liked him because I didn't say anything, to avoid embarrassing him. But he actually made a £7 or around 30% profit from our date!

Ladies, he is still single...he dumped me for having a better job than him.

I hate going for dinner with men I'm not in, or not sure I want to be, a relationship with, anyway. Much prefer other kinds of date.

This thread really isn't about feminism it's about freeloading and taking advantage of another person,

Yes Caruthers, where the one being taken advantage of is male and the freeloader is female. Reverse the genders and try and sell that as "not a feminist issue" to a self-described feminist...

Also its a fair assumption this doesn't happen much in same sex relationships.

quackducky

I would agree with that but primarily it's about taking advantage isn't it?

careeristbitchnigel
"Because i don't like tight men (or tightness in anyone actually)"

Except your self.

silveroldie2
"I don't describe myself as a feminist - more an equalist ( know there isn't such a word)."

Its egalitarian

limited

You were the one that said if he wanted to keep you he would pay.

But now you are being "insulted" and "attacked" because posters are picking holes in a weak argument.

Would you like to try and prevent discussion any other way?

I think you're right caruthers
It's just that the freeloaders expressing their "expectations" are all females and some very depressing (imo) attitudes have come to the surface.