To expect him to pay?

[AtSea1979]

This is going to sound terrible I know but for some reason I feel it.
Went on first date with a guy last week, paid £20 babysitter, and met him for drinks, we both bought a round.
He told me he had a lovely time and would I like to go out for dinner next week, I said yes.
Tonight, I paid babysitter another £20, and went out for meal, when bill came I got my purse out to pay (total £55) my half but then he put £30 down and I was surprised he didn't tell me to put my purse away. Even though I would have said no and paid half I still feel like he should have paid the full.
I know they are my kids and my responsibility but I still wonder whether I want to date someone again who is so tight.
AIB completely U? (and date I say, sexist?) Or would others feel similar?

[MrsCosmopilite]

men I dated paid for the pleasure of my company sounds very self-centred and arrogant, regardless of what was meant. Payment for company does sound akin to escort services - there may not be sex involved in escorting. Semantics aside, I feel this comment rather sad.

Surely the purpose of dating is to get to know someone. Yes, you would hopefully enjoy someone's company, but that ought to be a two-way street. Did the men who paid provide interesting/pleasurable company?

[BreakingDad77]

men I dated paid for the pleasure of my company

This just reinforces men as found by IWINWIN beliefs, and depending on the age of men your dating your going to get more or less of these types. I have seen similar postings on the ASKMEN forums in the past and there would be one if not many sarcastic, 'should I leave the money on the pillow' type quips.

Perhaps people should put that they are "traditional" in their profiles to advertise that they expect to be spoilt or stick to sugardaddie, misstravel etc websites

[ilovesooty]

men I dated paid for the pleasure of my company

The comparisons to escorting have arisen from that, the implication of which seems to go beyond a mere expectation of a man paying for dinner on a first date.

[redshifter]

limitedperiodonly
I appreciate it is maybe notnhow you meant to come across but yes, to me the words you used do make you sound like an escort. Sorry.

[FreudiansSlipper]

i think it I is a little harsh calling someone an escort because they expect a man to pay for dinner on the first night

what it does show is that the relationship (should it become one) is not equal from the start one expecting to be looked after and one maybe expecting something back from that but that suits many people

[2rebecca]

If you feel that you are doing a man a service by being in the restaurant with him and he should pay for your company then you're an escort. A date is an equal thing when you want to be with the man as much as he wants to be with you and you both enjoy each other's company. If the enjoyment is just 1 way and you're getting nothing out of it but the expectation of a free meal then you are selling yourself.

[scottishmummy]

I know what i posted,i dont need reminded.i queried how the transaction work
Given men pay,i wondered do you have an idea if whats adequate,whats the minimum payment
Or are you flexible about monies spent,so long as he pays?Would nandos be adequate payment

[caruthers]

limitedperiodonly

You said that men paid for your company.

And now you seem surprised that posters have pointed out the obvious.

[limitedperiodonly]

When you said this:

Kim 147
Sounds more like you are being an escort than a date.

Scottishmummy
Men Paid for the pleasure of your company?did you charge by the hour or was it rounded up to be all inclusive

kim147

What's the difference? Men pay for your company.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

PoundingTheStreets
"My first date with current DP was for coffee. Fortunately, we both seem to have similar attitudes to equality and money."

That is the key, I suppose if you ask someone to go for coffee and they accuse you of being tight then at least you know where you stand.

[scottishmummy]

Im not accusing in least,I'm asking how the men pay for you,how transaction works
Do you do mental arithmetic,each hour he pays something fir yiu eg drink,cinema,food
Or do you wait til end if evening to tot up whats he's paid you.all inclusive

[TheSameBoat]

2. insist on paying and worse, risk being seen as a feminist (we all know how popular they are!) There is nothing wrong with feminists. However, this is the type of thing that gives feminists a bad name
   
   I wasn't condoning that kind of thinking. I'm just saying I would be wary of wearing my "I heart feminism" badge on the first date because so many men misunderstand what it means.
   
   And of course I would offer to pay.

[PoundingTheStreets]

Not in my book. The last thing I want to do on a first date is go for a full-on meal. What if he's a complete idiot or really boring and I have to sit there inwardly crying because there are another two courses to go?

My first date with current DP was for coffee. Fortunately, we both seem to have similar attitudes to equality and money.

[limitedperiodonly]

kim and scottishmummy are you accusing me of prostitution?

[BoneyBackJefferson]

PoundingTheStreets
"I've always adopted a pattern of taking it in turns to pay for stuff rather than rigidly splitting things 50/50.

I appreciate that on a first date you might not get a chance to reciprocate or get them to, but that's why it's a good idea to go for coffee or drinks, rather than a sit-down meal, because you can take it in turn to get the drinks (and escape more quickly if you need to)."

But with going for coffee we are back to being seen as cheap/tight and up pops that damned red flag again.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

limited

It doesn't bother me at all. I asked in the context of the thread, if it offends I apologise.
But as someone who has paid thousands (literally) for "the pleasure of a woman's company." I was just curious to see if there were any answers beyond "because I'm worth it" and "because its expected/tradition".

And TBH if I had just wanted sex there are many cheaper, quicker, alternatives out there.

[scottishmummy]

Men Paid for the pleasure of your company?did you charge by the hour or was it rounded up to be all inclusive

[PoundingTheStreets]

This is why bullshit such as The Rules and Men Are From Mars should be binned. They make everything so combative and fraught with double meaning.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. It sometimes raises eyebrows but means that when someone does like you, they like you, not the image you're presenting. It is also more likely to result in them being honest about themselves or slinking away (either is a win-win).

[limitedperiodonly]

Sounds more like you are being an escort than a date.

That's quite an unpleasant thing to say, isn't it kim147? But I forgive you, because I have no idea what kind of difficult place you might be in that might be driving you to say horrible things to people.

[PoundingTheStreets]

I've always adopted a pattern of taking it in turns to pay for stuff rather than rigidly splitting things 50/50.

I appreciate that on a first date you might not get a chance to reciprocate or get them to, but that's why it's a good idea to go for coffee or drinks, rather than a sit-down meal, because you can take it in turn to get the drinks (and escape more quickly if you need to).

While the issue of fairness is important to me, I wouldn't expect my date to be factoring in the cost of my babysitter.

[limitedperiodonly]

kim and boney I cba beyond saying men I dated paid for the pleasure of my company.

Maybe I'm a very fascinating creature. Why does it bother you so much?