To expect him to pay?

[AtSea1979]

This is going to sound terrible I know but for some reason I feel it.
Went on first date with a guy last week, paid £20 babysitter, and met him for drinks, we both bought a round.
He told me he had a lovely time and would I like to go out for dinner next week, I said yes.
Tonight, I paid babysitter another £20, and went out for meal, when bill came I got my purse out to pay (total £55) my half but then he put £30 down and I was surprised he didn't tell me to put my purse away. Even though I would have said no and paid half I still feel like he should have paid the full.
I know they are my kids and my responsibility but I still wonder whether I want to date someone again who is so tight.
AIB completely U? (and date I say, sexist?) Or would others feel similar?

You only find splitting bill petty because you hoped he'd leap in to pay,declining your payment
You could then be all faux if you insist when actually youre delighted you didn't pay
Its pathetic expecting a man to pay,and getting huff when he doesn't.very princessy

I think the fact 'he asked you' out to dinner is a pretty good indication he should have paid.

I wouldn't go out with him again and I'd be pretty disappointed with any of my sons who pulled a stunt like he did.

Stunt like what?paying own share isnt a stunt-its equitable.

I really think granny you're adhering to an old fashioned strangled form of etiquette
Both go out,both should pay.

This thread is making me very pissed off now.

Where's your idea of equality, your pride, you women?? Fucking hell

Granny -'pulled a stunt'??

What, thinking that a woman should pay towards her own dinner with someone that's practically a stranger? Heavens above.

limitedperiodonly

"I couldn't say BoneyBackJefferson, because I don't keep a spread sheet."

So how much should a man pay for you for a date?
what should he be spending in order to not look cheap or tight?
How many dates have you had?

When dp and i dated if i didn't have the money to pay my share i didn't go out

Stunt?? -
Makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

I am 43 and have always gone halves on dates, even when in an established relationship, apart from, say, a birthday meal if they want to treat me (and actually on last birthday I paid for mine and DP's meal, to say thanks to him for my present, even though i'm currently out of work and he's not, and not in a martyrish way, I wanted a meal out and he was a bit broke after my present, so it was fair), but then i treat them to same on their birthday
So even on my birthday, I'm not expecting my partner to necessarily treat me. Never would I have that sense of expectation and entitlement.
I've been all my adult life like this
I have self respect and a sense of fairness and equality
I, personally think letting someone pay from the start, gives a sense of you wanting to be looked after and spoilt. It sets a pattern. I would feel I was 'owned' and that I 'owed'.
it just makes me feel really awkward.And I think most men appreciate a women paying her way. I ve had this conversation with male friends many times,

Granny, if you had daughters and they always treated their partners, how would you feel about that?

It was the comment about if a man ever asked me to buy a drink i wouldn't be seeing him again that I found hilarious.

As is washing of hands for half an hour hoping the bill was paid :)

It doesn't matter how many dates I've had boney. Or you, but I haven't asked you that because I doesn't matter to me. So why are you asking me?

If we met each other we would never see each other again. That's enough to know, isn't it? Why do you want to know more?

But what I have become interested with this thread is the idea yet again that women are justifying men by saying that the questionable actions of some women justify the actions of men.

Granny I hate that phrase pulled a stunt. Call this shallow (I don't think it is as its a red flag) if any man or indeed woman used that phrase near me, they would quickly find themselves dropping to the bottom of my invites list.

To be fair the OP did pay her share but she was disappointed in the man and considered he was tight because he let her. There could be so many reasons for him doing this. Shyness, for one. But he has been judged. Also, its possible the OP might have picked up on some other reasons for her dismissing him (although she hasn't mentioned them).

Do we not often read in the Relationships section from single parents that its quite difficult to get dates? I'm not suggesting that the OP should be more grateful or anything for getting a date, but facing facts, some men don't want to date single mothers, so once they are excluded from the available number of single men out there, and added to the number of men who will be willing to pay for a virtual stranger's meal on the second date, she is surely cutting down the chances of her meeting someone for a ltr quite significantly.

Of course, she may still find there are men out there who have learned the only way they can get a woman to date them is to take control and to pay.

LimitedPeriodOnly Because the money situation aside, discovering that a date didn't want to have sex with me, would be a bit of a deal-breaker.What do you look for in an ideal date?*

If I may butt in to comment on this question! Other people are clearly more sexually active than me. (I have always suspected this). When I was single, even when I was a student, I was the queen of being asked out on a very formal date by the most reliable boring guys out there, who would date me, being absolutely lovely, for months, and tell me they weren't with me for sex, if I was ready to have sex, that was fine, but they were equally happy to wait.

I could go into the most sleazy club in town and attract just about the only guy in there who would take my number then actually phone up and ask me out on a date. I don't know why it was. Maybe because I could spot the sleazy type a mile off and kept away from them.

I still get men who want to take me for lunch, even though they know I'm happily with DH.

I can't honestly remember who paid. I think it was often the men, but I always offer to pay, and wouldn't have thought any less of a man for not paying. I don't judge men solely on this.

Now, I've noticed a lot of my younger friends don't date formally so much, and instead hang out in groups of mutual friends and get together quite slowly.

limited

I ask because I am curious.
I ask because you are still trying to justify your "tightness" in not paying your way.
I am interested to know how much men have paid for you to "weed out" the ones that you don't want.
I am interested to know how much a man should pay on a date as not to raise a "red flag" by being cheap or tight.
I also find it interesting that you have only answered a few questions but have asked and have answered more.

"But what I have become interested with this thread is the idea yet again that women are justifying men by saying that the questionable actions of some women justify the actions of men."

I think that the thread has become some women justifying the actions of some women.

boney

I went out with men
If they didn't pay for me I didn't see them again
I had sex with some of those that I did see again
You would probably not make the cut even if you looked like David Gandy
What do you find so hard to understand about that?

limited

There is no need to get pissy about this.

If this thread was "Why won't limited go out with Boney?" your last post may have a point.

I suspect that the truth of your stance is much simpler, you got men to pay for you because you could.

suspect that the truth of your stance is much simpler, you got men to pay for you because you could.

By jingo! You've got it.

Fair enough though limitedperiod if that's what floats your boat and you have the looks to do it.

Its kind of an exchange of "currency". At least the man is getting something out of it.

I don't think its worked for the OP though, so perhaps she should look to herself for the reasons why.

On reflection I realise that using 'stunt' was not the most articulate of ways to say what I wanted to say, so I stand corrected. However, I would still expect a person to pay for dinner if they had done the asking out.

And I do have daughters, very independent daughters.